It's supposed to be about the journey
but I don't know where I am!
Is it the beginning or the middle
I'm sure I'll never understand

It would be much clearer I'm sure
if I knew exactly 'why' I was travelling
Was I given a destination
as this is just too challenging

Are there supposed to be clearer signs
or a guide when I'm losing my way
I've been heading this way forever
and now I'm sure I need to be saved

I was not provided with a map
a plan was never discussed
so now I'm walking aimlessly
desperately trying to keep my head up

You can clearly see I'm frustrated
and annoyed at this 'merry dance'
Someone pass me an A to Z of life
and at least give me a fighting chance

You offer me so much
but you're not sure what I want
I try so hard to explain
maybe I need to change the font

Always the same conversation
each and every time
but those all important words
seem to be lost or left behind

Acknowledgements are made
improvements last for a while
I can see you trying to hard
fighting to maintain the smile

I know you honestly love me
you always try your best
I feel I'm asking enough of you
my needs should be much less

The loneliness creeps back in
I feel myself withdraw
You don't seem to see it though
we just carry on as before

I then can't bring myself to ask
for you to spend time with me
I wish you'd notice the divide
and for you too, to feel the need

You tell me just to 'speak'
and let you know how I feel
but why don't you want it too
it's always my appeal

This is not your issue I know
my sighing heart is not whole
I'm faulty and permanently broken
and none of it's your fault

It begins as a warm fire
a tingling glow deep inside
attempting to ignore it
pushing it to the back of my mind

The warmth transforms to a burning
filling every ****** thought in my head
my body yearning and craving
the hot spot deep within my bed

I sadly wait frustrated
as at this moment I am all alone
and long for my man to return
when I know he'll make me his own

It was created over time
   my 'state of heart'
      and it bleeds
like an unhealing wound
  My 'state of heart'
   beats to an uncertain tune
     reminding me
       of notes that are ....

            familiar

Every day they're heard
  not in the same way though
    as before

        before, is long forgotten

My 'state of heart' tries to pull me
  in directions that are
     unacceptable
        unwise

it is at times 'childlike'

     'wide eyed'

caused maybe by a stolen youth
    I think

I'm sure it weeps sometimes
  my 'state of heart'
like an insignificant, weak object
  and I ignore it of course

Why respond to such shallow sounds?

  Disregarding it all
      I continue ..

To acknowledge it means I'm there
   I am far from it
     I promise

It's just ..
  
    my 'state of heart'

         doesn't

             realise

I hate to see you dear poet
writing out all your pain
it makes me feel quite useless
like an umbrella without the rain

I want to put my arms around you
to let you know someone is there
we won't even have to speak
it's just to let you know, someone cares

In reality there's a distance
and I'm unable to sit with you
but I hope you don't really feel alone
with this pain you're going through

If I were an artist
I could make you mine,
in full colour

I could delicately brush
every inch of you,
gently caressing your beautiful body
with each loving stroke

I would gaze at your form,
longingly,
stare into your eyes
without shame

Adding splashes of red
for love and passion
and maybe you
would love me too

If I were an artist
I could keep you forever

If it's excitement and adventure
that you need to fill your day
Head to where the books are
their part they're willing to play

Choose a book that suits your style
place it in your hands
Prepare yourself for the moment
where your mind will grow and expand

You can solve a ****** mystery
or laugh at others being a fool
When you're reading all these tales
you'll even forget you're at school

Why not go on a mission impossible
or fight in a world war?
You'll always come out alive
well, I think I know that for sure

Perhaps fall in love with a stranger
and together travel the world
Fly off to New York
and go shopping with the girls

Whatever it is you choose
it's all in the palm of your hand
Adventure at your fingertips
It's only the time you need to plan

I'm unable to ask for help
What if I'm turned away?
Can't take rejection
So in this situation I'll stay
My fear of being ignored
Outweighs this pain
What choice do I have?
Feels like I'm going insane!
Why am I so stubborn?
Is this the price I'll pay?
Think everything is Black and White
Need to dissect the Grey
"God help me perfect this on my own!"
It will be my Salvation, at the end of the day

It's with my eyes and mouth that I smile
I like to make others feel at ease
You'll only know me for a while
To know I like to cheekily tease
My sense of humour is very naughty
Sometimes get in trouble it's a fact!
Although I'm just over forty!!
I refuse to grow up and that's that!
I can be sensible and mature too
But life can get so serious at times
I take a step back to think things through
Sometimes put pen to paper, words on lines
But if I can keep smiling and laughing
At myself and life and friends
Remind myself that life's a journey
Accept the uphill struggle, twists and bends
I will get through it and still be smiling
At the end
: )

I wonder if I just began to walk
would my destination be you
I'd begin my journey and follow my heart
It seems to sing a song that's so true

I think it would direct me towards the sun
and I would readily walk the path
There'd be no need to rush
as we've both known from the start

One day I'd just start walking
feeling pulled in your direction
Moving steadily towards you
to be the object of your affection

So prepare yourself my love
our time has now come
I'm ready and on my way
my journey, has already begun

You're always there beside me
yet I keep you one heartbeat away
even after a thousand leaves have fallen
it's just my way of staying safe

Never an intention to hurt me
but heartaches can often follow
You suffer sometimes more than I
when reminded of my hearts sorrow

Whole and complete I want us to be
I yearn for it but you'd never know
as I keep you one warm breath away
the same distance as two flakes of snow

Longing for the liberating day
when it's all for you without exception
maybe soon after a thousand rays of sun
and I am without fear of rejection

I'll keep you closer than my own heart
our melodious beats will be the same
my whispers, on a thousand warm breezes
will always carry your name

x

My mind is full of thoughts of you
   Green eyes, readily searching
       Lips still laced with your taste
          Neck exposed awaiting your kiss

              My whole body alert, ready for your touch


Fingertips stretching, exploring
   Hands desperately grasping a memory
     Arms hopelessly clutching a vision of you
       Legs striding eagerly in your direction

             Bare feet retracing the steps ....

                  of our forgotten love.

□   ... he tried to piece together
                               her
                                  soul
                      ­  with words

          they were scattered
                                   poetically
                                     'clinging'
      
            in an attempt
               to occupy the hollow darkness□

Each day I let you go
leave the 'idea' of you behind
already in the past
like the love letter I signed

It's drifting helplessly around
upon the warmth of the air
not realising its importance
within it, my soul lays bare

You feel lost to me now
just a vision in my mind
Never to touch or caress again
the lost love I was denied

Another day destined for the past
but how I wish it wasn't so
One last look at a fading memory
and this new day to let you go

How many times did I die
how many times did my heart fail to beat
How many times did I just lay
and just stay amidst defeat

How many times did I starve
how many times did I cry
How many times did I just want to sleep
when you left, when we said 'Goodbye'

How many times did I collapse
how many times did I fail to get up
How many times did I force myself to continue
when I knew what in me was not enough

How many times did I think of you
how many times, did you I search
How many times did I try to forget
and my voice could not say the words

How many times did you think of me
how many times did you care
How many times did you even realise
I thought I'd die without you there

I just died in your words tonight
and began to slowly fall
In a state of semi consciousness
among soft words, I felt so small

This scenario didn't frighten me
for death it would be the perfect place
I'd give myself to your words
and the soft curves I would trace

I'd caress them with my finger tips
they'd be the last thing I would feel
So gently like they're fragile things
my breath,  they'll eventually steal

In the end I'd lay down quietly
beside each loving phrase
just closing my eyes so softly
holding your words until the light fades

...a place I must quickly find
          to lay these words in peace
            to escape my congested mind
              in which they torment and tease

                       they need to be seen by you
                desperately want to be heard
                so now I must release them
           each and every sordid word

           it's like my mind is compelled
      and I'm going against my free will
                 but a decision had to be made
                  for my chaotic mind to be still

                            I'm laying myself bare
                 exposing every part of me
  see kindly please, my nakedness
   as you're now seeing all of me

        I watch you stare into my eyes
                       urgently trying to see it all        
                            glancing at bare white skin
                          searching deep within my soul..

I'm sure I saw your fingerprints
a subtle mark upon my skin
forgetting your touch now
I wonder how long it's been

A voice once called me
from within a busy crowd
I turn knowing you're not there
the sound disappeared into
the clouds

I sometimes inhale the scent of you
but you're nowhere to be seen
although when I clearly see you
I forget it's only my dreams

a soft sensation on my neck
your warm lips and scented breath
those full lips once told me you loved me
and how much I meant

the curls behind my ear gently move
I know it's your whisper, from the past
the words that flowed from your mouth
telling me that this kiss would be our last

Hearts get broken, once and then again
without receiving love we'd go insane
  Like a sponge, it soaks up all the feelings
   confusing our head and leaving us reeling
    Our 'one true love' or 'infatuation'
     the one we worship and give all our devotion
      We give our 'everything' over and over
       all to our beautiful, enticing lover
        Giving our all and then we pray
          pray, they wont' take it all away
           If the day comes, the one we dread
            taken is the food of love we were fed
             Our soul is destroyed, no fight to defend
               hearts are broken once, and then again

The man behind the pen
my, oh my!
He's what you want him to be
his words will take you to the sky

He is strong and alluring
tall, dark, good looking too
leaving you breathless and yearning
wanting so much more, and soon

Strong hands and a solemn face
he too, a little lost inside
guiding the pen with such grace
he's an honest man with pride

Solid arms, darkened by hair
they'd feel so good surrounding me
beautiful eyes holding a look so rare
I'd choose to stay, never to flee

He'd tenderly kiss me and stroke my cheek
promise to protect me forever
I'd gaze into his eyes feeling weak
knowing we'll always be together

◇


                  ~Why am I always searching
                       will I ever know?
                         What's it like to find it
                           to be at peace and to grow~

                                                 ~

                 ~Why am I always searching
                      should I let it come to me?
                        Yet I need to know the meaning
                          about all my life's meant to be ~

                                                              ­                                         ◇

I need to say Goodbye
but to whom I'm not sure
Soothing a pain in my heart
wondering if there is a cure
Feel I've lost a love
although I don't know where
Sitting peaceful and still
searching for a memory somewhere
Wandering away from reality
into the extend of my mind
Is it respite or retreat?
Pulled firmly by my heart I find
Not sure how long I'm absent
or if all of me returned
Yearning for lost memories
that contained all I had learned

Please read in landscape



♡

     Sometimes
     when we are together
    
                                     intimately,

      you pause,

                        look deep into my eyes,
                                 peer into my soul almost

      Your body,  surrounds
                                         and com­pletes me

      There is never a time
                          when we are closer ..

                                      in body,

                                            in mind.
                                                           ­                       ♡

A blank canvas to start
a direction at first unknown
blinkered but progressing slowly
or following signs and clear paths shown

Flow with the grey days
don't submit to the black
keep following blue skies
not spending too long looking back

In a purple haze of confusion
on one of those misty days
a greenness of new beginnings
is never far away

A spectrum of colours
can depict our eventful lives
each blended with incredible hues
that encourage us to thrive

Can we choose our direction?
Is there a predestined chart?
I wish for the colour in my world
to mirror the beauty of art

I beg you to let the light shine on me
it opens up my world
opens up my eyes to see

Hold the brightness from above
promise me you'll stay
I can now see all that I am afraid of

Things don't look so daunting now
it should always be this way
Why don't you stay and show me how?

It's as though I've been locked in a room
it was so lonely and dark
like the furthest place from home

Maybe now I can see a new beginning
a freshness has just arrived
the birds and my heart are singing

Stay in the daylight, foul fears
just leave me be
my smiling eyes should be left without tears

▪▪  We are very different sometimes

            'you and me'

When you're feeling down
                        the need for me
                                   for comfort

doesn't always seem necessary to you


        I always
                         lean
             in your direction

                I need skin, upon my skin
                      warm and gentle hands

                                upon my arm,

                                    upon my heart


                          I absorb the heat,
                             like a healing power

       Your gentle breathing reminds me
                                     that I am not alone

                                    I need that so much..
                                                   I need you..
                                        

                 ­           I wonder why
                               you don't always
                                   need me
                                      this way  ▪▪

You are still beside me
yet you are gone!
I walk, feeling for your hand
but there is just thin air
I think of you,
when my mind is already full
Wanting to kiss you,
those lips are no longer there
I sleep with you
but only in my mind
Craving to be with you
even when I want to be alone
Many dreams of you
that I lose and then find
My heart breaking
it weeps and moans
But I know this ....
when I am gone
and I am lost
you will want me
to find you    

x

unwanted thoughts
are gracefully swept away

with each withdrawing wave,
new and fresh ones
bring a clear, salty
crispness to my mind

how this wonderful sight
makes me feel like
                          'me'
                             ­         again

the sounds of the ocean
prevent my own harsh words
being used against myself

the fragrance surrounds me

                            I inhale ..

it brings a scented sanity
that I hold onto with both hands

too quickly I have to depart
but these things stay with me
yet I am clinging desperately still

          soon I will return ..

                       I must return ..

the sounds will fill my head
the sights will remind me
of who I am
and again the scent will soothe me

once more
    I will take another piece home

            absorb it,

                 hold it,

                      so very close to my heart

Living a lonely life
that is just so coldly cruel
I forced you to turn, walk away
when you were willing to be my fool

Holding on to the painful words
I knew I wanted to say
they choked up my insides
on that dark and desolate day

A million emotive words
stabbed at my throat and heart
I found them hard to swallow
when they were of our love

A desperate and yearned for intimacy
when for me,  there was none
the seams that held me together
were finally coming undone

I pleaded to save your soul
to show that you were not lost
I almost gave it all
but feared there would be a cost

I lay here again broken,  yearning
still nursing a scarred soul,
weeping and questioning
if you even cared at all