To write out,bleed out on paper

To the man whose pain I caused,
Am sorry.
Am sorry that I broke your heart and messed you up while I was trying to fix myself.
It may seem  too late for this apology
But for me,it feels right
Cause had I said these words back then,
They wouldn't have been genuine at all

Am sorry for the times you asked that we go out together and I claimed to be busy while I stayed home to binge watch some series
The time you sent me roses and I whined about my preference for orchids.
Friday night when you returned from your work trip , came to see me and I said I didn't want to look at you
Am sorry.

Am sorry that when we broke up
I let my friends believe you had hurt me,
They called you trash and said I was better off without you
I could have told them the truth ,
Could have told them I was the monster not you.
I was the trash and you were constantly trying to recycle me.
That it was you who was better off without me
But I kept silent.

Am sorry, really sorry that from the start I knew this wasn't going to last forever but I let you believe it would.
That when you said you loved me ,I said I loved you 2 and yet I didn't

Thinking back to the time we met,I feel sorry,
Am sorry because I think if we went back in time I would still be selfish
I would still lure you in ,
I would still use you
Because for a broken, messed up girl like me,
Your love was and still is like a dream.
Your are the best thing that has ever happened to me..
Am sorry that for all your charm , love and affection....I gave you nothing but
my darkness in return
And am sorry that it took me this long to say-SORRY

TODAY
Well today could have been our anniversary
Today....I would have dressed just for you
Today, I would have written you a poem or a love letter, maybe both
Today...I would..
But today marks 634 days since you broke my heart
634 days since I found you in her arms
Today, could have been our anniversary,but instead... today serves as a reminder of my foolishness and immaturity.

I had you were getting married
And oh, thank you for asking
If I was "okay" with it, like my opinion ever mattered
And thanks for the apology,but I think it's too late
It was too late  the moment I caught you
And oh thanks for the invite..
What a blissful reunion it would be if I showed up at your wedding

Today, exactly 634 days ago,I slit my wrists
I felt at peace as I bled
I found peace in my dark thoughts
But today 634 days ago,I was saved by my mother
And I realized she had raised me better
That I was never really in love with you,I was in love with a version of you that you switched on when you wanted to get laid
That I deserved better.

Today, today...my therapist gave me a punching bag with your face on it
She asked me to hit hard to let go of all my anger
But today I realized it wasn't worth it, you weren't worth it
Today I realized I owed myself an apology for my stupidity
For trying to **** myself
For putting you before me
Today... could have been our anniversary but am glad it isn't
Cause today...I realized am glad I lost you

+256gedhdcdgi
Hope you figure it out
And give me a call

So cold in a lonely world

Love don't cost a thing
       Or maybe t does
Maybe t costs a thing or a number of things
But 4 u my love.. I wud give t all up
Love costs tym & ur my world,
My love all my time z yrs to have
Love requires sacrifice
   There z nothing i wudnt give up 4 u
Not a single thing
Love z unconditional
My love 4 u z not seasonal
I love u in all seasons
     Before the sun kisses the earth
I want to be with u
And when the moon hugs the night sky
I'll still be by ur side
I love u with every breath I take
For eternity I will always love u