Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
lionheartlion Nov 2016
It was a neutral, fair weathered, mid October Friday night in downtown Raleigh, the sky painted with stars, but barely visible as lights are strewn out everywhere, glittering as they are draped across buildings to create a corner hidden from the rest of the world. There are also lights from the many expensive cars lining the already tight streets; Chrysler, Infinity, Volvo, BMW, but also there’s an array of Hondas and the Chevy I am currently riding in to get there myself.  The lights continue to follow my evening as the holidays are approaching, accompanied by Christmas lights hanging from local breweries. The skyline is made up of buildings mimicking an array of Christmas trees on a Christmas tree farm in December; one my favorite times of year.

The spirit of the air is carefree as people gather to unwind from the week before and have a good time with whomever they are with or alone. The variety of people is similar to that of Candy in a candy store; all there for the same purpose, but different in minor ways. Groups of friends occupying the sidewalks outside of restaurants, breweries, dessert bars, coffee bars, boutiques, and galleries. Hipsters walking proudly and dancing in the streets owning who they are in their hometown or possibly visiting to experience the uniqueness the beautiful city has to offer. Most people dressed their best to welcome the night before them and enjoy the company of their friends, walking around to whatever comes their way.

The atmosphere is quiet, peaceful, and chill but the night is nothing short of alive just like the people I experience. Young couples and individuals line the streets exuberating their young lively spirits into the air as they exhale smoke from their cigarettes. The streets are also lined with a couple individuals that seem a little sketchy, but that’s just because they keep to themselves and walk alone, not effecting the safe atmosphere Raleigh exuberates. Everyone seems to be focused on only who they came with, concentrating on what they will do that evening. My plans included dinner at The Pit, one of the greatest BBQ places I have ever been in my life.

The first place I went to this evening was a Chocolate Shop called Videri Chocolate Factory with the most intriguing vibe I have possibly received upon coming into a store. There are lights strung from the ceiling and a glass case containing expensive, gourmet chocolates made in house. As I continue to walk around the store there is a whimsical feeling I get when I notice the coffee bar and more Christmas lights hanging around and intricate glass cups behind the counter. Continuing down the corridor there is a large glass window displaying where the chocolate is made, making the experience even more real. As I continue to look around the store I notice most of the people are middle aged to older; the people with money. The chocolate in the store is not cheap, but I think most of the people who come to downtown Raleigh are also paying for the experience.

Upon leaving the shop I notice the outside of the store and this is one prime example I think of when I think that people physically impact the place in which they live. The picture shown above of the chocolate shop mimics so much of the personality of Raleigh that I have noticed. The store is made of bricks on the outside that you can tell have been there for a really long time, but displays a modern, exciting font and the final touch of bright white lights adds a perfect finish to the display of the store. The people of Raleigh (or the ones I have noticed the three years out of living here myself) tend to migrate towards vintage, old things and appreciate the beauty of unique sights that make you feel special and unique yourself upon going there.

Another key factor in the imagery of this shop that reminds me of the people of Raleigh is the artsy aesthetic that the door holds with the lights. There are so many art students who consistently go to downtown Raleigh and they are a part of what makes the atmosphere so bright and exciting. While the people who visit downtown Raleigh are looking for those vintage vibes and artsy aesthetics they are also incredibly modern much like the font the door holds. They are caught up on what is currently in style and trend setters themselves, but interpret it in a way that fits them personally. This to me is the only thing that people of downtown Raleigh have in common; they are old fashioned, vintage, modern, and unique all at the same time, perfectly mirroring the city in which they live.
An excerpt from a paper I'm working on
lionheartlion Nov 2016
I wonder what guys would do if we acted the way they did half the time.
Had pictures of naked men on our phones.
Watched **** a couple times a week and they never even suspect it.
Disrespect them behind their backs by saying things about other men.
Basically cheated on them in every way possible that doesn't involve touching another woman.
I wonder what they would do.
I wonder if they would handle it better than us.
Or I wonder if they would finally get just disgusting they all are.
lionheartlion Nov 2016
What does it mean when you're surrounded by the people who supposedly love you the most but you still aren't happy.
When they're are so many things happening amongst you, but still you're mind wanders to him for some unknown reason.
When you can sense that you need to talk to them and they need you because something tragic has happened.
What is that moment?
Where you can feel their pain from afar without even knowing anything for sure.
It's a feeling.
It's a connection that still feels so true and right that you cannot let their beautiful soul go.
That moment where you hurt for someone, feeling their own pain.
What is that?
You're not together but you still love, you still ache for them.
That has to be love or maybe it's just a gift that we were given to love the people around us to it's infinite.
I missed a friend last night and reached out to him because I simply just wanted to talk to him. Strangely enough he told me he lost his grandma just a few hours earlier. I hardly saw this as a coincidence and was happy I could be there for a friend in a time of need.
lionheartlion Oct 2016
There comes a point where you've been hurt so much that you become numb to everything around you.
You become numb to hurting people the way you've been hurt so many times the same way by others.
I now see the heartbreakers are a byproduct of the heartbroken.
The heartbroken become so strong from the amounts of times their heart has been ripped in half it doesn't even feel anything anymore.
And with that comes breaking the hearts of the ones who least deserve it.
The people who hurt you continue to bear their scar on your heart and that's all that haunts my tired beat.
I still miss both of them so much.
The ones who truly made me happy for a short time, a time I wish could have been so much longer.
What a vicious never ending cycle this world has gotten themselves into.
That the girl who once cared the most about people has now become like the ones who hurt her, cruel and selfish to the good ones.
lionheartlion Oct 2016
Im tired of hurting.
There's so much pain I don't know how to deal with.
Pain that has been there for so long that I've only added to it.
I want release.
Release from any of this pain at all if not it all.
I've given too much power to them and I do not know how to get out of this labyrinth.
I've tried crying out to him but I only feel more and more lonely lately.
I know he is there but why does he feel so far off.
The pain is outweighing the hope that I used to have so much of.
This is not a cry for attention nor a plea just me raging at the world.
I need relief and joy.
Maybe that is why I give so much to these strangers that come into my innocence and then become devastated yet again as they leave me.
I don't know why it surprises me anymore.
It's my own fault.
But the cigarettes don't help anymore and neither does the alcohol so I just feel trapped.
So far down in this pit of self pity.

She is forced to remember all the good things she once knew to be so true about herself.
Painfully beautiful on the inside and out.
The kindest soul you will ever encounter.
The most talented artistic intellect lies within her hands and heart.
She loves the things around her more than someone might love their spouse.
She will go so far, even though she doubts herself.
She is undoubtedly loved by the only one who matters.
She is royalty, a Daughter of the King.
Only the most special people she has encountered really know her and who she is, however they are the ones who run the most.
They marvel at her poise, the way she carries herself and how incredibly gorgeous she is.
She should learn from this.

Find joy again my darling, she needs you to find her.
She needs to be lifted up, she needs to be her again.
lionheartlion Sep 2016
I hurt. I just really hurt. He hurt me. They hurt me. Them hurt me. They all hurt me.
Of course this is right after they tell me how amazing I am, how different and beautiful I am.
So then what the hell happens in their intellect next when they decide they have me and then cut me loose.
When I finally decide to trust again thats when they get you the most.
When they dangle you in front of their compliments and then just let go as quickly as they first had you.
When does this cycle actually end.
Is it even worth the physical emotional love and knowing someone.
The pain is almost too much to bear yet we keep doing it again and again and again.
People like me never win.
The ones who would do anything for a perfect stranger they just met.
We're truly the best people in the world, the most beautiful creatures, but this world is so so so cruel.
The ones who love God, the ones who fall away to earthly things so easily.
Struggling and trying so hard not to drown from trying to be both.
Knowing what the answer is but still fighting the tired urges of the body to just feel better somehow.
What is there for us to do, what can we do.
To escape the hurt for just one second.
Chain smoking cigarettes to get any high at all, to escape the inevitable labyrinth at all.
Wine bottle after wine bottle, only to realize that God is the only answer the next morning.
  Sep 2016 lionheartlion
Sk Abdul Aziz
The heart is a weird thing..it is the one which keeps us alive and it is also the one which hurts and kills every now and then...it's incredible as to the variety of emotions it can possess...from love to hatred to jealousy to compassion to pride to humility to courage to fear to joy to grief and what not.I wish it were possible to stay alive and at the same time dissect one's own heart and see what it contains..what it goes through..what it feels..how it sees things.I wish i could experience what it felt like being a heart..being broken..being loved..being shattered..being ressurected and so on.
Next page