Its Torture.
The cruel
painless kind.
Torture,
like watching her
from the shadows
as she  
Loves her new Lover
while you're
still so alone.
Within my
mind Ive said
a word then
spelled out
in ryhm.
It sounds so perfect
within my
mind,my quivering lips
mouth the
word in silence.
Im afraid to try,
listen to my struggle
and you shall see
why it
is I hardly
speak.
Its the stammer,
the god given
gift which has
held my
opinions hostage.
Prevented me from
approaching her
and telling her
what she secretly
longed
to hear.
Forced me at times
to remain silent
when there was
so much more I
had to say.
This stammer
provides
cruel children
reason enough to be
even crueler.
I speak around certain
words and
communicate
more with the hands.
Kind souls
finish sentences
for me as I fight
for my voice.
Never  knowing that
their attempt
at being helpful
only drives this silent
knife even deeper.
This Stammer has
barricaded what
I need to say
somewhere
within that dead
and maimed space
between
my mind and
my speach.
I'm tunneling my
way out of this
self contained  
prison.
Word by
written word .
Im slowly
finding
a way for
this silent
and crippled
voice
to finally
be heard.

She is the girl that holds my heart in both of her hands
Carrying it gently careful not to stumble or fall
She squeezes her hands gently together to keep it beating

She softly places her soft lips upon mine
Blowing air into my crippled and empty lungs
Air flows through my lungs and I begin to breather once more

She places her hands on my head and whispers in my ear
“Come back to me”, as my synapses in my brain begin to fire
Every memory of her and me racing through my mind

Every nerve in my body shoots back to life
My body springs to life, my arms embracing her tightly
My eyes looking deeply into hers, seeing the reason for life

She has put me together and brought me back to life
Given a new meaning to devotion and a reason to live

I left you there standing in the rain
Pretending I couldn't see your pain
Thinking that I had nothing to lose
Nothing to lose but you

O Love! thou makest all things even
In earth or heaven;
Finding thy way through prison-bars
Up to the stars;
Or, true to the Almighty plan,
That out of dust created man,
Thou lookest in a grave,--to see
Thine immortality!

I've trudged the tracks of righteousness alone
And walked the walk of wickedness with grace.
I've done things I cannot now condone
On either side-- you'd see it in my face.

I thank god for this life which I have wasted
And all the gifts which it has given me,
But how do I repay when I've not tasted
The lavish love of such an old decree?

"By faith" you say. I say "you have it all,
For I'm not one to disbelieve my doubt
But faith? Oh, please don't make me lol.
Betrayal changes what men are all about."

Perhaps god's nothing. I'm fine with it;
Ex nihilo cogitatione fit.

my mind travels through this maze
tangled among fatal aches and pains
you tell me this is just a phase
how will this bitterness ever leave my veins?

torn between two opposing forces
roll the dice to win this time
fate points you to the right sources
never again shall your life be a lime

Is this madness how can it be?
You all sold your souls and have forsaken me.
Poisen the well and ask me to drink.
call yourselves friends makes me really have to
step back and think.

Keep your heads above water cause shallow are your words.
My tongue is a razor.
Chop you up and flush you down the sewer with the rest of the turds.

To my face you speak lies backstabbers Inc.
Hello reeks of false goodbyes.

Who are you to cast me aside.
Madness has set in but id sooner trust a snake
than in you confide.

Poisen are your well shallow and cruel.
Think you understand this game?
Well it's time to take you all to school!