I still smell of your smoke.
Wisps of carbon monoxide ribbons
through my hair and allows me one more
glimpse of me, sitting over there.

I still smell of your smoke.
Your laugh sending dragon puffs
whistling on the wind, the warmth of
it, of you, of here, beckoning me closer in.

I still smell of your smoke.
Roll up placed between fingers, resting
by my side. Your light hearted words a
whisper, of the defence you hide behind.

I still smell of your smoke.
Tar resting on my clothes, a
memento of the addiction I
once did swear to loath.

I still smell of your smoke.
simple, but it's true.
Every time I breathe it in I
can't help but think of you.

Smells good.

Everything lingers on
but I don't think you do, so much
anymore.
Perhaps because, all
that I saw of you
wasn't really you
at all.
Don't worry I'm not about to bawl
at the idea of this trick,
for you might be slick but
it was I who chose to stick
this
illusion
this
idea
to your frame.
How could you be to blame?

And so you linger,
but not actively,
not aggressively,
nor painfully anymore.
And she who saw what
she thought she saw which
cannot be seen anymore,
has emitted the last snore,
of this dream of the scene with
you in.

It's time for a new reality to begin.

I aim to never regret,
to never stare back and lose
myself
completely in the moments
which have passed...
For how long would I last
if my energy was sapped
and I no longer could map
my way back to here.
Better to steer clear of nostalgia.

But, I sometimes feel I have to,
to stay true to who I am
I must acknowledge that which made
me this.
That which all I can do now is miss;
Their Smile
Their Hug
Their Kiss
In truth, there is no greater pain than this.
Be it lover,
mother,
father
or other.
Their memory and scar of happier times
will always cause the chime
of destruction.

A fairly simple yet awful deduction.

The girl sits
In the straight backed chair
A baby in her arms
An unneeded anchor
In a too calm sea

She sits not for herself
Not for the baby
She sits for her craving
Her craving to serve
Her face a blank mask
She is desperate with longing
Her longing to serve

But Yet she is happy
She is content
She would wait for a century
For one petty morsel
One morsel to serve

She watchs her husband
Her brother, her cousin
Their mouths moving proudly
Yet their meanings blurred

She watches them laughing
See's baby crying
Yet why should she care
The baby's not her's

She see's so much love
So much laughter in movement
She see's so much flourishing
And it's all hers

The punishment blurring
The passion so strong
Yet she is so happy
For she has her longing
And her longing is hers

emptiness, so much despair
hollowed out without a care
in the world
left staring out of sockets
in your own personal hole in the ground
the only sound, the last breath of air
goodbye to this whole sorry affair

So you think it's time to give up do you?
You've had enough,
you can't take any more...
you've fought and now it's time to die,
a single sigh of acceptance billows out,
you've got no energy left to shout.
Wasted and forgotten,
it's time to leave this shell to rot on
without you.

So that is what you have decided.

After all of that,
all the crap and defiance,
you've chosen to become the burden
you despise.
That need you've tried to hide from those
who would suppress the
depressed you.
The inflatable puppet with a puncture
wound has fallen,
into a crumpled heap.

it's time to sleep*

Well if that's your goal then
I won't keep you waiting long.
Obviously my will to live and
fight is wrong.

So you,
now,
break off from me
and go to hell

You're right, you're done.
But don't you dare think that you have won
the right rule over me, to make
the whole of me,
as one.
You have no where near out done
or out run, you see, if
anything you have merely
stunned
me,
enraged
and motivated
me
to become more.
Even more than the one
you had thought to defeat before.

I don't need you.

I don't need that lingering voice of doubt,
if anything you suppress my shout of
defiance
which rings true and bold.
The full story which is yet untold.
My life rolls out before me.

You thought you saw me crumble and fall.
Turns out, as yet, you ain't seen nothing at all.

Tonight I'm feeling unattached
Unmatched
Unabashed
Mashed
Blended
'Spended'
Pended
Re­ndered
Rent
Lent
Out to the highest bidder
As they snigger
At their puppet.
I don't know how to stop it.
as I sit laughing into the precipice
A kiss of death
Away from oblivion
Get a ****** move on.

Perhaps I'll soon be gone

Perhaps I've been too long

Perhaps

I am surrounded
by people
Trapped
by people
Sapped
By people
of strength
They have
taken.
The people
are everywhere,
Screaming
Laughing
Crying
Dying
and sighing with fatigue
I watch

Fearful of people

There is nowhere to hide.
I shall have to bide my time
and one by one they'll leave

me