All of these nice pictures are stored up inside my head. I look at them and wonder will i see them when im dead. These thoughts are never ending and, the answers not for sure. Life is one big mystery and we're all invited to the show.

Its hard to remember that the things that i know, are not public knowledge, I've spent years on this road. I try to relate and to find understanding, in the ways that we love, and the ways that we handle stress. Its not all sunshine and rainbows, some days it will rain. There is no escaping the trials and pain. We have nothing to lose though, we only can gain, experience and wisdom that comes with the years, some of its paid through struggles and tears. To know what its like you'll be sitting rock bottom, it will teach you a lesson that wont be forgotten. The only way out is by engaging in actions, that push you straight forward, no time for relapsing. Just one small step gets you out of the mess, after you're up youll have time to assess, the current situation on top of your plate, don't wait to long youll be sealing your fate. With each step away from the cold hard rock bottom you'll start beginning to learn to be happy with what youve got, even if its not a lot.

Your smile imprinited in my mind.
The way you move, and bat your eyes.
Id call it love but I've learned a lot.
I know what's real and i know what's not.
Something about you pulls me in.
It has me asking what is this?
It doesnt happen all too often that
I don't know why my heart is pumping.
I feel between us energy.
It's not something that you can see.
I feel it growing more and more.
Its shocking what you do to me.
My hearts leaping out on to the floor.
I know by now to not give in
My love is guarded secretly.
I can't begin to speak my feelings
They are tangled up inside of me.
I hope you want to know me more.
My heart and mind are growing sore.
I cant pretend and play much longer.
Hopefully you make me stronger.
Maybe this is real. Maybe this will **** me.

Im not the same person I was yesterday.  I just keep on changing day after day. Some days I'll be happy just to see the sun rise, on bad days those beauties never come to my mind. Im living in madness my mind as a cage. I'm learning to bend it, I'm changing the pages. But one day I'll run out and they'll be digging up my grave.

The time keeps on ticking, the cage grows much smaller. The walls are pressing in on my medualla oblengata.  I try to escape it, I thought that I made it. I realize Im stuck here, I can't push much further. Once I see through it there is nothing to it. Its all an illusion, a self built institution. Its your life so own it, repair it and mold it. See through all the madness, cut out all the bad fruits..

Im searching for a reason why,
I tilt my head up to the sky
Tears run slowly down my cheeks
I fall down onto my knees.

I beg and plead to empty space.
How did I get to this place?
It's dark and cold inside my mind.
But deep inside a flame resides.

The light that guides me has grown dim
Every day I live in sin
Im trying now to make things better
Where to start, its all a battle.

Im lost and scared, I dont know why
Now I'm screaming to the sky.
Is it my fault how people treat me
For no reason when they first meet me
Im trapped inside my mortal tomb
Ever since Ive left the womb.

I used to cry for moms attention
Now these tears just cause desention
Im falling down and staying there.
It's all my fault for being here.

I want something to spark my soul.
Make me forget that I'm old.
Keep my mind preoccupied
I need to find those sunny skies.

I know what's needed to get better
It wont be easy there will be pain
I need to see it to the end.

As the world turns round i stand here still. Waiting, thinking , wondering. I wonder what life will bring in the coming years. I have many hopes and I have many fears. I try not to succumb to the thoughts flooding in, they tell me im worthless, they remind me of sins. I push all that aside and try focusing forward. if i have learned anything its that nothing is certain. At any one moment god could pull the big curtain. I try looking ahead but my vision is blocked. The worry sets in I when i notice the clock. Time isn't waiting for any of you. Get off of your ***** start making some moves. Start getting prepared to be living alone. Nothing is certain and time makes us old.

My armour covers old festering wounds, I could mend them but id be left exposed. I bury how I feel deep down. Im trying hard to flip my frown. Its not so easy when you feel alone. Searching for a place called home. Wishing someone would just hug me, hold me tight and say they love me. Calm my fears and make me happy. Is that too much to ask for? *** comes easy love comes hard. I think that's how I lost my heart. I cant connect because I don't want to. Im scared to lose all that I fought for.