I don’t want to hurt you,
but I have no choice.
You have a better life,
and a hearable voice.
You got it,
and I lost so much more.
I will speak my hostility once,
and pray our intimacy will be
the way it was
before.
It doesn’t work that way
yes I know.
Your being happy is just
screaming to me you have
pride and ego.
I’ll never have the plans and excitement
so I can never dare.
I hope for misery to happen to you someday
and that will get you to put it down
look at me,
and say you
care.
I know you do but you have more
on your mind than I do in
my own.
Let me ask you this,
when is the last time
you were left
grieving and alone?
You’ll find me at
home,
I will never be well
known.

When you walk out of the room like that,
do you know how that reflects on me?
When you choose someone else's posse over
what I created,
how do you think that makes me feel.
There was once me, lost and disgraceful,
now here I am, found and hated.
I made this for us not me.
This is how I got what I needed when there
we're thoughts leading to chances.

When I sit and stare out the doorway,
do you know how it hurts when there are more than thousands of footsteps and no hearts to care?
When the hour goes by, how would you feel if you worked so hard and stood alone?
Everyone knows I'm a fool,
I'm weird,
Inept.
You cannot **** what you did not create.
For once and for all,
leave it up to me.
I saw it dead and gone from the beginning,
but anything that becomes dead,
it's not going to be me.

This virtue
I have learned from your warmth
and understanding of my imperfections.
This time
who would ever know it would be this intriguing youre not here and I'm not there.
The anxiety
drilling disbelief in my head,
when I think of you and hear your voice in my head,
hope and belief in this love pours itself and cements the holes in my mind.
Avid desire
to be beside you and tell you everything,
I want to hear everything from you and how you are.
It takes time to be together again, none of it would happen without the patience you taught me.
I look forward to seeing you again.

This one is for the girl who thinks  she's the boss.
For the condescending one recovering from a major loss.
To the boy who has future expectations higher than the testosterone out of control.
For the one in the group who says everyone is nothing but a toll.

I write this through disappointment based off of the sayings of "no".
We hold hands around ones we trust, and we are commanded to let our hands go.
We see eye to eye, the others are worth a furious cry.
Pray for all to change and become pale as we are around the same table at five pm.
Groaning and cringing at the thought we would be meeting here again.

It's hard to see others have a stronger connection through love and trust.
After the first date, we put time for you,
yet you continued to sulk and therefore you cussed.
Speaking competitively to him and good thing you men resolved all the stress.
Though the rudeness I continued to have dissolved in my heart that had a spot for our group,
turns out I was the one who was loved the less.

To the guy who rolled his eyes as my boyfriend and I held hands on a couch.
To the one who saw us kissing and looked like you were about to scream "ouch!"
To the girl who grew up just to feel alright again.
To the other girls who approved of us and are my best friends.

So forget you, I'm gone.
I learned that I was wrong
to try and belong,
I thought we'd get along.
I will never change to become one of you
the interests you obtain I don't wish to follow  through.
Not one congratulations on us being together.
That night I decided to leave you it wasn't now or never,
It is what I should have done long before I had.
We were just another dysfunctional group of people
who saw each other's success as something insufferable and a reason to be sad.
It wasn't about us,
It was about making up for what we couldn't have in our personal lives.
So live up to your fullest, and from me, expect no more
begging replies.
(Sighs);)

Shake your head as many times as you want,
say no once and call yourself estranged.
Walk alone and see the light,
take it for granted as they took you.
This is how miserable people think and what
ignoramuses do.
Making room and setting limits is all about
protection.
It took til now to be alright with independent strides and freedom highways.
Tailgates light the way and green highway signs tell me it's never too late and I can go
anywhere.
Even if nobody comes with me,
I keep them in mind.
If I pull over to look at directions and panic while praying for the lord above to guide me,
the gas tank is half empty half full.
Within the half amount of gas I have on my freedom ride, there are happy memories within my mixed feelings of letting you go.
I say to myself,
"What would they have done?"
The time I knew you is the time I needed you.
I don't need you but I still have plenty of room for you in my car and someday my life.
You come in anytime,
Let's go, and let ourselves
Go.

Just think of me as part of the past,
part of the problem,
part of the reason
to step up for
Yourself.
If you're one of the guys,
think of how lucky you are
you're not walking down church
steps with the handle of my coffin
in your right or left hand.
If you're one of the girls,
think of how lucky you are
to be thinner than me with
less problems.
I have 99,
you won't be one anymore.
I'll deal with it by getting iced
coffee alone and focusing on
reality only.
I never understood fantasy,
and you'll never learn how to
understand
me.

Feeling your face pressed to my shoulder and hearing you breathe as you teared,
I held you close, you held me too,
never did I want to let go of the moment,
or a perfect love like you.
You know my story, my secrets, my struggles.
You know I try, I fight, I continue when I don't win.
I know your story, your secrets, your struggles.
You try so hard, you fight til the end, what I learn from you makes me a better person.
Neither of us are perfect,
but we agree we are for one another.
Even when times are hard and the worst thought comes to mind,
I rest in your arms, you hold me close and tight,
and I think of how long I want to live with you
by my side.
I surrender the thoughts,
and hold on to
you.
I love you.<3