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Oct 2018 · 295
A moment of peace
Liz And Lilacs Oct 2018
Sometimes,
you find an empty stairwell.
Seldom used, not that clean.
But a gentle kind of quiet fills it,
the kind with chatter in the distance
and the smell of coffee from a nearby cafe.

You pause on the landing
between two flights.
A place between places,
a nowhere floor.
It's not a destination,
it's nowhere anyone's going.

Take a deep breath,
have a moment alone,
a moment of peace,
in this nowhere place.
May 2018 · 304
ink
Liz And Lilacs May 2018
ink
Blank journal pages:
All have dates, but instead of writing,
you just stared for ages
as your pen left a black inky pool.

I could lose myself in that pool
I dip my fingers in ink
and stare at the swirls
as I try not to let myself sink
Dec 2017 · 373
looking back
Liz And Lilacs Dec 2017
Sometimes,
lots of times,
I look back.

I fear I will turn to salt
like the taste of tears
reaching your lips.

I can't help it,
to turn back and look
it's human nature.

What do I look back at?

the good times
the bad times
lots of times

I'm different now
not bad not good not (yet) salt
just different.
sometimes i look back at my poems and think a stranger wrote them
Dec 2017 · 474
?
Liz And Lilacs Dec 2017
?
If you're writing from your heart...
Is it art?
Nov 2017 · 381
Poetry
Liz And Lilacs Nov 2017
I lost my touch
when it comes to
writing poetry.

But...
Frost, Baudelaire, Rimbaud
Angelou, Whitman, Eliot
all comfort me in my loss.
Apr 2017 · 533
Are you happy?
Liz And Lilacs Apr 2017
The other day
my dad asked if
I am happy
and I didn't know
how I could answer
and I couldn't lie
but I couldn't worry him
there was a long silence
I took a deep breath
and said
I'm doing my best
Apr 2017 · 494
.
Liz And Lilacs Apr 2017
.
.
I feel alone.
.
.
Apr 2017 · 815
Ghost Train Coffin
Liz And Lilacs Apr 2017
Sometimes, i feel like a ghost.
I'm sitting in an empty train car,
staring out at a barren countryside.
It's winter, the trees are dead, the sky is gray,
there's no trace of life outside,
no trace of life inside the train,
no trace of life inside of me.
This is the train in which
they transport my coffin.
The box that holds all that was me
as I sit as stare out the window
Sometimes, I feel like a ghost.
Apr 2017 · 633
My shadow is a tree.
Liz And Lilacs Apr 2017
I stand in the door way, backlit.
The light casts my shadow
sprawling at my feet,
my roots in the carpet,
growing into twisting branches
of light blocked by my skin and
flesh and bones and thoughts
like trees growing since time began
and thorns and leaves
shedding and spreading
I am me
and my shadow is a tree.
Mar 2017 · 639
Untitled... Draft
Liz And Lilacs Mar 2017
If you could see how many untitled drafts I have,
What would you think?
Shall I count them for you?
Upwards of twenty,
unfinished thoughts
and half formed metaphors,
poems where I just couldn't
find the words at the moment.
Mar 2017 · 388
Man overboard
Liz And Lilacs Mar 2017
It is like I have fallen into unfriendly waters,
and my boat could not stop for me
and I am swimming further and further out to sea
and there is no land in sight
and I am alone.
Mar 2017 · 423
To the miracle children
Liz And Lilacs Mar 2017
To the child who's youth was taken before it began,
Despite all your suffering, it is such a joy to see you play and smile and laugh. You are so brave, not to let your illnesses steal your light. I hope someday you get to see the world through healthy eyes and live without pain. You are beautiful and you are wonderful and you deserve to hold the world in your hands.

Stay strong, dear.
https://childrensmiraclenetworkhospitals.org/donate/
Mar 2017 · 919
My journal
Liz And Lilacs Mar 2017
I've started keeping my poetry to myself
written in a leather journal
that feels smooth and safe under my fingers
in ink most often black
but sometimes paper cut too deep red
and sometimes the color of tears
which is to say invisible but crinkled
the horizontal guidelines smudging their colors.
And these poems I write privately
are not my best work
but I love them all the more
than anything I've published.
Jan 2017 · 696
I saw her shadow
Liz And Lilacs Jan 2017
I saw her shadow in eyes of golden flame;
Nothing to lose, something to gain.

She exhaled whispered promises, tendrils of sin.
Her cold lips smiled; insidious is her grin

She spun and spun with airy grace
But nothing fled the ivory mask, her face.

The snow fell softly under the pale moon;
I saw her within my mind far too soon.
Jan 2017 · 818
Empathy
Liz And Lilacs Jan 2017
I wish I could tell you
that I understood your pain
but my neurons and nerves and thoughts
do not match your mind
but I think I empathize
or sympathize
I never could tell
and I never could understand
Jan 2017 · 1.0k
Homesick
Liz And Lilacs Jan 2017
I'm a little home sick
and a little homeless
never knowing where
I belong
anymore.

Sadness lingers
missing a home
no longer mine
Take me home
so I can see
a place
where I can be.
Jan 2017 · 933
..........
Liz And Lilacs Jan 2017
Recently,
I've begun to learn
how easy it is to die.

I can't look at the trains,
when I'm stopped at the tracks,
because I know it's what
took my childhood friend's light.
And the whistle keeps haunting me
and I wonder what his last thoughts were

I can't walk down the hallway on the second floor,
because I know that's where they found
my classmate dead in the morning.

And another classmate's death brings
fears of needles and dark circles
and looking dead while you're still breathing
and why didn't anybody notice?
Dec 2016 · 655
Keep it together
Liz And Lilacs Dec 2016
Oh god
Keep it together.
Can't breathe. Need to sit down.
Your friend is dead.
Can't breathe need to sit down can't breathe
Keep it together
He was hit by a train
Can't breathe can't breathe can't breathe can't breathe
Keep it together
need to sit down can'tbreathecan'tbreathecan'tbreathe
*Keep it together
Liz And Lilacs Nov 2016
Tonight,
the moon looks like the cheshire cat's grin
and we wonder what it is like
to be someone else.

Head full of fantasies
of places we'll never see
and dreams of universes
we don't belong to.

The moon grins down,
like it knows something I don't
and I gaze back accusingly.
Oct 2016 · 418
The past remains
Liz And Lilacs Oct 2016
How do you forget your suffering?
How does it become
just a nightmare?

You occasionally wake in sweat,
a loved one cradling your face,
whispers of "It's alright, dear."
Were you crying in your sleep?
A half remembered dream,
you no longer know.
You close your eyes and return to sleep,
loved one's body against yours.

When will your suffering
only haunt you on the coldest of nights,
like a half remembered past life?
Oct 2016 · 519
*****
Liz And Lilacs Oct 2016
You're trying your best.
It's okay,
I promise.

This world has teeth
and it will try to chew you up
but we're not its food.

You're trying your best,
and that is what keeps us
alive to run another day
from the bite of the world.
Oct 2016 · 971
A poem called demons
Liz And Lilacs Oct 2016
Everyone's demons are different.
There can be a thousand poems,
all entitled Demons
and not a single one would be the same.

We all must face our demons
Stand tall, eyes wide.
Take a deep breath.
We'll hold hands
while we face our own demons.
You may be alone in your fight,
but you are not alone for good.
Even I have a poem called demons
Oct 2016 · 438
Choose.
Liz And Lilacs Oct 2016
Life is full of choices.
So how do I know
if I'm making the right one?
Liz And Lilacs Sep 2016
I used to write.
Now, I stare.
I stare at the paper
and the blank white screen.
Red ink unused in my pen,
no longer blue ink stains on my hands.
Ever since we met,
I can no longer feel enough to write.
I used to write.
Sep 2016 · 879
Kindness
Liz And Lilacs Sep 2016
Today I was reminded to be kind to myself.
As I sat at my desk,
staring down my chemistry lab,
remembering my barely passed exam,
I was ******* myself,
the cruelest I could be.
Self doubt.
Maybe I can't do this.
What if I lose my scholarship?
Is this even worth it?
But it is okay to not be perfect.
It is human after all, to make mistakes.
So remember to be kind
to yourself most of all,
for you are cruelest
to your own passions and aspirations.
Don't **** your dreams because you fear failure.
These past few days have been very rough.
Aug 2016 · 1.6k
I am Grief
Liz And Lilacs Aug 2016
I am Grief.
Shadows in your mind,
cobwebs in your throat,
shaking hands reaching for
someone who's no longer there.
An unbearable loss.

I leave you empty of words
and feelings
and life,
yet full of emptiness,
and sadness
and hurt.
Words are gone,
light is too bright,
sound is too loud,
life is too hard.

The lost one's voice,
a ****** of laughter,
perk up in hope.
Remember that they're not there.
Death is permanent
and I am Grief,
your friend.
Jul 2016 · 615
Would it change anything?
Liz And Lilacs Jul 2016
Were I not a woman?
If I fit your beliefs?
If I bent to your will?
If I abandoned my ambitions?
I will never sway in your
hot air breeze
that you create with your
crumbling lungs of dust and age.

Would it change anything if I did?
My grandfather told me it isn't ladylike to have such high ambitions.
Casse-toi.
Jun 2016 · 607
Worry
Liz And Lilacs Jun 2016
It's days like these
where I sometimes wonder
Who loved who first?
and who will stop loving
the other first?
It's always there in the back of my mind.
Jun 2016 · 470
The Fate I Met
Liz And Lilacs Jun 2016
How long shall your life be?*
She took the measuring tape in her hand,
slipping it expertly through her fingers
to the exact inch of her choosing.
I watched as she chose my life.
She chose the length and in simple action,
set my fate in string and stone.
I thought we had free will,
but it does not seem quite so.
Destiny, fate, I know not her name,
but I have no choice
but to defy her.
May 2016 · 1.2k
Porcelain
Liz And Lilacs May 2016
He was afraid that he said the wrong thing,
so I explained to him
that we are not porcelain,
we won't fall apart at the slightest of touches.
And as scared and small and frail as I feel,
I remind myself that I am
flesh and bone and muscle and mind
and a body that fights every day to keep me alive.
We are not porcelain,
so don't be afraid to jostle us, love.
It has been awhile, my friends. I write less poetry when I feel content.
Apr 2016 · 531
Untitled
Liz And Lilacs Apr 2016
I knew I was in love with you
the night I sobbed because
you were so far away
and I couldn't run to your
arms when I was hurting.

And it miserable
Apr 2016 · 761
Prayer
Liz And Lilacs Apr 2016
He asked me to pray to the gods he doesn't believe in.

He wants me to pray to the gods I don't believe in.

He wants to pray but can't find the floor to kneel on soft enough for his bruised knees and trembling hands.

He needs us to pray to the gods we cannot comprehend but reach for with hands cupped in offering of nothing,
Apr 2016 · 734
Stifled
Liz And Lilacs Apr 2016
Shrug your shoulders
and become a shape
that no one else can see.
The self is better heard than seen
but they still tell us to shush.
Close your eyes and shut your mouth
this shall not pass.
Just shush.
Apr 2016 · 2.4k
Beginners
Liz And Lilacs Apr 2016
He laughs at the way
I make lucky paper stars
When I'm anxious
or scared
or sad
or lonely.
He thinks it's cute,
Or so he says.
But when he sees me making them
He comes to sit with me
And I've started to fill
jars of stars
A lot slower
Because I like his smile
when he sits with me.
We're just beginners at trusting.
Mar 2016 · 535
Panic attack
Liz And Lilacs Mar 2016
Can't breathe,
my heart may explode.
shaking....
shaking...
The world closes in.
Everything goes weak...

Breathe,
breathe,
breathe,
Everything will be okay.
Be at peace with yourself.
You will be okay,
you will survive this.
Panic attacks cannot **** you. They will cause no damage to your heart and they will not make you go insane. It may feel like you are dying, but they will end and you will survive, every time.
Mar 2016 · 2.3k
A rape joke
Liz And Lilacs Mar 2016
Today a man told a **** joke.
Everyone laughed.
I stood there and thought about it for a moment
And then I asked,
"What is funny about that?"
The laughter stopped
and they stood there in silence.
The momentary silence of shattered illusions,
There was no answer
Because it wasn't funny
So why laugh?
Mar 2016 · 437
Disaster Area
Liz And Lilacs Mar 2016
You taste like
tornado broken shards of glass,
which is to say, blood.
For that is all I taste
when consuming the crackling
pieces of lost hopes and homes.
I wrote this with a fever as apparently I have nothing better to do when delirious from some illness.
Mar 2016 · 548
Does not compute
Liz And Lilacs Mar 2016
Your human emotions.
Ones and zeros,
they do not encompass
each nuance of you ephemeral experience.
You write of love,
of lust,
of happiness.
I cannot understand or
change these words to nothing more
than binary code.
I want to feel your emotions,
even the negative ones.
Fear,
despair,
hope,
love.
It does not compute
with my circuits.
this one is clumsy
Mar 2016 · 458
Greyscale
Liz And Lilacs Mar 2016
You walk with such purpose
in a world where
I can see no purpose.
I wanted to talk you,
to ask how you manage
to appear like you've found meaning
in this monochromatic world.
but i am all shades of the same color
and how could reach beyond my place
to approach someone of so many hues.
"All the world's a prison."
Mar 2016 · 516
We
Liz And Lilacs Mar 2016
We
We are built of sharp furniture edges,
and grains of glass among scalding sand.
Every pop of my joints
is like the glass you threw
that shattered against the wall.
We might be hard edges and cold hearts,
but everything hurts.
Feb 2016 · 2.0k
Sexting
Liz And Lilacs Feb 2016
What if I were there?
       I'd sit in the dark and hope you left. I won't tell you that you make
        me nervous.

And then what? ;)
      Please don't think I care about you.
Send me a pic.
      I know you don't care about me either.
Oh yeah baby
       Is this what we have come to call intimacy?
U know what I'd do 2 u?
      Emotionless exchanges, just for a moment of pleasure and a lifetime
        of shame.

What r u wearing?
      *I don't want this. I wanted love. This isn't love.
Feb 2016 · 691
The man with ember eyes
Liz And Lilacs Feb 2016
The man with ember eyes
sets my mind alight
with his touches,
skin tingling with the memory
of his soft hands, touching each pore.
He stepped inside my walls
and melted the ice of my heart
with the burning ember of his eyes.
And as I lay on the soft blue sheets,
he walked out the door
and never came back.
My friends agony and shame
once again wrapped their hands in mine.
Feb 2016 · 424
Cold
Liz And Lilacs Feb 2016
My dad used to tell me
"You can't be a robot  and
hide your feelings forever."
But it didn't stop me from trying.
Someone else told me
"You're gonna catch a cold
from the ice in your soul."
Looks like I succeeded at
hiding my feelings.
Feb 2016 · 846
Forgotten Memories
Liz And Lilacs Feb 2016
Today,
I found half of a best friend's necklace.
It's a simple chain, a charm that has "Best"
engraved in a piece of green plastic,
a pickle with ogling eyes.
It must have been an inside joke,
a friend I promised never to forget.
I can't remember who.
Just a forgotten memory,
a long lost friend
who I may never
see again.
Feb 2016 · 424
Paradoxal
Liz And Lilacs Feb 2016
Just as there is no lie
without a kernel of truth,
There is no truth
untainted by human tongues.
Jan 2016 · 878
You have a new voicemail.
Liz And Lilacs Jan 2016
Hi
Your voice... It's so nice to hear again.
It almost hurts....
but I've been so numb since you've been gone.

You've reached me
Have I?
I hope you're in heaven.
I never believed in god or an afterlife,
You know that.
but I hope there is now.

I'm out of reach right now
Because you won't be out reach forever,
If you're in heaven.
But heaven knows, I won't see you again.
You're so far gone.

But leave a message
And the closest I can get
is sitting at your tombstone.
Stone is cold and it doesn't warm my heart
like you once did.

and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.
I miss you so much,
And I will see you soon.

Your call is important to me.

*beep
Jan 2016 · 471
Kiss
Liz And Lilacs Jan 2016
Your lips taste like lies and liquor.
Someone once told me
The more people you love,
the weaker you are.
and I never understood that
until the taste of blood in my mouth
felt almost nostalgic,
like your version of a lover's kiss.
Jan 2016 · 465
I felt sick
Liz And Lilacs Jan 2016
I felt sick
when you looked at me,
like an icy hand
wrapped itself around my spine
and would not let go.
That's how I knew
I was in love
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