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490 · Mar 2018
Lost Girl
Mac Mar 2018
You know those movies where there is someone who can read minds?
They are able to know what everyone is thinking?
That person usually does the coolest things with his power
Except at the end, he kills himself

You see, I have a power kinda like that
Except I feel what others feel
There was this girl I met once
This is how it went

The second she walked through the door, here overwhelming presence of pain and lost dreams collide over me like a tsunami
And she spoke, knives of steel spit from her tongue slice into my lings letting in more of the water
As we go to shake hands, the poison from the blade she once held drips onto my skin burning like acid
Every faulty statement and untrue word is like a **** to my head
She tried to cover up her scars with a smile that fades when the lights are out, and a personality made up of broken promises
If you were to meet her, you'd fall in love
But to look inside her mind is like opening Pandora's box
I smiled and waved as the last of her words ripped my heart apart

With the last of her presence leaving the room
I wake stretching for breath
Opening my eyes to find I'm in my room
Realizing I've just met myself
203 · Mar 2018
Empty
Mac Mar 2018
I want to be left alone,
But I want to be held
The problem is
There's no one to hold me
198 · Mar 2018
Hello Death
Mac Mar 2018
People say 'Treat others the way you want to be treated'
But I don't entirely believe in that philosophy
How about, treat others as if you were to die today
With death having been on my mind a lot
I often think of how others perceive me
That if I were to die (not would they care)
But what would they think
Does my voice ring in their ear like a fall breeze
Or does it cause pain like sand in a sandstorm
Do my words help heal wounds like a bandaid
Or do they split them open like a thornbush
Does my presence cause your heart to flutter
Or does it cause your heart to sink into your stomach
I want to die knowing I've done well to those around me
Never in a thousand years would I treat someone the way I want to be treated
Because I'm still waiting for that day when metal touches my skin
The **** of a trigger echoes in my ears
The boom of a fire silences everyone around
As I feel the bullet passes through my broken and stitched back together heart
193 · Mar 2018
Lips Sewn Shut
Mac Mar 2018
I've thought about it
You know
Showing my family my poetry
But that thought had a bad ending
My life is suffocating, painful, and hardly bearable
Because of this,
the demons inside my head like to make bad matters worse
My mind is like a metal box
It is just me inside
I've learned to position myself in just a way to be party comfy
But the second someone else enters,
everything I've positioned breaks
This isn't to say that I don't let people in, because I do
But the people I let into my life are very few
In fact
Only two
One happens to be my older sister
She is very wise and has been through a lot in her life
So she is the perfect person to talk to
The second person happens to be God
And I know what some of you may think
That he doesn't count as someone to talk to
But you're wrong
Without him, my life is like a sky with no stars
I have no purpose
And when I do find a star in the sky
Something to work toward
It turns out to be an airplane
An image of something that will just pass me by
But he made the stars that are in the sky
The ones I can look up to and believe in something good
Maybe he isn't real,
I've had those thoughts
But to all who don't believe in something
Anything
Especially if it be God
I say this
Believing in something gives you purpose when nothing is left
When all good has been stripped
You can look at what you believe in and hold it close
My parents didn't rais me the way they should
Even if my mom tried her best
So every day has been a battle to keep myself from death
With God by my side,
the knife against my wrist can't make a single drop of blood spill
When my lips are sewn shut,
He is the one who can hear my thoughts
I'm 'not' trying to make you believe in God
I'm just trying to make you believe
Because with all this pain and sorrow in the world,
What good is living if your not living for something
192 · Mar 2018
If you greeted Death today
Mac Mar 2018
Every bite is taken with care
Always wondering when I'm going to die
And if I do
Even at this very moment
Would I be proud of how my body looks
Would others revolt that I didn't exercise enough
Or would they think that I was as beautiful as a flower
If the coroner looked inside my cold dead body
Would he see a slob or an anorexic
I don't deal with a disability
Only the demons in my mind
They scream and cry
Tell me to starve
But I have to wonder
If I died at this very moment
Would I be proud of my body

Would others know... that... I did care about living
That the Demons didn't win
I just wanted to bring some light to those who are dealing with obesity or anorexia. There are those like me who don't have a severe problem with it, but it is always nagging at our mind. Just know, no matter if you feel that your overweight, just remember that it is worse to give in to the temptation of starving your self or eating your feeling. I've personally done both, and what I've found is that the only way to overcome this is to realize that the best thing you can do for your self is to be healthy!
Mac Mar 2018
Broken promises and worn out prayers
Hidden scars and faulty smiles
Fake drama and real pain
Suffocating cloths and toxic perfume
Heated debates and empty conversation

The halls a breeding ground for heartbreaking backstory bullies
A library filled with kids whose mouths are sewn shut
The Cafeteria full, but no ones eating
Basketball court of anger management and broken dreams
Girls bathroom mirrors covered in expectations
Boys yelling swear words, but long for a hug
The teachers break room with an emergency stash
And a principle on the phone slowly dying inside

School nice and tidy
Kids aren't too rough
But please look on the inside
Because everyone has had enough
181 · Mar 2018
A Kiss Given
Mac Mar 2018
My soul aches as our lips touch
it doesn't hurt because it's wrong
But the fact that it's right
The first right thing in my life for a while
180 · Mar 2018
Voice Inside
Mac Mar 2018
There is a voice in my head

It tells me to run
But I don't
It tells me to grab the knife
But I don't
It tells me to scream
But I don't

It listens to every word, analyzing it
It picks up everyone's emotions and feels it
It sees everything from a car passing by to a leaf in the wind
It feels the tick of a clock from across the street

This is what voices do
They sense things
Everyone has a voice, but their voices don't like to talk
Mine does

I'm not crazy,  I'm just too sain
I see the same as ten others put together would
I feel others emotions and analyze them like twenty therapists put together could
I don't feel it though, the voice in my head does
And he's been screaming at me for the past four years

I could make it stop
But he's the only company I have
179 · Mar 2018
Soldier Boy
Mac Mar 2018
It stops
It starts
Light flickering in the darkness
Eyes blood red
Teeth sharp as a knife
Ink painted on his skin
Clothing worn from use
A Smirk
A grin
A smile
He knows whats coming next
And so do I

"Welcome home soldier boy"
176 · Mar 2018
Fire
Mac Mar 2018
My finger on the trigger
Gun pointed toward the target

"Bang"

"Again," he whispers in my ear as the blade runs down my spine
169 · Mar 2018
Fear
Mac Mar 2018
I read your word every morning
Each letter like a bullet to the heart

These bullets are different
Because they help bleed out the darkness

But with an open wound that I do not know have to close
Fear finds its way in and starts eating me alive

I have done wrong
I have done right
And fear keeps telling me that the wrong overrides the right

Don't listen to fear my dear
He wants your blood

He feeds on your broken dreams
And helps rip apart your cracked heart

So bandage up that bullet wound
Distract yourself for as long as possible
Because at some point you'll forget the hole was even there
165 · Mar 2018
High School Suffocation
Mac Mar 2018
Only one foot through the door as a blast of suffocating air enters my lungs
Room full, people talking, people laughing, none telling the truth
Dramas said, rumor is spread, none of it is true
Every answer to a question is that they're doing just fine
But I can see the truth
I can feel their pain
It's written all over there bleached teeth, done up hair, and plastered smiles
Held back screams and bleeding palms from the digging of nails
No one can step up
None wish to be the outcast asking for this madness to stop
If only they knew what I knew, that no one wants this
But they've gone blind from their screens
They've gone deaf from the drama
And they've lost feeling from all the cut marks

It ***** being the only sain person
Because then you start to see just how truly insane everyone is
164 · Mar 2018
The Darkest of Light
Mac Mar 2018
Only pain gives me the sensation of you being with me
Which is why I'm afraid I'll lose you
Because I grew up in darkness, bathed in pain all my life
And I never realized how much it hurt till I saw the light

Before you, I could see the stars
They would keep me at bay
But since your light passed me by brighter than the sun
I have gone blind

The stars have disappeared
Every crevis in the mountain which once shown light
has faded away to nothing
I can no longer see

Maybe this is good
Maybe I've gone mad
Maybe your not even real
But I have to try
133 · Feb 2018
Life of a Lady
Mac Feb 2018
Shoulders back, eyes front
Big smile, never blunt

Hair curled, makeup done
Don't cry, nowhere to run

Camera’s on, lights bright
Families here, don’t bite

If you think this is bad, just wait
Mornings almost here, don’t be late

Six’ am, shower and dress
Seven to eight, makeup needs to look its best

Eight’ fifteen, act like you eat
Small piece of toast, just a little bit of wheat

Eight’twenty-five, pack your bag
Almost done, don’t you dare drag

Eight’ thirty, chauffeurs here
Mum’s tagging along, don’t jump off a tier

Nine o’ clock, school starts
First class of the day, the fine arts

Every stroke, taken with care
People are watching, so add some flare

Ten o’ clock, science class
Kid says hi, go ahead and pass

Eleven to twelve, flirt with the ****
And sit back and watch as his girlfriend gawks

Twelve’ fifteen, lunch has arrived
All gossip, officially food deprived

Two more classes come and go
School has ended, time for a new show

Manicure and pedicure, don’t stop smiling
Phone stops ringing, just keep dialing

****** at four, study at five
Family dinner at six thirty, try to survive

Eight’ o clock, detox, and yoga
Try not to freak that your life is worse than the battle of Saratoga

Ten o’ clock, just a quick shower
Cry out your feelings, this is your only hour

Cut your ankle, no one will know
Just give it an hour, the blood slow

Lay in bed, just one more day
You can end it after your birthday
133 · Feb 2018
Demons
Mac Feb 2018
They scream and claw
Never knowing if the chains will hold

Every cut still raw
They're always trying to take control

Pushing them back into their cells
I paint on a smile

With the ringing of bells
School sounds like a trial

Each step was taken with care
One foot in front of the other

It feels like there's no air
But I can't call mother

I try to scream
Hoping that everyone would just stop talking

My mind an acid stream
Demons telling me everyone's mocking

But my mind holds me back
If I don't speak, they'll never know the pain

Everythings has gone black
Why do they keep screaming in my brain

Just one more hour
Try to stop daydreaming

Life's too sour
Stopping myself from screaming

Grades all A's
Room is all clean

Maybe this is a phase
My thoughts worse than the horror movie on the screen

No one knows
Just how loud the demons have been

My trust goes
But not what I have seen
Mac Mar 2018
I'm blind as the gun is placed against my head
Only till the finger hits the trigger can I see you

I'm deaf as the archer steadies his arrow onto me
Only till the arrow starts whistling through the air do I hear you

I'm avoid of smell as the fire starts below my feet
Only till it begins burning my flesh can I sense your presence

I'm tasteless as the cup reaches my lips
Only till the poison hits my lips can I feel the aroma of your presence touch my tongue

I can't feel you... I can't feel you... I can't feel you...

I want to feel you
120 · Feb 2018
Under Water
Mac Feb 2018
With a gasp
I'm out of bed
Taking on the day
with much dread
I want to scream
instead, I pray
That the cold water
would take me away
But pushing from the ground
I take a breath
I can't cause the pain
that would come from my death
So smiling and laughing
acting like the rest
I put on a good show
and hide that I'm depressed

— The End —