How do I even start, and where do I begin?
What differs between then  and now?
How does one get caught between
Space and time? or prioritize death over life?,
Or Must I blame the monster in the mirror
Or sympathize with a broken boy in the interior
Must I speak my mind or try to filter
How do I put together sugar-coated words,
But be as straight as a double edge sword?

I am stuck between love and hate and
Conflicted between peace and pain,
Convicted without having gone to jail,
A prisoner in my own mind and a slave
Of my own forever active brain's madness  or
insanity to bring about unto the careless world clarity
or give sense of life in this soulless body of mine
or come to terms with the realities of  this uneasy life
Or reach for uncertainties of next one?

How can one book promise us to reap according to our deeds
but also curse the sons according to their father's sins
Do I live life without  meaning or avoid my past and still be me
Do I accept my circumstances as they are
and face my challenges as they come?
Must I choose  myself  all the time, or
Consider the casualties in the war between
myself and I?

Must I look for a silver lining in every dark cloud
Shall I wait for the dawn in every dark  night
Or Must we live in faith and hope for a brighter
dawn after dusk
Must a wait for a miracle to settle  the dust
Must I patiently wait  for invitation to the afterlife
or Must I make the most out of the current  one?

I am lost between two worlds of kindness and bitterness
I am caught between blame games and wilderness
I can easily maneuverer if I was heartless and careless
I can easily take the pain or indulge in my numbness
Must I know the book of psalms by heart or pay tithes  
Must I drown the sorrows in the palms  and wines
For tigers don’t  cry, but what a man without  emotions or tears
How does one win the battle of life without conquering their fears?

I guess I’ll  find the answers one day,
I will keep my fingers crossed,
but for now I am still Conflicted.

Like blind leading the blind I follow my heart
and it leads me back to your warm arms,
As I hang myself in a knot of your love
and kick the bucket of my own pride
I am well aware that this is not right,  
but it is the only language I recognize

I know very well the road only leads
to one destination and yet I still hold
my head high and steadily, through I walk.
I am pleading with you to take me as
a sacrifice, hoping to get comfort, and
warmth in the walls of your iced heart
Not that I am complaining  of the emptiness
In the depth of your brown eye *****

Slit my throat  as the lamb, for I long but
nothing other than suffering in your presences
For the fear of the unknown is worse
than the devil I already know, I don’t know
what life without you feels like anymore
Or at least I find it very hard to remember,
For the only  memories I have in what left
of my sanity is none other than heart ache

Here I am, take me, take me as I am and
do with me what your heart desire,
For I have accepted my fate is dire
I have come to terms with betrayal
I have been here before, not once or twice
Truth is I have lost the count,
but I still get goose bumps and lose my mind
It still all strike me  as a surprise

The thought of being here is comforting than away,
because only here I feel free and can let my guard down
And let you spill the blood from my heart to yours
As you make this sacrifice please remember the clause
Remember all the hymns and sing all the songs
As you Slit my throat with your words,
leaving me feeling worthless like a clown

But like I said I have been here before,
so the pain can’t be hard to endure
We are already here, so you might
As well just **** me once again

Just this time, make sure it eternal.

Let me in your head a little bit,
so our love feels like fairy-tale
As I whisper something in your ears,
do hear me slowly exhale
Then inhale your sweet fragrance
And a sweet scent of your hair

I want nothing than to be close to you,
so stay close to me too
Never leave my sight, for
I will always be by your side
Lie to me, say you all mine,
And yes I will believe you,
for it all I desire.

For I find in you what can never
be found anywhere else
Sorry if I do strike you as though
I am a little Obsessed
When I am with  you,
it like time move in reverse.

I can not wait for a next moment,
to rub my skin unto yours
while my eyes are fixed in  your eyes
May we switch tongues
as you Indulge in pleasure, and
heat is persists in your thighs

Lie on my chest and tell me
stories about your thrilling life
There is nothing precious
as staring at your beautiful smile
Please say that you are all mine,
for I am yours since we crossed paths

Let us connect in spirit, as we synchronize
on a heart to heart
Caress me with your magical soft hands
Feel my heavy  passionate breaths and
pressure as blood runs on my chest

She said I want none but you,
Trust me, nothing matters
For as long as I'm with you
Everything I say is true
So are my feelings for you

Open your heart,
Let me make you feel safe
Let me keep you at ease
I'll be your place to rest
You can open your chest

He did, just as per her request
He let his guard down
He spoke his mind
He confessed his feelings
He followed her lead

She said you have to trust me
She said I only want to help
but you must let me in first
You must lean on me babe, and
Just like that he was tamed

Comfortably, he got lost
in the shades of her gentleness
He fell asleep to the softness of
Her voice,
like a king in the tenderness of
Her skin

He enjoyed her surprises
The wildness, the craziness
The compliments,
The tickling, giggles
Kisses and all

He gave her, everything
She did the same, and more
She even decorated
His back with a knife
How lovely?

My beloved season is yet to come
I can't wait to feel the touch of frost
The smell of snow in the morning dew
The pretty little whitest stones dust  
The coldest darkest dawn and dusk

The season of love and cuddles
The season of coal and candles
The season of cold and sneezers
The season of wool and blankets


My favourite season is yet come
For so many reasons I've waited
As many others pass