The memory that dominated my time at the time
to take out my iPhone 6 and shoot an image
of whoever whatever wherever.
I sit at my computer and I look at all the pictures
and why we can’t have these moments again.
What did I do?
Was I mean?
Can we have it again?
Why not?
If you saw me crying this very moment as I type
these words on the same laptop I keep the photographs saved,
would you want to be saved as well to be a part of my life?
I will never try and make you stay,
I won’t beg,
but I continue to cry, for this is the power of a photograph.
Never thought I would want to belong so bad.
At least in a photo with us standing together and our
arms around each other,
I had it once,
and I know I’ll have it again.
Even if it isn’t you,
someone can help me.
You’ll be making new memories,
and I’ll be alone making a
collage of the photos I saved.
(Click)
This is me now,
alone.

They say every rose has it's thorn,
and every baby has it's mother.
They tell me that if the shoe fits, wear it,
and there are two sides to every story.

What if,
the rose makes my hands bleed,
what if the baby lost it's mother,
what if I don't like this shoe,
and what if the story is too hard to
hear?

I am full of grit but as everyone else,
I fear what I don't know.
What will it be like when we are
hours away, I'm here and you are
not?
This love has shaped me into a
better woman,
and has made me aware of how
beautiful and angelic I am.

We can do this together,
long distance,
and still in love.
As time goes and we get closer
to where priorities meet,
I just don't know how it will be.
It won't be easy,
but what is?

Searching for your own self and only you be the judge

Pretend it is only you in the world and nobody else matters right now

Accept your looks, your gifts, your talent, and most of all, you

Come clean that it is only a moment before you reach back out and help      others who need you, even if it feels they use you.

Eat well, go outside, laugh, pray, and be happy, but don’t take this time for granted.

Where are you to hold me when I need you to?
Where are the understanding thoughts others have of my imperfections when I can't help myself either?
Why do the horrid memories replay in my hippocampus when I thought I already turned them off?
Where is my mania to squash my depression half?
Why do I seem helpless and wait forever to succeed in the adult world?
Why do I get so intensely excited then become an antagonistic monster?
Why did I not know then what I know now?
Becoming a victim completely unaware.
Proved wrong and I strip to be the bad one
so everyone shuts up.
Humiliated and hurt and everyone looks out for me.
Naive behavior and hunger too strong I steal from others.
Tears swelling in front of small children.
A girl who wanted nothing but for me to suffer.
A boy who wanted nothing but my genitals.
A troubled woman who wanted nothing but my time.
A guy who wanted nothing but for me to be his *****.
A guy who possessed me,
Though everyone at some point
Did.
I've been owned, abused, humiliated, hurt, assaulted, victimized, bullied, made fun of, attempted to **** myself, blown off, screamed at, fought with, admonished, antagonized, used, looked down on, bossed around, yelled at, pushed, shoved, thrown away.
Today,
I have love that is a beautiful miracle and proof I will be loved without being pushed into what's only for him.
I have a few good friends who care and don't grab my hand.
I occasionally hate who I'm becoming when the anger within is the kraken in my body swerves herself around me inside slowly and aggressively.
Only way she comes out is through profane vulgarity in my words and through my lips.
They're gone,
They're not mine,
They're hurtful,
But remember they're only for a moment.
I'll be done with the anger one day someday,
and the kraken is just a myth.
Though my traumatic stories may seem like a myth too,
be grateful I'm still here and
smiling.:)

I am never used to optimism,
I am only used to the humiliation in
the end,
the consequence,
and what daydreaming via excitement
can lead to.

I am never used to planning,
I think,
I don’t.

I am getting used to learning and growing
from the consequences of ambition
God knows where this jump roping feeling
in the mind can lead to,
and the tequila ******* in the heart can
push into.

I am not used to putting and bringing
people together without some form
of shock in my system.
I am the bad guy,
afterall.

Putting feelings together of lust and desire are
the privilege and curse of having someone on your mind
and questioning yourself however you do and however insecure you feel.
Putting together the words and steps of how to approach and
spell out that you like them are the scariest and most skeptical
letters you will ever choose in your life.
Once you said them, they are gone from inside, and then taken care
of outside like the mother bears with their cubs and the rabbits with
their babies,
we knew there was something there, forgetting  the questions and thoughts.

Putting together a relationship makes you nothing but ambitious
and your eyes glitter, you look nowhere but up thanking the world
you are where you are, it is what it is, and you are who you are.
Putting together the days you will come together again are when you
lay in bed alone, and pray you will lay together soon again.
Putting together a life is crucial and emotional,
times change, so does everyone, and nothing lasts forever.
I love you, and I know you do too.

Being young not wanting to get old for the first time in my life,
I could never put anything together, pull myself together, or
mature if you and I were not together.
We will see where we go, this journey, this time, this phase,
this relationship,
I love being together with you, feeling your touch and your brown
eyes lock onto me, and your long black hair flowing in the wind,
you make me feel like a beauty queen whenever I feel like a disaster.
I feel you too and I see in your smile you feel like the king of the world
as I want you to.
Complications are conquerable, age is a number, time goes by, and how I
feel your warmth just by thinking how we can put things in place and grow
together,
we will have to see what happens,
I like this vision.