She is all he needs and desires
And its about time that I require, someone who knows I’m not a fool

(Nice sad convo)
Him) “see you tomorrow, alright”
Me) “you too.”

With a period

That vacant stare of yours
Will and never scare me anymore
But I see it more often in myself now
And that scares me

When you **** a man in the name of law
You alone, have killed a man

You opened up to me
All flesh and bone
You let me see your weakest and strongest parts


I was in all of them

I’m so selfish
I’m the worst person I’ve met
Why haven’t I seen through his view
He always says hi
But I just act uninterested and say hi in a weird manner now
Maybe he’s trying to talk about it
I’m so awful
But at the same time I was trying to talk about it and he left me waiting for a month
I feel worse

They always say to keep your head held high
But never over the clouds

I guess I have nothing else to say about Angle

He never loved me then
And he never loved me now

I hope I can recover way more quickly
This time

I wish to see you in my dreams
I wish to see your beauty that you call home
I wish to get to know you

In the morning I’ll pick you up to go to school
Hold your hands even though your nervous
In the halls
Let everyone stare
They don’t know this feeling

We’ll skip classes
Run around the football field
Dance and trip
Make up fake passes

We’ll hide behind the tree’s shadow
While my hands on your face
We’ll see eachother from our perspectives
And share a quiet moment
And a kiss

Now noticing that we
Can be loved by strangers
And laugh
And leave school early

You said you were busy
But at least you like my recent photos
I purposely posted to see if you would like them
Glad to know we’re both up at 1am

Ode to the sad mans face I saw on the lonely mountain

Being a workaholic
And needing something to take my mind off things
I’ve grown to be very talented
It’s such a blessing and a curse
But hey at least I forget about you in the moment

I can see you
through you
your minds a mess
you see nothing else but the light that reflects your lighter
while i make my way towards you
the whole world starts moving faster and faster
you stroll away
i feel ashamed
i want to feel closer

You lonely bird
How do you do it?
You fly so passionable, but your always alone
What do you see that I can’t?
I envy you
But I’ll never tell you how much I love you

That one person can restore your faith in love,
And rob you of it at the same time - Maria Mena

12/30/18

9:37

“I don’t need him”
As a silent minutes passes
He says again
“I don’t need him”
He then realizes that he was always happy with or without him from the beginning
“Ode. Ode to finally finding happiness without the need of him giving me it. I can find it and give it to myself!”

As I’m standing outside my open sliding door
During the rain
Listening to the sounds
Not caring who hears
I scream,
“*******! But don’t forget I loved you”
im not going to wait for you no more

Trying to find a little
Order in the chaos

So I take a bus ride
In the afternoon
You all look so happy, and me
I'm barely hanging on

This is what you do to me

Drag myself out on
To the floor
Trying to find a little chaos in the order
So I take a bus ride
Past your house every day
You never fully leave me
But you, you never fully stay

This is what you do to me -Gemma

I’m crying
And it’s my birthday

I don’t like asking for help
I’ll just feel like an attention *****
I’ll deal with it until I take it out on my art

I’ll cry later, I need to work

You aren’t affected by this

Unlike you
I would risk my own life to view the beauty of everything
I’d hold my breath as long as I could to view the waves
Even in the problems you give me
I try to see the beauty
I even try to hold my breath

To show how bad you were
I fell more in love with the scenery
Than with you

Can you for once
Take me serious
I know how you feel
Your the one who's scared
I loved you
And still love you

I gave you ‘’my’’ opportunities
My self worth
My time
My body
Just to you

Now that you're leaving  
Can’t you just leave me a part of you
I know it seems selfish but It's just not fair

I gave you love
True love
And all I got back in return was.

Your the very reason
I grip my body pillow at night

You weaved yourself into my lovely embroidery
I wish you didn’t mess it up
But it’s lovelier
Minimalistic and abstracted (a tree tapestry)

You taught me
That I can’t do this alone
But I’m not sure about that
I feel your roots in me
I know your trying to take my soil

Over time a tree blossomed and produced fruit
Now that your gone
It’s starting to wilt a bit
It’s my duty now to nourish it

Even though the fruit is too bitter and sour
The aftertaste is sweet
I’ll share them, like my poems
Letting everyone enjoy it or dislike it

Why are there times that we don’t cry (even when someone dies)

I remember being able to see your eyes in the flowers
My dreams
My paintings
And in my life
Now the only thing I can see you in are glances from the other room

I don’t like (the way you move me)

Ill hug you
like the draped silk over the coffee table

The room was filled with an aroma
Even though I was sick
I could still tell it was your cologne
Too strong
(As always)
As I laugh it off
I start to cry

No matter how awful I feel right this moment
I hope your happy
I hope she makes you feel nice
Thanks again

“Those Days”

Those days remind me of the loneliness you pulled me from my knees through
Remember, my head was the one in the water not yours
Your hands were over my head not mine

You forced your way in making me think I caused the infidelity
Your the problem, look in the mirror
I’m your reflection
Your not here

I don’t know you
But we sleep in the same covers

You cover
I cover

I’ll recover

I might look the same
and I might act the same too
but i'm a little different now
I hope this was for the best
I wish you knew that i'm not strong enough to talk to you right now
say something
please

Say something
I told him
I’m waiting for a response

Are those two green chairs a figment of my imagination
I don’t know where they came from
They don’t see it
No one else sits on them
They all pass them by looking for seats
As I make my way over
I hear the echoing of your screams as you fell in the shower
It haunts me
As if when you die
I will too
I feel at home
I’m writing this while searching for those two green chairs again

I sometimes think of your hair
The way you made me feel
Dou, you were and still are the best
You were more than a friend to me
I see you in him,
Sometimes I feel awful about it
I hope you get this somehow
I know your far and all
But I still think we do the same things as before

Your kindness can be easily mistaken for love
It’s disturbing
And I’m tired
You make my head hurt

There’s so many things I hate to say
But it’s true
I miss you
The way you move
The way you walk
The way you look aloof

Fills the air
We intertwine  
Should have kissed you

But it’s true
It didn’t work
We didn’t try
I miss your curls
I miss your mind
I miss your body
I miss your name
Wish you felt the same

There’s reason I hate to say these things
But it’s true
I just missed you

See you tomorrow (I hope I never see you again)