Trying to pretend Shes okay is becoming more suffocating than She can handle.
She aches as she enfolds herself in the mask of joy that she feels nothing of on the inside.
Trying to show him that she can be happy without him, without the closeness they once shared.
That she's strong and independent.
But she isn't.
She isn't okay.
She burns from her surroundings.
Only catching fire from them every day.
Soon to be no more than ash.
The only thing that keeps her sane at this hour is the unsoberness she's put upon herself since the night he left.
Sober thoughts, but a sleepless soul without.
She knows it's unhealthy but it's all she can do to keep sane.
From her best friend being gone.
And her mother becoming her biggest fear.
So she lets the alcohol **** the pain.
She doesn't know much more of the criticism she can watch unfold.
"Where's your makeup" she says.
"Is that the best you can do? the best you can present yourself"
"What are you wearing?"
Loving.
Motherly.
Yelling.
Anger.
Snapping.
Craziness.
Happy.
She's terrified that she will see the same person staring back at her one day in the mirror.
She's trying.
She's lonely.
She's lost.
She feels the distance and it's terrifying.
When the moon reaches high, she cries herself to sleep night after night.
She just wants to be stronger.
But she feels so overwhelmingly weak.
And she can't show that to him.