What dreaded curse has engulfed us all?
Surrounded by those who need us the most.
Their eyes are hollow and their words are empty,
As they call to their neighbors for a helping hand.

A man who is trapped by the vice of addiction,
Cursed to perish from this horrid affliction.
A pregnant young girl who is eating for two,
Abandoned by love she believed had come true.

They still bear smiles from time to time,
But we put them down for who they have become.
We judge them and scorn them for what they have done.
But we are the ones that did this to them.

Our way of life has destroyed many dreams.
Competive nature in its very seams.
Selfish in nature, no problems equate.
On the words I held back, I will suffocate.

So many times I've reached out a hand,
But changed my own mind in exchange for my pride.
I've held my chin high to ignore those below,
And I have become a part of the norm.

My hands,
Idle hands.
Empty and soft;
Harmless, don't you think?

Take a second thought;
What have they done?
These hands,
Idle hands.

From palm to palm,
He marks them red,
And then he gets,
Inside your head.

The Devil dwells,
In silent minds.
What you will seek,
You should not find.

Before you know,
Your mind will go.
Your deal is sealed,
The curse will show.

Your hands,
Idle hands.
The Devil roams,
Unseen by all.

But now you know,
The Devil's code.
Our hands.
Idle hands.

I wish for one night, everyone could see,
What lies inside my heart. What lies within me.
It's the truth! Unwithered, but hidden for years.
Pain, sadness, and all of my fears.

Pain.
From every single girl that didn't give me a chance.
From all the ones who laughed when I asked them to a dance
From all the ones to told me, "I don't see you that way."
From all the times I thought, "I'll **** myself today."
The pain never goes away.

Sadness
From all the girls who called me, "ugly" and meant every word.
From all the girls I want, but I know I'll never have.
From the countless times that I've tried to show them who I am.
From all the times I was left behind for someone I can't be.
I curse everyday that I am me.

Fear.
Is me in the future, dying all alone.
Without someone to love me, or even call my own.
Death is no longer at the top of my list.
He would be my savior from this life that I live.
What a curse it is to be me.

Unwanted because I'm ugly.
Unwanted because I'm nice.
Unwanted because there's others.
Unwanted because of who I am.
Have you ever wished for day,
That you could be someone else?
Anybody but you.
Anybody but yourself.

Everyday.
Every **** day.
I just wish I could be them.
The ones who are always wanted.
The ones who are always loved.

I spend my whole life wishing that maybe,

Just maybe...

For just one girl....

That I could be enough.

Apathy. Cynicism. Envy. Shame.
Emotions that flood my thoughts day to day.
This darkness, This plague; It has hollowed my heart.
It has shattered my spirit and all feeling is lost.
This ghost has a name.

Regret.

Regret is the weight of the burden I bear.
It's all that I've lost when I said, "I don't care."
It's the lies that I forced myself to believe.
Opportunities I've lost in the name of ignorance.

I no longer remember who I see in the mirror.
A fellow, that I, have never seen before.
Is it him? Is it me? Was I blind, now I see?
The truth can be painful, but I must believe.

So it begins.
The end, but not the end.
The end of a chapter. The end of a stanza.
A sheltered life; the life of my past.

Fear; t'was my struggle.
The fear of being held back.
But the struggle to free myself from restraint,
Became my very shackles.
I was my own prisoner,
In these walls that I've built, so high.

I hear in the air, the call of a Siren.
A call to my soul. A call to my fate.
The Siren of change.
She announces my time.
The time of rebirth.
My hour of epiphany.

I am awake.
I can breathe. I am free.
Free from myself. Free from my sins.
This is where the new chapter begins.

As I look upon the human race;
Just normal everyday people,
There is only one word that stands out in my mind;
Disgusting.

******* disgusting.

Putrid wastes of human space.
******* air and eating food.
They never stop eating, they never stop drinking,
While some other people starve to death.

Selfish and stupid.
People scramble for "stuff".
With money they don't have for **** they don't need.
Then they whine about working their dead end jobs.

Animals. Pigs.
Breeding like rats.
Even the ones that shouldn't reproduce.
Just making more useless ******* people,
To contribute to a materialistic, elitist, bigoted global society.

"This is cool. That is cool.
That's ******* lame."
All these stupid ******* rules.
Pop culture and the so-called, "status quo."

And how violent can people get?
Picking fights over dumb ****.
Gang members and terrorists.
It's never safe anymore.

How many more wars must we see before peace?
How many more years before love overcomes all?

It'll never ******* happen.
Because humans are pathetic.

Just another ******* animal with a bigger brain than the rest.

I see through them, right through your walls.
So solid and tall, that you built brick by brick.
Laid one at a time, with a little piece of you,
In every single one of those bricks.

When did you lay the cornerstone?
The very first piece that started it all?

The very first time that your heart fell apart.
The very first time you lost someone close.
The very first truth that you tried to hide.
The first memory that you tried to forget.

The mortar is mixed with your darker side.
It is hardened by sadness, angst, and anger.
Pain is the glue that binds them together.
Keeping the wall between you and them.

To keep them from seeing the tears in your eyes.
To keep them from hearing the sobs from your chest.
You're feeling alone, and I know why.

**You've built the walls way too high.

Countless nights with my hand on my chin,
In silence, in solace, in darkness at night.
The hunger for knowledge and quest for the truth,
Lead me to a desk with a small dim lamp,
Where I sit and I ponder my questions in life.

I wonder how many people like me,
Have sat in their rooms or personal sanctuaries.
Sitting alone on the verge of epiphany,
Struggling to find the perfect words to define,
Their thoughts or emotions or questions like mine.

Einstein's theory of relativity.
Tesla's ideas of electricity.
Wilde's philosophy on the emotion of love.
These men are defined by the great things they did,
Because they defined the visions in their head.

My pupils dilate as I stare at my walll.
Time slows down when I'm in deep thought.
Everything, all of it, rushes at me.
I cannot describe the things that I see,
When I turn on the switch of possibility.

Fire and brimstone are nothing compared,
To the hell that I see, that I live, that I am.
You see, Hell is not a place where the ****** are condemned,
But a place in my head where Regret is the king.

It's a place where everything I wish I could've taken back,
Is played over and over and over again.
Torturing me and who I want to be,
With the image of who I was in the past.

Regret is the king, but Satan is me.
I am the accused, the shamed, the opposer.
The struggle is defining who I am today,
In the midst of the memories that I refuse to believe.

Demons are the memories that haunt me.
Beckoning me with false justification.
Chastising me with the whip of ignorance.
Killing me with the truth of my actions.

Hell is not the domain of evil.
Hell is not the source of all wrong.
Hell is a place inside of our heads.
Where we refuse to go and never want to be.

Who are you?

My heart longs to know.
For your face is a mystery,
Along with your existence.

Do you know?

That I'm here and waiting for you.
And that these empty hands,
Long and hope to hold yours.

My heart will be yours.

Before we even know.
For if destiny is real,
Then our fates will entwine.

Are you afraid?

That our paths will never cross?
Sleep well then, my dear.
For this is something we share.

Alone, we are not.

Even though we both are.
Our desires are shared,
Where ever you are.

Do you hear me?

My muse of mystery.
My one true love.
**If you even exist.