I remember every single kiss we shared,
From the boat below deck at 1 am, to the shore beneath the stars

I remember every embrace,
And how warm you felt

I remember every handhold,
How you complained that your fingers were shorter than mine

I remember our phone calls till 2 am,
About nothing and everything

I remember every argument,
How obstinate I was, how sad you were

I remember you dragging me out to a beautiful lake,
Just to break my heart

I remember feeling a cold emptiness take me,
As shock set in

I remember you driving me to the airport,
And Taylor Swift coming on the radio

We are never, ever, getting back together
You're a ******* prophet, Taylor

I remember holding you one last time at the airport,
My arms felt like melting wax

I remember you calling me drunk on your birthday,
Telling me about the guy at the bar who stuck his tongue down your throat

I remember you calling me sober the next day,
Repeating the same ******* story

I remember you asking me to come over that same night,
And me telling you that I wish I could

I remember writing you letters,
Pleading, desperate, insane

I remember you ignoring it all,
Silence still a harrowing novelty at the time

I remember the 2 years that followed,
And how far I've come, how far I haven't

I remember you falling asleep in my arms,
And how I've never been so happy

I remember you,
And sometimes I wish I didn't

I remember your scent well,
Of all things, coconut.

My clothes, my pillow,
It all smelled like you.

I clung to that scent and I knew it was fading,
"Please don't go."

You even sent me a letter smelling of you,
So your scent would be always be near.

And for months after, that scent made me recoil,
As all the memories came flooding back.

And now the scent is once again benign,
A gentle reminder of a love now lost.

I bit off more than I could chew,
When I said I wanted you

You were a mess of scars,
****** by awful men
And I was a boy,
Trying to lick your wounds

"I wanted to fix you," I said
Foolish boy,
You can't fix people

I should have called it quits
But your kiss left me breathless
And I was at wit's end

You ****** me too,
And when you were through,
I was no longer a boy,
But a shattered man

Now I've got a scar or two,
But what does it prove?
That I've learned my lesson?
Or that I'm ready to **** up again?

Every word I write about you,
Drives you deeper and deeper into the earth

Your blood spills on these pages,
Stained crimson for all to witness

A grotesque reminder,
Of all the seeping wounds so long ago

I'll never see you,
And I think I know how the sun must feel about the moon

You live on in my head,
Like a tumor I cannot excise.
Or refuse to.
I can't tell anymore.

Funny how nobody ever truly leaves,
They become ghosts,
Animated by regret, goodwill, love, jealousy, pettiness
Muffled by distractions, dates, girlfriends, ***.

Please, just let me be.

Reckless
Impulsive
Awful
Irresponsible
Frantic
Love