I don't know how I feel about anyone anymore.
About him, him, him.
Theres three of them and all symbolize the different cruelties of this world.
The first was nothing but a sad, heartbreaking disappointment. He is the most recent of them all.
The one who told me for the most absurd time that I was amazing but not good enough for it to work. That he did not love me enough to know my amazingness.
Well for you I am sorry you will never find someone better, sorry that you will regret not holding my hand through my undeniable success.
You broke my heart and you knew it all along.
The second of the them is in love with her, yet will never tell of this secret.
She loves him too but not in the way he wishes which is just another cruelty of this world.
Everyone jumping after something they will only fall from when uncaught.
She loves him, he does not love her, who is loved by someone else.
The third is the most complicated of them all.
The one that got away.
The one who still has never left the back of her mind and she has never vanished the back of his intellect either.
These two had all the chances in the world with time and space as their only enemy.
The ones who still have a chance when time moves on from them.
Their love story was unlike any other.
There was passion, true passion and love.
We all ache to find this love and are lucky to experience it even once.
We can lie and say we are in love with another like the one who got away but the truth is this love has not been felt as strongly since the final breath.
These are the cruelties of the world.
The girl who loves too much because she's been broken too many times and is always disappointed in the end.
The guy who loves that girl undeniably, but will never have the chance he wishes with her.
And lastly the love that may live on one day, but could just as well be the only real love affair that two people could experience.

Love is weird.
It saves you and it breaks you.
It creates the most beautiful moments in life and it also creates the moments where you discover yourself in the pain.
Alaska wondered when we would ever get out of this labyrinth, and I think the answer is never.
The things who make us who we are, the people who have caused us pain from the beginning of our existence, they effect the whole of it.
These things make you over invest and care too much, just because you yourself never want to cause someone the pain that the person did to you with the first straw.
Again, these moments are beautiful.
They are painful, but would we rather be in pain than stuck in nothingness?
Beautiful people cause these moments, and it's the beautiful people who hurt the most.
The ones with the beautiful souls and the already broken hearts.
They ache to find it, they ache to mend it for a second.
They ache to never cause anyone pain as they have been caused.
And in the end, even the ones who hurt these people, they struggle to move on from them, because after all they were both beautiful people.

I fear I am losing myself again.
Not that I was found before, but I ache to be that person I once was.
The one who acquired kinship and required nothing more, nothing less.
The one who learned what it was to say no and be truly healthy; mind, body, soul.
Happy in her chaotic, inventive intellect.
She settled for nothing less than her prayer of him, however she fears he will be like the rest.
She has settled her weary mind and expects forever this time.

She worries of nothing these months, but is dismal for the day she loses her adolescence.
People think her insane when she talks of her dreamery and passions.
She aches to never grow up, for that is where creative aesthetic is lost.
"Stay with me forever Alice and Peter", she says.
Tell me the stories behind your pages and never cease to keep alive in this wit.
Remain as deranged as the lions mane atop her cleverness.
The one her maternal never loved.
Remain fierce as Aslan and gentle as a peony.
Most of all never lose confidence of your creative destiny.

What is this feeling of desperating despair my heart is pounding at me.
I feel joy and light but there's something of darkness I'm being dragged toward.
How can I feel so so passionate but still have this panging feeling of panic pawing at me violently.
Is it because I so desperately want him to know that I believe the sun shines towards him in my existence.
That I am undeniably in love with his sweet demeanor and carefulness.
Is it because my soulmate has finally found his way towards my raging heart.
It's been so long since these words poured out of my intellect and someone has been worthy enough to be some of a muse.
The smell of mint dancing on his breath to put out the smoke of his heart is the most intoxicating sense he has upon me.
Our intellects are one in the same and the goodness of light is seeping through the common words on those pages.
I love him.
I do.
I want to know him and his spirit for as long as this life allows me.

I always feel a prying demand to write when you come back around.
Darling, our story lives on as I knew it would.
It may not end well, like most love stories, but I do know I have patiently awaited this day for many a months.
You told me at the departing of 6B that you would in fact see your tum again.
You told me not to let anyone tell I'm not worth it, even when you said I wasn't.
You were unable to move on as easily as you thought.
I think leaving an impact that strongly on someones life is so flattuous.
That moment when Edward told us how hard life was, was such a beautiful moment.
Crying over you was the most satisfying love that I Have yet known.
You're coming back for me and that is something my dreamery has not let me cease to acknowledge night upon night.
Now they have ceased as you return.
I dream of myself once more and not of your face.
I have peace again.
Another goodbye is inevitable but will be nothing compared to the last.
We will lay again for hours making love, laughing, and fantasizing intimately on our dreams.
My best friend will be there once more for me to pour every intricate thought onto.
He always listened to what was spoken from these broken lips.
Although this will be my destruction, God it is so worth knowing you.
The moment you cannot explain why you love someone is more powerful than making up reaosns to satisfy yourself with unhappiness.