Čortoloman

Čortoloman May 2022

Planina

Hold back, light burns what is not empty. You love her too much, she told you clearly that she lacks capacity. Why tell her it's a lie? Listen to people who surround you, they try their best after all. You know that being alone is not so bad. Go back to that.

Čortoloman Feb 2022

Abstract other

Troubled emotion, a wild devotion.
True to myself, despised belief with transpired bedevilment. Untrue to myself, with relaxed philistine.
Downward diagram, शिव idiom to eternal self.
See self to be, see other to feel, see all to unsee.

Čortoloman Aug 2021

Waiting

I've noticed something about myself.

Just floating in a river of time.

As if I'm waiting for something that never seems to come. Always waiting for tomorrow.

Now a few questions for us.

-why is this site only a place for when I feel old

-why do I only get suicidal notes, and depressed thoughts in mail

-will this be received by someone in their mail as well

-why is hot so often filled with cold and sad

-where is the balance on this site

-where is the balance in this world.

Just floating in a river of confusion

Saying Farewell to passing logs and drowned cats

Am I dead and living a hell of my own, but just not hot enough to question it? There seems to be no way out.

A few questions of my own.

-are you dead?

-with those empty eyes. Are you blind?

-with that cold heart. Are you in charge?

There seems to be no way out.

Just floating in reverse. Everything feels out of place.

Just waiting to go back trough time.

Čortoloman Jul 2021

Demons were now.

Petty, petty liars
With their pretty fliers

Promising relation
Of dehumanised formation

Asked, given, but not forgiven.
Taken, gotten, but not forgotten.

I can be a demon too.

Čortoloman May 2021

I Love You

If I were to tell you I love you, you would probably be confused.

Why me? Why now? Why at all?

But I cannot "love" you and therefore it's my fault for expressing myself incorrectly. What I mean when I say love is a state of awareness, state of being. It is all around me, the universe holds me in its lap never letting go, in the name of the Mother, It shows the way, and only the way, in the name of the Father, and it accepts all that I am, all the actions and their consequences, in the name of a true Friend.

holy trinity

Čortoloman Apr 2021

Lonely

I feel lonely my King. Should I strive to meet and find those that don't make effort to find me? But those that I want to meet have no ego, no ambition. That seems counter-intuitive. How can I be like them by wanting to find them? It is against their nature, their will.

It seems you answered your own question... So why are you here?

It is terrifying my King. Understanding that everything I am is my choice, my will. The process of synchronization is requiring me to first know there is a reason I choose to be Me, after that it requires of me to find those reasons and embrace them. I am scared, I am afraid. If I choose to be Me then the reasons I have must be painful... Oh so painful. I do not want to understand that pain, I am scared of it, TERRIFIED of it! How can I keep going down this path?! I will burn my soul to a crust!!

If you understand that you choose to be Yourself. If you understand that there is a reason you live like you do. Then you will also understand that the path you choose trough your Hell, is a path you want to go down. You will go down. Find comfort in that thought, find comfort in yourself. The one that is Me.
Like a rock tumbling down a hill. It has a chosen velocity and a known trajectory. Find comfort in a fact that you cannot change it. Accept your fate, and your pain will not be your own anymore. I will share it.

I love you so very much, I miss our time together. I truly hope you can get over it. I will see you on the other side my friend, my love, my life.

Čortoloman Sep 2019

Cycle

People only die when ready.
Rock only rolls down the hill until it stops.
Particle moves another.
Information is forever contained.

The transformation from thought to light is in every form a road to completion.
A thought is a wave until it becomes a particle.
When the cycle of this transformation is completed it will associate itself with time and become light.
It will associate itself with space and become the vessel.
Once it is both it will become reborn.