The first time taking off my binder,
I breathed a heavy breath,
And tried not to cry.
I had an item in my hold
That could make me happy for a day.
I had found my key.
Now I have trouble taking it off,
Because at the end of the day,
I still want to be happy

My ears underwater
I open my eyes, and stare
At the water dripping
And flowing into the tub.
I can't  hear anything
Except for my thoughts down here
And the sound of water
As it beats on the surface
It brings my mind quiet
But sounds quite loud from down here
I consider leaving
The water on a while more
I close my eyes and breathe
I just want to listen now

I want to stop writing about him
But I see him everywhere.
In the eyes of every teen boy
With a bad haircut and
A V-shaped smile,
And big eyes,
And a scruffy chin.
I get the memory of it on my neck,
And his hands on my chest,
And then wandering,
I couldn't write this a month ago,
I'm trying to be okay with it,
I'm trying to not be afraid of it,
I'm trying not to be afraid of him
I avoid him at all costs but
I get to class late and
I can't stop thinking
About the day he looked at me
And he smiled
And I felt special.
And I find myself wishing,
I found myself thinking,
I could have left it all then.

I want to stop hearing my voice
In everything I write.
I used to not hate it so much,
But every time I talk,
It's too high,
It's too girly,
It's too something or other,
I just want
To hear the voice
Of a boy