in the cohort of her hands, a disorder

lost dignity wrapped in the red of need
reckless and arrogant as lilies

an abundance of periphery
wavers at the sea-black hand

of hands of time of hands

rune stones
black granite spattered in stars

a slutter of language
of words of wombs

necrotic we burst
a pause of however

a narcosis of want

meander of limbs
siphoning brine-white tide

colorless-the disorder
marquis of white shadow
on seal slick waves

and the lilies,
petal outward

and in the silence
there were unknown weeks
where the flowers foundered
other bodies

there is a form in the garden
still as clay

we reddened our mouths
and still like clay

slant of a neck untattered
partitioning cerebral sea
arcing back on itself

there was a benign negligence
in the want-of flowers of lilies

vague signs of amplitude
pachyderm and small
in the grooves of lack

malnourished, contrite hands
flushed blooms of pink paper along
pink walls-flush seas of lack

vague symbols of wood and
purulent understanding a

nest of roots
dipping towards the alkaline sea

we didn’t even begin to understand
the range of mourning
becoming us

smooth white shells of elegant
weakened at the hock
distempered by the recent winters
foundering in the vacant space
between us

I mule you
through the tapestries of my desert
and am still, here
where I don’t belong

here I am spread as an excess
as an unfortunate truth
glossed by negligent hands

anxious, with the possible morning
indistinct dwindling winter
curling pink paper
along the walls of black sea
earth-tide

small weakened arrangement of groundcover
jostling in the ferns of truth

we measured the years in numerals
as with skin, ardent and ruddy

palpable lost youth

the rare wood of mistake
loosened from sleep

in the morning we resemble damaged objects
prized for obedience
at odd angles of deformation to time

in the body, a funeral
still warm

skin and stone a slender neck of atonement
for the absence of home

Lie next to me on the bed
and lets stare at the ceiling like it's the night sky,
Hold my hand so I don't feel alone, but don't let me go,
or I just might fall back into my head
and get lost again in my crazy thoughts

Please take me away from my mind,
Let me leave everything behind
and shut every door to my heart,
freeze my soul like a work of art,
forever frozen and alone through time,
numb and dead but beautiful and sublime.

The vex of all men has peered into my eyes once again
and glimpsed to me that which I long for most in this life.
Love, in all of it's beautifully destructive splendor,
it beckons me to let go of all rational thought
and surrender to the waves of my heart crashing down upon my soul.
Swallowing me up into this wild ocean of reckless emotion.
I am miserable in all ways imaginable and...

I woke up to my brain having a deathmatch with my skull,
It shouldn't be possible to be this young and feel this old,
I need a cure before I fall over and die,
and all I can do is ask my self why oh why oh why
did I try to drink the whole world away?
**** me, surely I could have made a better decision yesterday.

I don't know where on earth I've ended up,
there are lots of empty bottles and red solo cups,
where are the clothes I was wearing last night?
The clothes I'm wearing are way too tight,
Where are my keys? Where is my wallet? Where is the door?
**** me, I can't do this **** anymore.

My brain is at war and my flesh and bones are dying,
I'm just going to lay in this hot shower and start crying,
trying to remember what I did the night before,
hoping I have no more regrets in store,
why do I always have to give in to my friends?
**** me, I'm probably going to end up right back here again.

Little girl, what happened to you?
Little girl of chocolate milk 
and dandelions

You were so free
Sure you cried easy,
but you laughed freely too

Little girl, what have I done to you?
Little girl of day dreams
and make-believe

Your heart was so big
Maybe it was bruised at times,
but it always bounced right back

Little girl, I'm so sorry
You would be so disappointed 
to see what we've become

I lost you over time,
piece by piece,
like an old lego set

Out of broken glass
and cigarettes,
we became something new

It's hard to believe I was once you
That I was ever so pure
Now I'm what we never wanted to be

Little girl, I miss you
Little girl, I need help
Little girl, please come back