the time of suffication
the time of haste

the fast paste of everything around
then the Stop
the silence
the suffication
the nothingness until it crashes on you

the time of panic
the time of terror

The things I once loved are not just a distraction,
Now even those distractions can’t entertain me.
The feeling of nothingness is closing around me,
The cold I thought I had under control is now taking over.

The drowning feelings are finally frozen in place,
But so are any other feelings I used to have.
Happiness, gone.
Sadness, gone.
Anger, gone.

I feel like I am a walking doll.
Not the kind with no imperfections and always a smiling,
No.
More like the one you forgot in the dark and cold place to rot.

Sometimes
I feel like everything I do will only end in unneeded things.

Im in school,
but I don’t want to go out
I don’t want to explore.  

I do what is wanted of me
I do what is needed of me,
but nothing more.
Never anything more.

Time passes while I stand still,
Those around me only see what I want them to see,
That make me a fake me.

Sitting and waiting, Watching the Sun,
Day after Day, Nothing, No Fun.

As things repeat day after day,
Week after week, month after month,
As things stay the same, no fun.

Sitting alone or with others,
Feeling the same either way,
Day by day, month by month,
Nothing will change, no fun.

Do what I do to get along,
To get ahead, to make it work,
Do what I want to feel better,
But always get it wrong, no fun.