People ask me why I cut
People say "Why would you do that?"
I'm too young to be this sad
People don't understand
I cut for me, I cut for pain
Emotional pain makes me sick
It is unbearable and all-consuming
Emotional pain in which I wallow
Physical pain is easier
Physical pain is short term
It allows me to Focus
Focus on the thin red line
The drops of blood pooling
I don't have to think at all
Nothing comes into my brain
Nothing but pain signals
No remembrance of ****
Abandonment and abuse
Cutting is my escape, my salvation
I am full of so many demons
When I cut I bleed them out
Each drop of red is a tear I've cried
Many tears and many red droplets
Physical pain overcomes me
Wraps me up in a ****** up blanket
Cutting is my drug, my escape
I am given the chance to numb
The ache in my heart is released
Through the valleys in my arm
Valleys carved into my flesh
Released through the blood
Pooling on the bathroom floor
A puddle of pain and demons
This is a puddle of me, all the
*****, nasty, unlovable, *******
Then there is a moment of bliss
That moment when I numb
Like right before they put you to sleep
The numb feeling of emptiness
I don't think about the demons
The demons in my head, screaming
They are no longer in my brain
They are in the puddle on the floor
No longer inside of me
Gone for a moment but not forever
Pain always comes back
This is why I cut, to quiet the pain

A flash of silver,
A touch of steel.
I hold my breath as it makes me feel.

A stinging pain,
Oh, how I swore I'd never do it again.
A crimson line,
One more,
One more,
And one last time.

Pulling down the sleeves,
Smiling to please.
Feeling numb.

Wishing to hurt,
Wishing to cry,
Wishing to scream.
Why?
I'm tired of telling myself
"One last time."

I know
I keep saying it
Over and over
That this
Is it
Tonight
Is the night
And then
I find out
I'm not strong enough.

But hopefully
Tonight will be
The night
And I won't
Have to see
Your face tomorrow
Or
Ever again

And I won't
Have to fake
That terrible smile
That fades
Into tears
Every
*******
Night

Because I can't
Take any of this
Anymore

I've lost myself
I'm a mess
And I will never
Be able
To untangle
The poisonous weeds
Wrapped around my
Heart
And my weak
Soul.

-e.w.

You saw
The thin scars
That line
About halfway
Up my wrist
And how
4 or 5
Were still
Swollen
And red
From two
Nights before.
We were at
Dinner,
But I saw the look
That petrified
Your face
As my sleeve
Inched up
And as your eyes
Examined them
Carefully.
You seemed sad
But you didn't
Say a word,
You just quickly
Changed the subject
As I felt like
Crying.

But it's been
Five days now
And you haven't
Confronted me
About the battle
Going on
On my pale wrist

But you've been
More considerate
And nicer
And actually
Made me feel
Like you're
Worried about me
Like you realize
That just because
I act tough
And strong
That may be
The farthest from the
Truth.

-e.w.

I dream
Every night
Of kissing
Those lips
That go along
With that
Handsome face

I dream
Every night
Of just being able
To get
Even a seconds worth
Of a hug
From your
Aching Body

Because I know
That you struggle
With the seed
Of sadness
That grows inside
Some of us

Because you hide it
Oh-so-well

Because you don't
Want to seem
"Weak"
To all your
"Friends"

And I tell you
That I'll
Always
Be here for you
That I'm not
Going anywhere

But maybe,
You lost my
Number

Or maybe,
Your phone got
Broken

Because I don't
Want to be mad
At someone
Who suffers in
Silence
Because I know
What you're feeling
So I try
To think of the
Best scenario

But maybe,
No matter
How much of me
Wishes it
To not be true,
Maybe
You just know
You're better off
Without me.

-e.w.

I want you
So bad
But yet
I don't want
To ruin this
Like I do
Everything else.

-e.w.

I'm done.
And I know
I've said it
Over and over
But this time
I think
I mean it
Because I'm
Too stupid,
Too ugly,
Too broken,
And too
Done
To be here
Anymore.

-e.w.

I had been clean
From the red lines
That cover my arms
That appear
Each time the voices
In my head
Get louder
And meaner

I had been clean
For 2 weeks
An all time
Record
For me

But I broke

I broke because
The voices filled my mind
With evil and
Self-loathing
Thoughts
And I just couldn't
Handle it

And somewhere
Deep in my dying heart
I deserve it.

-e.w.

I've been called
A "self-loathing *****"
Too many times
To count on
Two hands
Just in the past
Week

But I'm sorry
That I hate
Every inch
Of this body that I'm
Trapped in

And I'm sorry
That every word
That slips from my lips,
I look at
As a huge mistake

And I'm sorry
That you think
I'm just doing it
All for "show"

When in reality
There's something
Deep in my chest
That makes me
So depressed
And it
Just
Won't
Leave.

-e.w.

I'm sorry I hurt myself
I know you felt the pain to
I'm sorry I wasn't always there
I just wanted you to know I care
I'm sorry I was always sad
I knew it only made you mad
I'm sorry that your there crying
When I stopped trying
I love you
Forgive me