Years of knowing I wasn’t wanted
Have poisoned the tenderest
Portions of my soul.

Butterflies have become moths
And the music is always out of tune.

The sunset is an ugly smear
And sunrise holds no promise.

Flowers do not yield perfume
And all the birds are Ravens.

Words that used to comfort me
Now echo back in hateful tones

I tell myself there is a light
And try hard to believe it.

But it’s illusive and it fades
Each time I think I see it.

Wanting to be wanted
Turns out to be a foolish game.

How can anybody want me
When I don’t even want myself.
ljm

If Jack the Ripper lived in OZ
He'd have a double name
He'd be   "That Ripper Jack the Ripper"
He was very good at what he did.
                                   ljm

You wear a flowing satin cape
Lined with brightest red
Your top hat is not really hollow
No matter what you said

You said it’s truly magic
You think we are insane
You do a little slight of hand
And call it legerdemain

But I suspect a shyster
Is hiding in that cloak
So I won’t choose a walnut
I don’t want to end up broke.

No matter how they switch around
The pea is never there
It doesn’t matter what you choose
You miss it by a hair.  

Most magic is a sucker’s game
That we all gladly play
The hand IS faster than the eye
It has to be that way.
ljm

The whole world sings Happy Birthday Oprah
But I don’t see any cards or gifts.
I baked a little chocolate cake.
They won’t let me deliver it.

An Icon of so many things -
Once everybody got a car,
And now we know the books to read
And all the ways to diet.

It seems a shame that this award
Should fall across her shoulders.
When every virus has a name
And this one gets called Oprah
ljm

I love and honor each comment that is offered after one of my writes is posted.
Lately I haven't seen a fair number of comments until days later, after I  click on the name of my  poem as listed with someone else's comment.  I don't know if it's the HP site or my ancient Mac (Soon to be former Mac) that is causing it, but it annoys and embarrasses me.
I just want to let it be known that I respond to all comments that I read, and if there Is no response from me, you know I somehow didn't see your poem or your comment.
  ljm

In a life where malaise
Is the word of the hour and
Rules what the day will become,
I wander from this irritation
To that unknown grumble
And wonder why I feel so bad.
My need to keep going
Is fed by the longing
To see what’s ten years down the road.
         ljm

Some feel they are impervious;
That they alone can flout the rules
And go in crowds to crowded places,
Yelling epithets at any who complain.
How foolish is it possible for them to be -
Once they pick it up, they take it to their aged
Mother who doesn’t wash her hands so well. Soon
Everybody in the house is sick - and one will die. For what?
                                  ljm

Acrostic

Drowning in disappointment
Covered by dark waves of grief
Searching in vain for some happy
Wondering who was the thief

Aching to find validation
Betrayal the meal of the day
Longing to find some approval
Not knowing who stole it away

Clawing my way to each summit
Ignoring the cuts to my soul
Determined to climb every mountain
In hopes of at last being whole
                     ljm

1.  Funny how reality is easy to disguise
     In the hours of sun and busyness
     But it lights up like a neon glow
     In the minutes before dawning.

2.  Fairy tales and other fancies
     Float just out of reach and vision.
     As the sound of hammers down the street
     Drown out the song of morning blackbirds.

3.  There are Pansies with their velvet mein
     Growing somewhere out of sight
     But wishing will not bring them near
     Nor will it make the desert bloom.
                     ljm

I search for the daffodils and only find the brambles       
I listen for the music and only hear the traffic
I reach for little prizes and get my fingers slapped
I memorize the words but they won’t let me sing them

I batter at these stone clad walls but I cannot break through them
The ladder that I built fell short when I ran out of lumber
I found the only way around them ended in forever
So with this teaspoon I must dig until I have a tunnel.
ljm

There are things I must not think about
For if I do, I will hear the rumble
Of a Tsunami coming and
I’ll be swept away in a churning wash
Of memory and regret.

There are words I must not ever hear
They’ll cut me to the bottom of my core
And scissor open wounds no
Surgeon could stitch up again

There are photos I must never see
Of a happiness I can not share
And if I look, I’ll crumble into ashes.

There are places I can never go
For if I do it all will end.

And everything will have been for nothing.
ljm

The way was steep and rocky
A cliff on one side and a drop on the other.
I had not worn my hiking boots,
They were too old and broken down
And I could not afford new ones.  
My flimsy little tennis shoes
Felt every stone and crevice.

The wind was colder than I thought
Against my light-weight summer jacket.
I had no mittens for my hands
So I kept them in my pockets.

The sun was out when I began
The air was warm and the wind was calm.
The path was smooth and leveled out
With lovely vistas to be had.
I strolled along among a crowd
Of friendly, cheerful people
Until the path began to rise
More steeply than the posters showed,
And folks began to drop out one-by-one,
Not willing to surmount the rocks
That cropped up in the winding way.

I had a need to see the top
So I kept taking one more step
And one more breath of mountain air.
Cheerfulness grew difficult
As bigger boulders blocked the path.
But there was always a way around,
Although the footing was unsure.

I once looked over the drop on my left
And was gripped by paralyzing fear;
But I feared more to end my quest

My feet were sore, my hands were cold;
My nose was red and running.
But I could see the banner at the top
And my name was written on it.
Suddenly I was not alone
And I was not a failure.
I did what others could not do
And did it on a shoestring.
I had no fancy gear or help.
I climbed that mountain on my own;
So don’t tell me what I can’t do.
ljm

If you don’t want the entire U.S.
To suddenly erupt in volcanic flames
You convict those four evil cops
And chain them to a rock pile
In the hostile Nevada desert
Til they have made enough small gravel
To pay for every bit of damage
This country and its people suffered
So they could take a black man’s life.
ljm

Acknowledged as a beauty
In her youth, with a trim
Little figure that
Slowed the traffic
It did not stop,
She sailed through
Forty years
Like a butterfly.

The luster
Started fading
From her wings,
And oh so slowly
She became a moth,
Ever circling in closer
For bit more of the light.
ljm

Piles of grass on a new mown lawn
Sweet perfume of summer

Flowers blooming through sidewalk cracks
Promises of hope eternal

Flocks of birds in the evening sky
Time to put the reaper down

Laughter from a distant place
Joy that may be borrowed

Smell of cookies newly baked
Proof that love is manifest
ljm

I don’t know how to not be an actress.
I have no idea how to be real
What is it I really am any time feeling
And what is it that I truly want to do.
I need to tear down the theatre curtains
And stand without costumes on life’s stage

What can I use to take off the makeup
That turns me into who I am not
That covers up the scared little girl
Trying so hard to figure it out
Aching to know what the real villain is
And finding a way to subdue it.

Sensing the final act has begun
And my script is missing those pages,
I vainly search back stage for a prompter
Or someone who knows if I exit stage left
And what the script says is my final line
And if Curtain Call has now been cancelled.
                    ljm

I couldn’t become June Cleaver for you.
You couldn’t be Marcia Brady for me.
I tried to put that apron on
And learn to make a *** roast, but
You took a grudge and nourished it
And watched it thrive for 30 years
While I turned into a withered husk
In the desert of lost affection.

I wanted to be your special friend -
Your one safe place in a tempest.
I built strong walls and a comforting fire
You never set foot past the doorway.
The welcome mat was never pulled in
And a small light was always burning
But you were lost in a different place
And wouldn’t let me try to find you.
ljm