That little strip of tissue
Connecting my tongue
To the bottom of my mouth
Is all torn up.

Every time I feel it,
The pain tastes like pleasure
And my mouth waters
In anticipation for more.

A grip, a squeeze,
A pressing matter.
Skinned knees,
haughty laughter,
Begging "please,"
A lustful spatter.
My name,
Your name,
Before and after.
Out of breath,
An artful disaster,
Making a mess
Is what really matters.
Horizontal,
Floating,
Up in the rafters.

Coming down.

Holding on.

Letting go.

Sometimes I take a step back,
Internally,
And watch my thoughts go racing by.

I like observing them
From the outside,
It helps to put life
Into perspective.

But,
Sometimes...

Sometimes I don't step back.
Sometimes I strap up,
And I lean in,
And I let the thoughts
Take me for a ride.

Because there's something
Living there, in that mania.
Something creative,
Something destructive,
Something...
...Human.

It's hard to know
When to quit.
What to quit.

A friend once told me:
"One vice at a time."

But maybe I put
To much meaning
Into his words.

Because he blew his head off
With his service pistol,
And I'm still here. So...
That's gotta mean something,
Right?

Quitting.
Maybe what I need to quit
Is this mindset of extremes.
There may be more value
In finding the balance between
Keeping on keeping on,
And knowing when
enough is enough.

Balance.
Quitting.
Keeping on.

Not everything has to be
An on-off switch, Justin.
Treat yourself
Like a dimmer,
And find that perfect
Balance of light within.

I don't mind
Working in the rain.

It makes coming home
More of a special occasion.

Sometimes I smile
Through a wet beard,
And think about how
Good my bed will feel.

I'm gonna live forever.

So far, so good.

Nothing,
I mean nothing,
Wakes you up in the morning
Like some dude locking up his brakes
Two cars ahead of you on the interstate.

I don't care how tired you are,
How hungover you are,
How little you slept...
When you're going 80 miles an hour
And someone locks it up like that in front of you,
You immediately turn into Dale Earnhardt.
You're wide awake, checking your mirrors,
Heart pounding out of your chest.
You haven't checked your mirrors in like, 10 miles.
You're locking eyes
With the dude in the car next to you,
Hand in the air
With an expression of
"Did you just see that ******* ****?!"
On your face.

Then when you finally make it
To wherever you're going,
You can handle anything!
Ain't **** bothering you after a wake-up call
Like that. It's honestly liberating.
Food tastes a little better,
Being grateful is a little easier,
And life seems just a little bit brighter.

Coffee, take a seat.
With people driving that way,
I don't need no coffee.
And the next time you're feeling
A little too tired on your morning commute,
Don't forget,
I'll be matting the brakes
At mile marker 137
To wake your *** up, too.

I like raisins.

Come at me bro.

I can't remember
All the good things
That have happened
And
I can't forget
the things that
I wish never did happen.

But I get to decide
What to think about,
My thoughts don't tell me
What to feel.

Choose positivity, and
Watch the world change
Around you.

Work ran late.

He's been waiting all day
To take me out for steaks.
I fumble my keyring
And pick it up again,
I always get his house key
Mixed up with mine.

Asleep on the couch,
A Hallmark movie
Playing unwatched on the TV.
He must've seen this one already.

"Hey."
I touch his shoulder
And smile at him when he looks up at me.
He smiles back.

I wonder if he still believes
In anything.

"You ready to rock & roll down to the Banquet?"
"Yeah man, I'm starving."

Ain't much for sermons,
And I don't need a church
To see that it's more than
Just a nap
in the dirt.

Ain't had much thought
On what it means to die,
Too busy living life
One day
At a time.

But I swear I still see
Glints of God shining
In the slats of evening sunlight
Cast through the venetian blinds.
I see God in my brother's
Smiling green eyes,
In my aunt's jubilant laughter,
In my grandfather's volunteering
Of all of his time.
I see God in my Dan,
An admirable man,
I see God in the way
Others see just family.

I pray to my mother
To be the kind of person
That my family may look at
And see a glimpse of God in me.

Hey hey a deluge,
Wash it all away,
Then when the snow comes
I'll roll it all up.

I'll roll it all up,
The snow, the lights,
The plants, the dirt.

I'll roll up the night,
I'll roll up the day,
I'll roll right down the streets
The plows will all be unneeded,
Because I'll roll up all the snow
And clear myself a path
From here to Zion Grove.

Where I'll make a giant snowman
And give it a crooked smile,
That the people will all see
For miles and miles.

When I'm all done
The roads will be clear,
And I'll finally be able
To reach you my dear.

Seems I don't have much to say

Make me feel
Like a man,

And

I'll make you feel
Like a woman.

I got something
She wants.

She got herself,
And a new mouth to feed.

Worry away,
thinking all day.

Circles come,

Circles come.

Sometimes circles stay.

I hate writing.

But I love the idea,
And more importantly,
The image
Of being a writer.

What's cooler
Than a glass
Of brandy,
Beside an ashtray.

With a full pack
Of marlboro lights,
And a mechanical keyboard
Clacking away the night.

I want to be a writer
For all the wrong reasons.
I want to convince you,
Dear reader,
That I'm a phony.

Maybe you already knew.
Maybe it doesn't matter why
I want to be a writer.
Maybe all that matters
Is writing about it.

A slight taste of copper,
A whisper of a doubt.
Neighbors are screaming,
A dog is barking,
It's 7:00 pm.

My left ear gets hot,
Maybe that means
Someone is talking about me.
I ponder who it could be,
I wonder who I want it to be,
As I imagine sticking my head
Out the window of a moving car.

Streetlights whipping past me,
Streaks of orange arc-sodium
Burning into my retinas.
Someone takes a picture,
Flashless,
And the memory is gone.

Back home, neighbor is
Pounding on the wall.
The fishtank is low,
It gurgles at me in contempt.
The dog is still barking,
It's 7:01.

My ear is still hot.

The leaves that blowing in the wind
All whisper out a name
And as I peek up at the sky
I see clouds spelling out the same
**** thing I been thinking bout all night
Tryna keep it outta mind
Tryna keep it outta sight
Cause I'm drowning in my head
Can't keep afloat atop this dread
From thinking bout the past
Back when I used to fantasize
About commiting suicide
To help me fall sleep at night
Because it didn't feel like death
It felt like an escape
From the various mistakes
And potential bad decisions I've yet made
But since I seen it first hand
My uncle swinging in the wind
I realized it's just cheap
So I value the position that I'm in
And I've come to respect it
And come to respect my kin
And wouldn't want the weight
Of that decision to be on them

But sometimes late at night
When I'm tryna fall asleep
And I listen to my mind
It says that she should be alive
And that it should be me
That's buried underneath

Gone and done
Sit quietly with it
Feel what there is
To be felt

Apologists say sorry
To empty rooms
In a haunted house
And sigh right back at the wind

Tomorrow, yesterday
Time is a rippling plane
And every imperfection
Casts a perfect shadow
Across the thin veil
Of reality

Nothing matters
But not like that,
Like nothing is something
And that something
Means everything
To nobody

There's a faint
Scent
Of candle smoke,
Welcoming
My nose.

The afterglow image of
open flames
Is burned into my retinas.

I can hear the song
Echoing,
Throughout the twenty nine
Years.

I can taste light
Whipped cream,
And a hint of vanilla
Mixed with coffee.

I can feel love
Permeate
Through the aether,
And meet my gaze
As I look
Upon the stars.

Slipping into
Something more comfortable;
This sordid state of mind,
Feels almost
Familiar.

I've been here before,
Angry and petty,
Wading through red water,
Knee deep in my contempt.

Sometimes the little things
Can have the biggest impact.

Meanwhile the grand scheme
Goes on, obscured by routine.

Blind to the signs,
Willfully or maybe
Just through a
Simple lack
Of self
Examination.

Is there a benefit
To being ignorant,
To feign stupidity?

Laziness,
Motivation and the lack thereof.

I am saturated with sudden
Icy clarity,
As the autumn sun
Tickles my memory
And paints my heart
With nostalgia.

To live in ignorance,
To merely waft through existence...

Or to change?

Time is short.
I know I've been here
A thousand times before.

Yo ****.
Disere trans ain't long for living.
She gotta bouta hunnert miles left inner,
If dat.
Limp er on down Alan's,
Dem dere'll see what's dere to see.
Maybe she got but grit inner gears,
Maybe first just gone and done quit.

Ma'am now don't you see?
This conversation,
As fulfilling as it may be,
Try to keep it short and sweet,
Because I got business at the bottom.

Close your eyes, come with me.
Flying south on vacation,
Landing strip lined up beneath,
My tongue, my mouth, my teeth,
I got business at the bottom.

Yellow
Tastes
Fields
Of gray
Shallow
Puddles
Rainbow stain
Burning
Scent
Stinging
Smoke
A cloud
A sign
A single spoke
Spinning
Wheels
Cogs
Enmeshed
Work together
Drive the rest

I don't write for me

I write for you to see

Because it's how I please

Myself.

Up on the bed
On your stomach
With your ankles in your hands

Tongue out
Choking
Looking up

Pulling out
A gasping breath
Glistening face, getting wet

Spit on it
Slap it on your cheek
Hair stuck to your lips

A tear mixed
With the sheen of spit
Dribbling down your chin

I'll take a photo
And savor it
As you look into the lens

Knotted up in your hair
Control the rhythm
A lack of air

Gagging, deeper
Faster now
Trying not to black out

You cough and try
To pull away
A slap, a spit, you're here to stay

At least until it's
Said and done,
Finish line here I come

I fret and twist my hair into little knots
I twist and I twist until it all falls off
I like to hit my teeth with a hammer
I pick my skin until it bleeds
I pick the scabs I pick the moles
I peel off my skin in layers
And leave them on the desk to dry
I scratch my scalp and shed my dandruff
Onto the kitchen counter
And line it up with a dunkin donuts gift card
And snort up the lines of dead skin
I pick my nose and eat my boogers
The wet and bloodier the better tasting
They stick to the roof of my mouth
And I hawk a loogie on the ground
I *** right onto the ******* carpet
And never ever clean it up
The crusty hard spot that forms
Is dark and yellow with time and accumulation
I clean my ears with my pinky
Then lick it out from under my nails
I slam my head against the wall
Until all the photos fall
I play with knives and fire and drugs
I love to give myself a hug.
The look on my face inside the mirror
Is pure bliss from popping all my zits
My eyes shining the same color
As the flecks of **** inside the toilet
I never ever clean the shower
I **** in the sink sometimes too
I hung all my posters with glue
I stack my laundry in a tower
And wear my clothes until they reek
Drank every night for 20 weeks
I hide my toenails under the carpet
I dry myself off with the drapes
I like to live all alone
I'm finally free inside my home
I saved those photos on the shelf
Someone save me from myself

Poetry Poetry poetry Poetry Poetry Poetry poetry Poetry poetry Poetry Poetry poetry Poetry Poetry Poetry Poetry poetry Poetry Poetry Poetry poetry Poetry poetry Poetry Poetry poetry Poetry Poetry Poetry Poetry poetry Poetry Poetry Poetry poetry Poetry poetry Poetry Poetry poetry Poetry Poetry Poetry Poetry poetry Poetry Poetry Poetry poetry Poetry poetry Poetry Poetry poetry Poetry Poetry

Like a fire come
During drought season,
Ain't nothing coulda been done.
Red, White,
Blue lights
Pour like liquid
Into my irises.
Deaf to the sirens,
Congested to the smoke,
Numb to the pain.
Another one down the drain.

I slip into my coat
Of coarse surface rust,
I'm pitted.
I stand with a squeak and a rattle,
And with a sigh I stride
Toward the sodden gray sky
Peeking at me through the slats
In the yellow venetian blinds.
With a wavering hand
I tug on the strings
And turn round in wonder
At my various things.
A kettle, a pan, a jar of bacon grease,
Dry pens, a magnet, some broken porcelain,
A stain on the carpet, a stain in my skin,
Where did this **** all come from?
When did it all begin?
Did I have an intention,
Did I have even an ounce
Of certainty?

Man my back hurts
From carrying all of this
Right between my shoulder blades
I wish it would crack
And give me some relief
Because I've got years ahead of me
And I'll still be carrying all this
I can't let it go
Not now, not tomorrow,
Not twelve years ago

A tangled nest of lights
Like an **** of fireflies
A bizarre meeting between death and life
Like ******* in a cemetery at night

Veiled silhouettes
Of horsemen galloping all out,
Cast in black against the twilight sky.
The beating sound of crashing hooves,
Like a heartbeat, like the ticking clock of doom,
Pound louder and mercilessly into reality.
Torches ablaze with hate come careening through,
Shattering the uneven glass windows,
Buildings go up in a funeral pyre.
Coughing, screams of dispair, a cacophony
Of misery, an apocalyptic wind chime blowing
In the smoke laden wind.
Blood flows and the red,
The red screams my name
As it runs through the hardpan,
Spelling out my destiny
In little crimson rivulets.

I can taste it now,
A desert in my mouth,
As I walk west
In solitude.

I can put my boots on blind
Not adverse to working overtime
I'm up before the sun
Don't need to carry a gun
But baby at the end of the day
When I'm tired and sore
I get excited to keep on this way
Even as I start to snore
Cause money don't stretch a long way
When I want to buy so much more

A squeeze
A smile
A tingling breeze

Sit right here
Next to me
And let's just watch
Some TV

A far reach
Top of the cabinet
Climbing on the countertop

A solemn
Solitary box of tea
Peeks out at me

Violent water
Effervescent and sweet
Hot beyond belief

A scalded palette
A grimacing smile
Through sensitive teeth

Breathe in deep
Hesitate before
Blowing off the steam

A laugh
A sip
A day slipped past me

She hides her little sighs
Behind bouts of subtle laughter,
Her eyes whisper lies
Of inevitable disaster.

I mostly smile as i drive,
With thoses eyes in my mind
And wonder why fate
Has been so uncannily kind.

Fate? Or maybe a wheel
That was designed
To whip around and around,
Like a great cog of time.

I slip past a fellow
With my eyes on the lines,
Blasting across double yellow
To leave my problems behind.

The clocks are all laughing
At my desire to rewind
Because whats done is done
And she's so naturally kind.

Momma said, momma said,
It might be time to try, but
Now momma's long dead
So maybe just one more night.

Indulgence.

A snag
A home for a rat
Or a squirrel
A nest of wasps
A termite colony
Snakeskin litters the ground
Mushrooms bloom
The soil itself swells
In gratitude

Life begets life
Death is inviting
And leaves more room
For the living
Life begets life
Rot is food
Hollow with skittering,
Echoes of chewing
Death begets life
Circles and circles
And circles again

You do not base your own self values
Off of what other people value you for.
Or maybe you do.
I don't know.

Tic tic tick tick
Tac toe toc tock
Silly ***** nilly frills
Yesterday is another mistake
I'm ****** to repeat
Forever
And ******* ever
Unless something gives
Give gives given
Give me
Give that to me
And tell me it's mine
Mines miner minor mine
You're all ******* mine
For for forever for
Mine forever never whether
You want to be to be between
Between you and me
I'm ******.