So deep in your arms that I drown,
unable and unwilling to break for air,
completely bare
to you.

Hold me,
so tight I do not feel or see
the silent, dry eyed sobs which rack my body
Love me.
I don't even care if you don't.

Hold me,
if my illusion of control is gone
allow me to construct another,
let you be the stitching of a temporary plaster,
that I might carry on.

Hold me,
break free my icy barrier
let loose my tears, that I
might let go the years I have grown to.

Too fast,
Too soon,
Hold me so I might forget.
Don't remind me of what's real just yet.

Please.

Dearest lover, stroke my hair.
Pull the thread which binds me,
strip me bare
of pretence, which I've layered on.
Stare upon me,
See me wrong.

See the burnt out hair,
the un-smoothed skin,
masked with the care
of unknown sin.
My green eyes guarded within
their painted black,
the legs, though shapely,
lack
the never-ending stream of gold,
instead look icy, pale and cold.
Look upon it,
Stare upon me.

Now press, accept, my quivering lips to thine,
that once more I may claim myself mine.

I never had a care for myself,
as long as I felt alive
and did survive
I never strived
to protect my shell of skin,
until she pried me from within.

For, although I still felt numb
I lay, for once, undone
before the one who prompted
love's bittersweet curse.
The one I could not reverse,
nor find a remedy,
to stop my pain to you
from me.

When I am cut
you bleed,
and when a burn
scorches my thick hide
and guilts my inside,
as I watch you suffer for my sin.
I hurt within,
as you writhe from a blow dealt by a kin.

There is no graze or scar
upon my body which she has not felt,
no beating I have dealt
upon myself
which has not gone to her
twicefold.
My heart burns cold
at the blow that she,
loveliest of creatures,
was dealt
me.

But, you see,
I've accepted that yin to my yang you must be.

I ask of you, are you worth it?
The pain and lack of care,
the continual tear of my hearts
many scars,
the trapping of me once more
behind the bars
of my blindness of feeling.

The blows you deal me send me
reeling,
and yet I still find myself
kneeling
at your sacrificial altar,
once more offering my all,
mind, body
soul.
Knowing you will only take
the second,
that once more you will forsake
my mind and soul.
Congratulations on your ****.

Flashes of light,
rushes of sound,
through the stream of life, bounds
the rarities.
Breaking forth for
air
with lack of care
for my sanity,
for, although
it may seem vanity for
me to present an unbroken seal,
to hide what others
would say is real.
I so wish to stay secure
to ensure
I do not yield to the
lure of
madness.

It is with sadness that I
admit the futility
of this stupidity of
a wish.
How much more can I persist?

Pain
contained in a cell of skin and blood
throbs hard,
striking out at the walls with a thud
forlornly I stare
down at the bud
of the poem which I had wished to begin,
and wonder exactly which sin
this mind war is repentance for...
ah well, suppose it's sods law.

I choose to be happy*
those words, now caged in a song,
slip through my lips before their
immortalisation.
They come in a confession of self,
a revelation of me.
I stare up at the listener preparing
to defend myself, and find,
once again,
that no defence is needed.
My heart,
my safety,
my world.
With you alone I am
constantly vulnerable,
yet always
protected.
Thank you.