You know I went to the gym like I always do
Then I went to the driving range
I love hitting golf ***** in the light rain

I drove around for a bit
Just past sunset
The tao is wise mother

A family were eating in there living room
A woman was in her upstairs room
The desk light shining bright

I listened to my buddhist mantra
The shurangama mantra
A beautiful mantra
Chanted quietly
So peaceful

I wonder why
Why life the way it is
Strange, but beautiful

Yes, I know this earth well
I keep the times
I observe the times
I like to see the big picture
The eyes of the observer

I came home
Some movies on
40 yr old ******
Flipping through a few more
***, violence, Arguments
I am happy I don't watch much television

I had my poached egg
I wish I had a good friend
I have a beautiful soul
And it is a tragedy
In this 21st century
I think many Americans my age are lonely

I think I may just go driving again
I don't know why
The endless wandering
Eyes never tired of seeing

Where is my hug?
Where is my good friend?

I have a few good friends
But they don't live near me now
I see them now and again

I think now of my therapist
I love her as my friend
But wish she would offer me a hug sometimes

I shouldn't have been so revealing
I shouldn't have cried in front of her
She sat so composed
I know she cares for me

I want to see her cry
Like I cried
I'm just as smart as her
She has her therapy job
And her husband
And everything is just hunky dory
With her first baby on the way

I wonder what she thinks of me
I'd like to hang out and be friends
Go on a hike together or something
She's not much of a friend
Just a therapist
I doubt she really cares that much at all

I still search for my close friend
For my true companion
This friendship goes deeper than
The love of two lovers
The love is deeper than that of a married couple
The greatest love is between friends

I hope to find a loving female friend
She understands
And loves me
I love her to

Maybe we will become intimate
No, better not
I will stay a ******

Better not to love like that
It is too risky
Where is my companion?

I guess its youtube videos again tonight
History or philosophy
I will take notes

Alone in my room
Always alone
Almost 30...

Perhaps China
Will conquer the west
And Russia the east

When our nation collapses
It seems obvious to me
That there is no turning back
We are economically ruined

At This time

The rental car guy
Steps outside
To take a Break

The housekeeper
Enters the home
To clean house

The tennis player
Hits a serve at the park

The students go on lunch

The gardeners install the lawn

All at this time

The people go here

And then they go there

And they repeat

And do it again

The next day

And isn't this incredibly strange?

And what are we doing here?

And I picture myself viewing this from space

And it's all incredibly strange

And it works well

Our society

And I have a strong feeling

One day not that far off

That there will be trouble

Maybe there won't be

Fresh produce at the market

Because the trucks can't get there

So if you have food and water
And shelter too
Let's be content
Because many people don't

All these atomic facilities
Across the U.S.
Makes me nervous

And we don't do anything
To protect our grid
From attack

And the future of humanity
Who knows
Doesn't look that good

More fighting and trouble it seems

Will you commit Yourself To This Program?

Bourne made the choice
The choice to do evil
Life is a choice

Will you choose to give lovingly
Material possessions
Fame
They do not last

There is something that endures through time
It is love

Choose carefully

I had hoped
She would remain pure

I had hoped
She would remain a ******

She received her husband's seed in her womb
She has dishonored herself!

Women are having ***
At this very hour
Oh my gosh

Lol
How ****** of them

Some are pleasuring themselves

And some are playing with
Their vibrators and Oh Mi Bods

And I'm in bed
Eating a bowl of kidney beans

Lol women ignore
Dorks like me

He said I was so young
And that he wouldn't mind trading shoes with me

I told him well age is just a number
He is 55

What a strange man
Just live in the present
There are no problems

There is no youth or old age
Free your mind sir
Of these concepts

It reminds me of the license plate
That says
"I'd rather be"

You would rather be
But you are not
So do what you do
And live in the present
That's all there will ever be

Yes, this life is quite strange indeed

The month of April
Or of May

It's just another month
In this computer program

Just another day

I'll hit ***** on the golf course
Yes I like to be alone

Some people have a bunch of money

But they will die just the same
They can't take money with them
In life this stupid game

And most people
Struggle to have enough food
Which is a shame

And maybe I don't want
To be a part
Or a player in this game

So I hit ***** on the golf course
Because I like to be alone

Why did my good friend
Not call me back

I guess he doesn't care
I guess I don't care either
And won't bother him anymore

Living on planet earth
Where everything is a chore

Dragging around this body
From here to there

I enjoy fishing on lakes
Without a care

I remember when I caught
A small mouth bass

I ate it and it tasted yum
A yummy little bass
As it digested in my tum

And this rock ball it spins
Around the sun

And you can't really ever
Have a gf

When you are dull and not that fun
And I just want to be a ******
Forever alone

And I do like writing
Writing these poems

As I sit in my suburban home

Life is some type of saga

Or some type of dream
And yes I do *******
In front of the computer

And no it's not a big deal
I'm just writing about my life
And what is real

And everyone is my neighborhood
Has a fancy car
And loves their self
And maybe most
Are just concerned with wealth

Life is so easy
When you have a paycheck

Maybe I'm not concerned with money
Anymore

I'll just go sit on park lawns
And be a total bore

Sometimes it seems
As though life is just a chore

And people never stop
Making fun of Jesus
Yes it happens everyday

But this is nothing new
Christians have always been
Persecuted in some way

And our government created ISIS
And Iraq is out of control

They over took
The Shiite minority
And our running wild

And here in America
There is no future for the child

Darpa creating more
Killer robots
In the name of
Technological progress

But I don't think it's okay
I think their technology
Will be used in the wrong way

And a big drought
In California
Makes me want to shout

Went to the dentist today
She forgot to polish my upper teeth (oh well)
Everything looked good though

Except she kind of annoyed me
When she pointed out two trouble spots
Explaining how to floss
Like she does every single time
She's **** though

I just say yes
I want to make her proud
She is my dental mistress
Lol

Playing some WWII game on my Ipad
Eating corn on the cob on the sideyard
A few minutes earlier

The kitchen looks great after being re-painted
Nice to have everything back in it's place

Why should I work?
The government isn't financially responsible
It throws our future away

So, I will retire at 30
Hooray!

I sit on my yoga mat
Above the mountain trail

Forever observing
Forever the watchman
Forever without a companion

America will be a different place
I think fairly soon

I guess my left shoulder
Will always be akward

I did nothing to
Deserve this

It's just some random thing

No need to bother
To ask why
To pray and to look at the sky

Forever akward
At least I'm not disabled
Or handicapped

Though I can relate
To how these people feel

I want to have a female companion
And to have a love that is real

I have to remind myself
Not to desire this

As it will most likely never come

It turns out this place
Is some organic program
And isn't non action fun

Going here
And going there

I like to write
I like to share

Sunday and all alone again
No one gives a sh**
I said with a grin

I'm thankful for Youtube
And podcasts too
Without them
I don't know what
I would do

$46.90 the city charged me
For parking the car on the street overnight

Seems a bit much
But the city needs the revenue

No jobs in this city
Or anywhere for that matter

No future for Californians

I seem to be disliked now
Even by my own family

It is their love of money
That I dislike

Their love of a  corrupt
Unsustainable economic system

I pray for judgement
Judgement on America

This economic system
Is corrupt

I pray for the ultimate
Destruction of this
Corrupt system

These are the things
That make a "great guy"

According to the resident taxpayer
He is usually rich
Is a professional athlete
Has a hot wife

And does charity work

All these things make him "great"

I think that's kind of stupid

I think some guy in Malaysia
Who works the land for
His family
Is greater

What did a professional athlete
Ever do
Except get payed
A ton of money

For playing a game?

And so what
He gave to a charity

He should if he is a
Multi-millionaire

All this talk about greatness

He's no greater

Than the Muslim woman
Who faces discrimination
And raises her family

No greater

My fantasy girlfriend
Reminds me I am
The weaker ***

And I guess its true
I could never do the things
She can do

She has a great body
And deals with clients all week

I stay at home cleaning
I am shy and meek

I clean her heels
And polish them well

Yes I have a story to tell

About how wonderful
All women are

Always show proper love
And respect toward women
And in this life you will go far

What a great system
Everything is already in place

No need to work
Let others
Be harvested by the system

I will go where I please
Do as I please

And everything is mine
The house
The cars

I'm feeling fine

Why would I want
To work 50 hours a week?
And become a slave

He was always
"Working hard"
But he's just blabbing on a phone

Yep
Don't care for the guy
Don't care
When he dies

Don't care
What others think
Don't care what they do

Yep, sure enough
I erased you

It's easy to push people away
And it makes me happy
On this day

Why are you still rooting for America?

I'm not rooting for American sports teams

This corrupt and wicked land

Corrupt banksters

And politicians

I separate myself

From this wicked land

He sits in front of the television

For hours each night

Don't you have better things to do

What a waste of time!!

You will age
You will lose your health eventually
You will die

So all you will have
Is the person you were
And how you treated others
I guess

And it's not an automatic process

Mother lives in a fantasy world
Where nothing can ever go wrong
Where America prospers

The day our economy fails
And there isn't a **** thing
In the markets

And there is a big global war

I will simply say
I told you so
I told you so

Human beings repeat
The same mistakes
Over and over again!

If you think you have it bad now
Remember things can

And do get worse
Hahah!

Flogged and whipped
And tied to a chair

My mistress is mean
And nobody cares

My body is ugly
Life's not fair

One day
It will all be over
And will be done

I'll just sit
Underneath
The hot summer sun

Look at them scream
And look at them run

Just relax
The end will be fun

Bombs dropping here
And there

The flashes are bright
Try not to stare

And as
The buddhist monk burns

I ate a pear


And I'm just a brain
Floating in space

And I ate my own ***
I enjoyed the taste

And whole biospheres
Are laid waste

The next world war
Will destroy the human race

Would you betray the Son of the Most High?
Would you betray the Man who came to save us?

His pure and perfect love restores us all

And what if the whole world hated you
And what if they threatened to nail you to a cross?

Would you betray your Savior?
I'm scared Lord
They want to destroy my body

But I will not fear
Your eternal love overcomes all fear and hate

Still I'm scared
I don't think I can go through it
But it is your love that overcomes

Every Christian should ask themselves
Are you faithful to the end?

Believe in Jesus
The body can be destroyed

But believe in Jesus and
You will have eternal life

Hello Goodbye

Blah Blah Blah Blah

I live here

Stop saying "Hello" to me

And go away

Idiots

I love Bree
She is a good friend to me

She gets the munchies
I get them too

We have a good time chatting
Yes we do

We stick up for each other
When we are feeling blue

She was there when I felt sad
Her hug made me feel glad

She lives in Washington
I'm in CA
But she is just a keystroke away

Her taste in music really rocks
I'd like to buy her purple socks

Stay warm Bree
It's winter time
And I'm feeling fine

I love my home now even more
There are more chats with her
In store

Dear God in heaven
I do pray
Protect Bree and her family
Every day

I was the last man on the range
Hitting wedges

Moutains framed the range
In the distance

First full swings
Then half shots

There was a sense of oneness
With the environment

The silence and the stillness
Just the sound of the club striking the ball
The breeze blowing the dirt back toward me

As the warm breeze blew
I struck each shot so purely
I cried some out of pure bliss

That was true contentment

I can't explain
I love the game so much
And to hit the ball so well
And my swing feels so good

I've hit ***** in every season
Spring, summer, fall and winter

This is an eternal game

Rock, paper scissors
Which one is it?
It's your decision

And no matter what you choose

You're goin' to live it

Maybe the song is saying
We all have a path to choose
Decisions to make

No matter what we choose
We are going to live it

True words
Life is full of decisions

Steve I have confirmation from a Ft. Hood (Killeen TX) source regarding certain army personnel being trained for martial law lock down and house to house raids. I have a friend who works in Killeen Texas in a business that many soldiers go to. I have gotten my friend up to speed on the current situation and he has been asking some of the soldiers if they know about JADE HELM 15. Over 80% of the soldiers have no clue about JADE HELM 15. Recently one of the soldiers told my friend he was aware of JADE HELM 15 and had received training connected with it. The soldier talked about going to people's homes looking for gun owners and food hoarders. My friend asked him who they considered to be a food hoarder. The soldier replied it was anyone who had more than 7 days worth of food on hand would be labeled a food hoarder. Guns and excess food would be confiscated. The soldier also said no more than 8 people would be allowed to live in any 1 home.

It appears Special Forces Operators are posing as Reliant Electricity sales people. I read where they were operating in a Texas town and one person called the County Sheriff's Office about suspicious people. He was told they were for the government and to worry about them. The Sheriff’s office also told him he should not have run them off with a shotgun since they work for the government I told my friend at the local gun store about Reliant Electric cover and them being in groups of three. My friend told me there was a group of 3 of them in the gun store a few days back dressed exactly as I described them. Dark blue shorts and light gray pin stripped golf shirts. When they show up they have no paperwork but want to do an electrical audit to see if you are wasting energy and see if they could save you money on your electric bill. A great way to get you to take them all through your home and out buildings.

Why! Why!
Why was I born in America?

Another lonely day
Tears they pour
Down my face

I do believe in
Some kind of grace

I dream of foreign lands
A community of friends
That's a plan

To spend time
With people
Underneath the sun

I'm alone in America
That is not much fun

My therapist pretended
She went away

Some say these are
The end of days

I walk I wander

I won't be part of the family Christmas
I won't be celebrating it here

Maybe I'll show up at a random church
Attend at two or three different churches

No presents
No stockings please

Don't take it personally
I hope my family does enjoy
Christmas

But I won't be here

I won't be here to put up the lights

Oh well
I'm canceling Christmas
I'm canceling the family Christmas

My old therapist
Is so happy

Everyone is so happy
Except me

Forget her
I could care less about her

America going downhill
What a thrill

The more you love
The more you have
To lose

Little Walter
Sings the blues

"This is a mean ole world"

That song rings true

Sad and mean
Old world
Through and through

Well Jesus is Lord

Hollywood ******
In cars ******* ****

I'm alone again
At Starbucks

Are you shocked?

I'm always here
I'm hungry too

I'll just sit here
And watch YouTube
Nothing better to do

Pos
-------
Someone to talk to about this terrible living environment
Companion
Consistent meeting
Will be saving them money


Neg
-------
Privacy issues--Not that comfortable with her seeing emails
Will cost more
Don't want to be a financial burden



Other option--spend less and less time at home
Really dislike this environment

Just More Of The Same

A Bunch of Wars
Most all of the world's population
Just trying to survive

It's a primitive place
Planet earth

And man

Same problems
Over
And over and over

America
I can see your future
Marshall Law
The shutdown of
Your economy

U.N. troops
F.E.M.A. camps
Riots

Welcome to
The third world
America

Too much wine
Has got me feelin' fine!
No I'm not drunk

But feelin' some funk

Listening to bluegrass now

A few minutes ago
I picked up Wally our dachsund
Waved his paw at ma

Oh what a show!

Wally says hello
Yes our dachsund says hello

I wave his little paw
Hello there folks he says

Don't be shy
Give pettin' him a try!

Another day
In this body
I don't much care for

This unattractive body
Oh well

At least I'm not handicapped

I think it would
Have been more fun
To have a woman's body

I don't care
About money
Or jobs

I don't care at all

I like being poor
Living at home

I'm a humble
And poor man

I will go to the gym today
I meant to last night
But I fell asleep

Reading books
At the park

I think that's my life
I'm not interested in work

I just want to be left alone!
Forever alone
I am Matt, the island

No man is an island
But I am close
Just my three good friends

Who am I?

I realized today
I was just a guy
Walking in mountain suburbs
In a black t shirt
And blue jeans

A purpose to this life
I have not yet found it
It seems

Is life real
Or am I just
Living in a dream?

I came across a black dog
By the yard fence

I came to close to pet it
But thought again
And made the right decision
By not sticking my hand in

Good bye doggie
I think I said in my head

And tonight I am thankful
To sleep in my warm bed

At the library I sit
Listening to a podcast
About the Byzantine Emperor Justinian

I think in a bit I will take notes
On a couple of articles
In the Journal of philosophical research

In the first article the author argues
That the existence of evil
Experienced through both human suffering
And human moral struggle

Ultimately benefits each person
By enabling human character to develop into
The likeness of God

The second article
Discusses the problem of weakness of will
In Augustine's struggle for moral growth

It is almost seven years now
Since I received my B.A.
Still at home
Still no career......
I'm 30 now

I suppose America is pretty much done for
Financially ruined

I enjoyed the samples at Costco today
Laughed to myself
As I saw the divine in others

And it is a shame
That I don't have that loving female friend
That I had hoped to meet
It is a shame

I am alone again
I think I will read these articles aloud
And record them on my iphone

4/6/2015
What a thing this life is
Maybe I'll never find a job?
But that's okay
At least I tried

Hopes and dreams
And blah blah blah

Most everything
They told me was wrong

I like to be alone

I'm not interested
In hearing others opinion
Of me

Why don't these people
Just *******?

I'm 32
I live at home

People do not understand
Emptiness

The world is emptiness
They spend their lives
Working like slaves

The infrastructure
Was already there

Born into a wealthy country
I don't need any more things

No No No
No No No
No No No

No to the work week

Wandering Wandering
I have reached 32

This is not a face
That will ever be loved
By a woman

By this point I have watched
Thousands upon thousands
Of hours of documentaries

Try to obtain a deep knowledge
On a particular subject
And study it in depth

For me it will be Afghanistan
From the Soviet Era
To the present

Well another lonely night
At Starbucks

Lol
The obnoxious music
Plays in the background

I'm not ordering a **** thing
Just here for the Internet

Welcome to my home
I've lived here since 1997

Yes, I have lived here
Since the 8th grade

I am now 30 years of age

And in that time
Our nation has gradually decayed

Like a crumbling edifice
One devastating blow
After another

Today it was
"Have a really nice day"

Shut up!

Or I am going to lose it

I hate this home

Tired of these people

I had a bit of lamb
And made a white rice ball

And in the fridge I found
A summer salad too

Made with arugula

Mmm it was good
And I don't know
What dressing mum used

I reminded myself
Don't forget
To eat dem greens!

I love my leafy greens

So what is so ******* great about this place anyway?
It's just some type of simulation
4 seasons in a year
Go to work
Pay your taxes
Exercise
Enjoy some leisure activities
Age and die

At least I have the afterlife to look forward to
And it better be fun
I want to play golf there

You can stop knocking
On the door

Announcing what you made
For the **** dinner

I know there is food in the kitchen

I eat when I please

You are a nobody

To me you do not exist

I delete the holidays

I delete these obnoxious people

From my memory

Go watch the news

One who "exists"

And makes dinner.

Go plan tomorrow's dinner

You'll have all day to do it

While you watch the news

F** idiot

It's the repetitiveness of it

Go away

You are not welcome

As far as I am concerned

This room is a different home

Go away, go away

Away, away, away,

Stay away from me

Village idiot.

And I do not like

To be negative about people

But some get on my nerves

They do not change

They do not live

They simply exist

Truly sad.

Stuck At the library
Waiting for my car
I took a few classes here
About 10.5 years ago
I was broke then

I am broke now
After getting my B.A.
Then my credential

F* this
Credit limit almost reached

Wandering around the library
Browsing through a book about the origins of the Korean War.

Life
Blehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Spinning world spins round and round
So is the afterlife fun
This places *****

Do we do fun stuff there
Can I meet a beautiful woman there
Feel loved by her

Hope so

P-town
Is the place to be
Yes
I'm chillin' at the world re-known
PCC

My vacation time
Will be spent

Reading and observing
In a public park

I could never understand
Why people always said
"Happy Friday"

That day feels
The same day as
Monday to me

And it is the same

I see no need
To try to save
For a apartment
Of my own

I make about
Twice the minimum wage

Content to live here
I suppose

And inherit the house
One day

I'm On a permanent vacation
Every single day

And I just don't care
What you have to say
Three days a week
At "work"

Is more than enough for me
I stood underneath
An elm tree

To take a ***

I have no plans
To leave this home
None at all

Can you hear
The bird's call?

Fix me Jesus
Fix my body

I prayed and prayed
And cried and cried

Can't you do anything?
Don't you care?

I'm tired
Of this dull
Depression

3am equals 3 pm

All I ever did
Was be a good person

And I have to suffer
Like this?

Do something!

You don't do anything

Christians are tired
Tired of waiting
For your return

We will not wait
Another 100 years

I demand that you fix my body
I demand that you judge the wicked

These are my demands!

I'm not going to bother
Praying much anymore
If you won't even
Help fix my body

"How are you?"

The question is asked
Over and over and over

I do not bother asking you
Because I find the question
Obnoxious and pointless

She does not understand
The way of Tao

Idle mornings
And Idle years

Checking her phone
Watching the news

The time slips away....

This is your life

You chose not to live
But to simply exist

Incredibly sad

I have witnessed
A person
Simply do nothing
For an entire adult lifespan

I had cereal, yogurt, strawberries, grape tomatoes
A small bit of toast, and some peanut butter
For my breakfast

Although I can't remember the order
I have no money for gas
So I'll walk to the gym again

I think I'll chip golf ***** later

Need to pay off minimum payment on credit card

Ugh and I have to pay that parking ticket
I needed the money days ago
Oh well
I'm used to being broke

American citizens now living in debt slavery
This country is now not what it was
Or what it was meant to be

Let judgement come to America
Our government is guilty and corrupt

This country will be taken over
By other nations fairly soon

May God be with the loving Americans
May He be with his people

Living in this corrupt land

Human life is interesting
We just do what we do

First comes one
And then comes two

The times they come
The times they go

All we have is the times
That's human life
Don't you know

And what are your governing principles
That guide you each day?

Be kind and caring
With other people
Is what many religious texts say

About 7:30 p.m.

These are like slides
Picture frames in my mind

In the morning
Sitting in the car

The birds fly
From tree to tree

Stay with the ancient Tao

Watchful, like men crossing a winter stream
Alert, like men aware of danger
Courteous, like visiting guests
Yielding, like ice about to melt
Simple, like uncarved blocks of wood

Oh men of Tao
The ancient way is not lost
It is not lost

You leave me alone
Alone Alone Alone!!!!!

Don't threaten me
I'll strike like the cobra

Descend on you
Like the Hawk

Pounce like a fierce lion
Snap my jaws like the crocodile

Float like a butterfly
Sting like a bee
Don't you ever threaten me!

It must be nice to be loved
Perhaps one day a woman will like me

I enjoy history, philosophy and poetry
I love hiking and golf

I am content

I hope to hug a beautiful woman
Maybe she will tell me she loves me

But love is so strong

It is best not to be in a state
Of trishna, or clinging