It must be an ugly side
I display
How can I not
When I display so openly
Of course there is an ugly side
I cannot see
Glaring obviously
To everyone
But me
I been kicked around
Occasionally
Some of those bruises never leave
Become invisible to me
Eventually

It’s hard to be done
With something
I never really got to start
Can a finish be before a start
Or did I start
And get no where?
Is that starting?
And can it be finished
When there’s still so many questions?
I suppose acceptance rarely comes
With answers from anyone
Other than myself

Some days
You live in my mind rent free
All free
Yet  
Priceless commodity
Thoughts of you
Seducing me
To write all this poetry
Beautiful muse
Feeding my mind
Free for both you and me
The way it will always be
Test it out,
You’ll see

Overlooked
Most are
Hard not to take it personally
When it happens to
Everybody

You hide here and there
Everywhere
I see you in the boy at the grocery store
Before I looked for you
Shopping was such a bore
But now you are here
In my life all around
There's a part of you in
Every boy in this town

Nothing to report
Yet
Everything
To anyone
Interested enough
To know
And interesting enough
To make me wanna tell

I almost feel sorry for you
Sitting over there
Trying so hard to be offensive
And don’t nobody care
It must be thoroughly frustrating
To be ignored
When using every trigger word
Trolling, trolling, vigorously
Screaming “somebody PLEASE notice me!”
And still, nobody bothers to see
Your frustration displayed so angrily
Go back in the basement and shut the door
Cry for ya mummy til your lungs are sore
But whatever you do
WHATEVER you do
Don’t come round here bothering me no more

It is a devilish pleasure
Watching someone I dislike
Get their comeuppance
Admittedly
There is evil in me
The part which tells me
I am worthy to serve
An opinion regarding
What others deserve.

I can understand why our ancestors
Didn’t use their feet like hands
But that’s one thing I wish we had kept
On our journey from monkey to man

Poetry evolving
Personally for me
Different places or spaces
Poetry comes with me
Differently
Happy place
Sad place
Where ever
Whoever
I may be
Poetry comes with me
Evolutionary

I hope I have been a blessing to you
But I could have been a burden, too
Maybe a little of both
I must’ve said something that made you
Choke
But you still got air
And you ain’t broke
I hope you’re better off somehow
Since I been coming around
You’re the silent type
Don’t show any clues
But what you keep in your hand
Screams silently
As loud as a silent scream can be
Everyone hears it
Except me

I know you
And you probably know me
I see you in your poetry
One of you
Is really sweet
A romantic on the sly
Pretending to be the
“I don’t care” guy
Another
Salt of the Earth
So in touch with emotions
Old soul, who must have been created
With the Big Bang
Some sort of one celled creature
Now evolved into the most complicated
Yet simple man
One of you
Must have had some
Recent reckoning
Face to face with some unforgivable sin
You’ve found yourself in repentance
And it’s become your everything
Another is so sweet and supportive
Friendliness for everyone
Are you giving something you’re craving
Or are you so surrounded by it
It just falls about you?
I sometimes think I can see
Into every poet I read
Except for me

Here I am
All brash and cocky
Talkin’ ‘bout
“He’s gonna miss me”
Been saying it over and over again
Surely because I’ve been missing him
He might be back around one day
I might find the right words to say
On this forgiveness mission
None of it matters anyway
When he’d be foolish to listen
Tangled webs hanging
In the corner I painted myself within
When one cannot blame anyone else
Excuses wear real thin
His final gift to me
The growth I feel within

Excuses are your best friends
You've surrounded yourself
Amongst those little buggers
And as much as you seem to cling to them
They are moving from friends to lovers
They will not love you back
Not make up for one thing you lack
Excuses will not fill your sack
And they routinely blow you right off track

Rest is so much better after a busy day.

I want to like you
You seem decent enough
But stuck
You use *** as a mask
To hide everything else
While gaining cheap attention for yourself
Can’t say I really blame you
For acting how most young girls do
I should probably blame me more
For expecting different from you

Keep ya chin up
Boo
Give willingly to the inevitable
Find a new dream
If you have to
Time tested and true
May no longer apply
Unless you really want it to
And I think you’re that kind of a guy
Time tested and true
Breaks through
Face forward
Whichever way
This is me
Rooting for you

You were privileged
By me
When I wrote you all that poetry
And you
Foolishly
Pretended you couldn’t see
Is that spitting in the face
Of all poetry
Or did you only spit at me?  
You got your own story
That I bet you probably
Almost believe

Are you sure of what you said?
Maybe the opposite is true
The most you can attest
Is that you’re sure of it
For you

I thought it would be
An impossibility
That you wouldn’t inspire me
To write more poetry
But you don’t care to see
So I’m really only writing for me
I suppose that’s the best way to be
Self-inspired poetry
But unfortunately
I am mostly bored by me
How can I not be?
When I am always stuck with me
Now I’m mostly bored with you
You give me nothing to believe
Nothing new to see
And when you share the same old thing
It’s rarely

I’m delusional enough to believe
It wasn’t me he decided to leave
At least not because of me
I tell myself
He was scared
Or too busy
What ever fairy tale
That allows me to still believe

There is no such thing as
Bringing a relationship
Back from the dead
Attempts at resuscitation
Will only result
In more frustration
Holding on
Hoping for change
According to Einstein
Makes you deranged
And he was pretty smart

He started off just like a dream
Perfect guy, now on my team
Smart and funny
Cute and sweet
Well-hung, too
Lots of meat
Perfect really
Just my type
But it was all just blatant hype
He had an issue with jealousy
That at first I didn't see
But his insecurity
Forced me to live in misery
For about a week or two
Pretty quickly we were through
Yet now I sit and miss the guy
He pretended to be
If only I was willing
To believe a fantasy

Stop saying you are pushing him away
Because you care too much
And you don’t want to break his heart
Liar
You push him away
Because you want him to beg you
To let him stay

When am I gonna be good enough to get the haters who come along and downvote every complimentary comment?
What’s a girl gotta do to attract a hater or two?

I fell for the guy you used to be
Before you knew
You had a piece of me

It makes no sense to me
That you don’t want to know me
But maybe you do
Maybe you just don’t want me
To know you

You’ll probably see
Some things about me
If you should bother to look
The quirks and the dreams
And the never before been seens
Within this open book
Pages ripped out
Room for some more
The best should be yet to come
Bring yourself to the story
When the mood hits
It might become your favorite one

It could happen one day
Maybe even tomorrow
That Hellopoetry goes
FREAKING VIRAL
And suddenly
We become cool
For a few minutes
All the secrets we told
In virtual anonymity
Since nobody in our family
Bothers with poetry
BOOM!  
Mainstream
Attached to our names
I don’t know if it’d be a dream come true
Or curse
For most of us

Where you at,
Boo?
I’ve been here
Waiting for you
Maybe you know it
Maybe it’s hidden
I thirst
Right out in the front of it
Hiding nothing
Except for
The most relevant
I could reveal who you are
But I’d rather worship from afar

Memories that I can’t erase
Of an imaginary happy place
You and I could be
If you’d only notice me

I want to love you
And hold you
And lick you all over
Even **** on your sweaty toes
(among other things)
I want your body to feel so
Relaxed and at peace
I want to have you moaning for me
I want to rub you and cover you
With kisses
Make you exclaim
“What GREAT loving this is!”
As you lay on my reverence altar
While I worship your sacred manhood
Recently lovingly bathed by me
Your magnificent, beautiful body
Oiled and primed
I’ll take my sweet time
From head to feet
Feet to head
Lots of time in the middle
Boo
You know I got sumthin’ waiting for you
To make happiness spill from your pores
And just so you know
It’s only yours

And so it begins
The social media
Farce fake friendship
Between
Myself and a relative
Who cannot agree
On ANYTHING
Aside from the fact
We both pretend
With great patience and tact
We don’t dislike each other
Immensely
The problem is her
But also me
We just grate against each other
Painfully
But that is kept privately
And we smile
And put on the fake friendship show
In front of everybody

I planted a lot of seeds
In this here
Outkast orchard
Watered them
Too
Hopefully
The fruit will be
Eaten by you

I really miss that man who blocked me
He had a reason
With no rhyme
And that **** *****
Every time
He was right for doing so
Though
Lessons learned too late
It was for something I should already know
I am responsible for that unfortunate twist of fate
Handed down by a man more loyal than I
Punishment for my wandering eye
And talking about what I saw
He was right to kick me out
I broke a cardinal law
Between he and I
He brought near perfection
And I brought the fatal flaw

Life be wild and tangle
Brambles and bush
Burrs and slimy things
And falling on your ****
Life may be an adventure
Sometimes arduous
Other times
Full of glee
They say life is what you make of it
But why is it so **** reliant upon
Decisions we make when we’re teens?
For most of us
Life is decided
Before we are born
By whom our souls are entrusted to
Lots of people get children
Unprepared
With no idea what to do
Life is not what we make of it
It’s out of our control
Just something we tell ourselves
So we can pretend we know
How and why the turns of fate
Favor some, and deny others
It has nothing to do with
What we deserve
But what our parents have earned
Our fathers and our mothers

Cheering and cheering
Til your lungs get sore
And you’re not even sure
Who you’re rooting for
Anymore

You’re always trying too hard
Laughing the loudest
Celebrating the most vigorously
And wailing at sad times
Almost inappropriately
You must feel something true
Under all that bravado
It’s a backwards way
Of not letting the real you show
Often the biggest feelings we see
Are just a smoke screen
For no feelings at all

You write the poetry of my life
Like you've already lived it
Maybe we're on the same wavelength
Or maybe it's just kismet

The drama queen is long and lean
Always frets about her fat
Sighing in the mirror
From this angle and that
She looks for a reason
So she can take offense
And can't stop pestering you
When you're hanging with other friends
She likes to show her body
And believes the big response
Hundreds of fellas
All of those tellas
Thumbs up, compliment
Making her feel heaven sent
Because they acknowledge
And attention from strangers
Feels like love to her

You pretended you didn’t know me
And that’s when I realized
You can’t get me out of your mind

It’s not as dramatic as I make it sound
I’m not broken, or damaged, or bound
I was hoping he would come around
But he didn’t
And that’s ok
I am still happy
His reaction
(Or lack of it)
Honestly
Has nothing to do with me
Or maybe it’s all my fault
But ultimately
I can accept finality
And though I should be bummed out
I feel kind of relieved
It’s better to know
One way, or the other
Than to delude in a pipe dream
I gave it my best try
One day
I’m gonna read this poetry
And think
“Who was that guy?”

Your death
Was the least violent part of your addiction
You beat your body up
Starved yourself
Went through daily sickness
Forced your loved ones
To alienate
Resigning themselves
Against their will
To your self destructive fate
Programs; outpatient and in
Everything they could to stop this
Disease from winning
You revolted
And bolted
To be “free”
To live in a cage
Voluntarily
Your body wracked with this
Horrible disease
Until you went forever to sleep
Did you get what you wanted?
In death are you finally free?

He walked into the room without knowing he was the only one who had a chair

So many love songs shared
Sweet feelings all the way through
But now
What do I do
Should I share the breakup songs too?  
Nope
He will hear no more of my feelings
Read no more of my poems
Over means finished and gone
So he ain’t gonna get anymore songs

One day
These poems are going to mean something
To somebody
Besides me
Maybe not you
But sometimes poems do
Affect someone
Somewhere
Never around either of us two
Some lonely soul
Will spend time
Over these rhymes
Wishing for a poem
Just like mine
Maybe even in
A thousand years’ time
My feelings for you
Will still be on fire

There is no way to play with fire
It can be used
But not played with
Fire wants to be a tool
Not a toy

Fireflies
I am not trying to hate on them
Because they are magic
But fireflies are a let down up close
Basically, a carpenter ant with wings
Yet,  delicate as far as bugs go
But lovely to see
The magic of glow
In a dusk time firefly show
Who gives a crap
How they look up close?
I’m being a hater of fireflies
Clearly I’ve hit a new low

He is deep waters
Hidden under
A choppy surface
Many step straight from the shore
Assuming the floor
Inches away
And drop in over their heads
Unexpectedly
And one will wonder
How being under
Water
Can feel so fiery

I mourn for what we will never have
And things that might have been
If I could go back with what I know now
And do it all again
I would find you, then
If that impossibility was
Something I could achieve
You’d be the first person
I would go to see