Too hott off the press
The girl is a mess
Yet
Very selective
In whom she will
Bless
With her
Disorganized
Chaotic
Beautiful mess
That man is worthy of nothing less

I don’t want to get all dramatic
And call it an ache
But it’s not not an ache
Either
I don’t think you feel it
With me in your mind
But I might be in your soul
We’re not not soulmates
Maybe one day we will be not soulmates
But we will be good friends
Then

My attention is demanding
And finicky, too
There was a time
I used to wait for you
But only for a little while
Waiting is not something
I’m willing to do
Long term
Even for a beautiful guy like you

My loss of virginity is not something I look back on tormented
But it’s not a big moment for me
It was more taken, than lost
A boy, who I’d never choose to have *** with now
But he was a cool 16 year old
Alone
He. Me.  
And he just started and kept going
All because I didn’t get angry
And say a forceful enough “no”
Maybe I didn’t want to say no
Or else I would have
I don’t think of it as ****
Because we did it without me saying yes
I didn’t feel like I couldn’t say no
And afterwards we snuggled
Not saying no
Is not really the same thing as saying yes
And I wish I would’ve said no
But there were a thousand
Parts of my body, friendship circle, and
Environment that made saying yes
The normal thing to do
For what it’s worth
I’m glad I’m not a ******
So I don’t dwell

It is a hard thing to do
To give up on you
When there’s no one else
I want to look to
I wish there could be
Somebody new
To capture me
So I wouldn’t have to be
So hung up on you
Nowhere slowly
Always going to
I’ll never get to you
Obviously
You don’t want me to
A decision made by you
You got your reasons
Probably good
Shoulda coulda woulda
Should
Doesn’t apply
And you are not a stupid guy
Your judgement is clear and sound
I wish you expressed in some way
That you liked me hanging around
But I get it
Everyone would know
And maybe my obsession will grow
Unhealthy
Or maybe it’s been so all along
Ya boi won’t associate with me
Obviously
I cannot see
What I really be
And still believe
I’m heading somewhere
Slowly

Now I lay me down to bed
Mum doesn’t want me filled with dread
I go to sleep with no sorrow
Knowing I will  wake tomorrow
Thank you, Lord, for every breath
From now until my faraway death
I’ll do my best to live life well
They will never see my soul in Hell

It is selfish
Really
That you want to be
The only thing he cares about
You think you've gained something
By taking everything
Away from him
Silly girl trying to play
A game you can never win

Can you feel it
When you're on my mind
Is there a ringing in your ear?
Persistent probably,
Sometimes
Or maybe it's always there

Times I felt whole
Times I felt broken
Times I felt like a diamond
Times I felt like a token
Times I felt smart
Times I felt dumb
Times I felt it all
Today I feel numb

Sometimes
I feel tingly and on top
Others
Itchy and on bottom
Fluctuation
Plurally
Sometimes
Is otherwise
Almost always
Numb and in middle

It was nutty of me to fall for you
Like us out of whack girls will tend to do
At first I thought you broke me
But now I think I broke you
The fallout from when
A nutty girl falls for you

Of all the “truth” that has ever existed
How much of it is objective?  
50%?  
25?
5?  
Or maybe it could be high
Who knows, because
The terms defining objective truth
Are subjective
Thinkers throughout time
Have questioned truth
Some even insist upon
Their version of it
Is there even such a thing as an objective truth?  
Some years ago
I would have said the Earth was objectively round
Cue up flat Earth (eye roll)
🌎🌏🌍  
I could not seem to find the flat Earth emoji
Maybe that just proves it
The Earth is objectively round
So says the new language
Emojis
So we’ve ended the flat Earth
Debate definitely
Objectively
To you and me
But apparently
Not everybody

What I am
Who I am
I will probably
Always be
Potentially
Great
But not likely
Above average probably
But not enough so that anybody sees
I’m not sure, though
I would want that to be
The world calling me out on my poetry
I don’t know if I’d wish that fate on
Anybody

I watch you two
Bicker back and forth
Can’t remember the last time
I saw you flirting
With each other
Or anyone else
You share a mutual
Pattern of nuisance
And you seem to want it that way
I hope it’s temporary grievances
But I think they’re here to stay

I wear my desperation for him
On my sleeve
On my legs
On my chest
And all over me
I put up no illusions
Of how I hope it to be
Plenty of delusions
And nutty dreams
I carry with me
And show them to him
Honestly
I am the “crazy”  lady
He knows he can believe
Lusting for him
And writing him poetry

I envy those who have the privilege of wearing their hearts on their sleeves
Mine is right on my forehead
In the game of coy
I cannot win
If I grow bangs
It moves down to my chin

The ocean shore is my comfort place
The sounds
The smells
Looking at the same scene
Different every second
Yet predictable
My stress melts away
As soon as my bare feet hit sand
It’s as close as I can get to walking on water
While never leaving land

As it stands now
One of us is a fool
It’s probably me
But it might be you

The undeniable can be ignored
One would assume it couldn’t
I’ve seen impossibilities before
When what one is compelled to do
Might be something they shouldn’t
There’s no way to know ahead of time
Whether it end in roses or in the bramble
But most things really worth doing
Are gonna be a gamble

I have shared many poems on here
And then I got kicked out
It's been more than the required time
And my unshared poems all shout
"Please let us out
Express us forth!"
So I come here
Begging for recourse

At some point
Some time
We all take too long between showers
Some days
Have ways
Of turning into a week

All my online trivia games
Seem to think the okapi is
An extremely important animal
To be able to recognize
At least once a week
I’m asked to identify
The okapi
It is
Apparently
Vital to the online trivia community

Old souls carry old bones
The past settles in between
Weight of spirit
That we imagine can fly
With these old bones
It is the weightlessness we lack
Attached to the Earth
More and more
Old backs

I’m older than the internet
Older than cell phones
Air bags,
I got a few years on Mrs. Pac Man, too
I’m older than My Little Pony
And He Man; he’s just a youth
Easy Bake Oven, younger than me
So are VCRs and DVD
No ATMs present
Till I was a teen
And microwaves
Didn’t exist either
I’m thinking about
All the things we went without
But why did it seem so much easier?

You are an old soul
Beautiful and gentle
Trying to appear tough
Comfortable with the macho
And just beginning to accept
Sometimes you are weak
And that’s OK
You are showing layers of yourself
You’ve always hidden away
Unfolding like a blossom
Delicate
May be
The bush remains
Uninterestedly
Buds and blossoms
Everywhere
Old souls
Blossom unexpected
The ancient rose suddenly shows herself in
Winter
Mostly when nobody sees
Off on the side
The rose, hidden by
The snow caught in the breeze

So long ago I don't remember when
That's when they said I lost my only friend
Well they said she died easy of a broken heart disease
As I listened through the cemetery trees
I seen the sun comin' up at the funeral at dawn
With the long broken arm of human law
Now it always seemed such a waste
She always had a pretty face
I wondered why she hung around this place
Hey-ey-ey
Come on try a little
Nothing is forever
Got to be something better than in the middle
Me and Cinderella
We put it all together
We can drive it home
With one headlight
She said it's cold
It feels like independence day
And I can't break away from this parade
But there's got be an opening
Somewhere here in front of me
Through this maze of ugliness and greed
And I've seen the sign up ahead at the county line bridge
Sayin' all is good and nothingness is dead
We run until she's out of breath
She ran until there's nothing left
She hit the end, just her window ledge
Hey-ey-ey
Come on try a little
Nothing is forever
Got to be something better than in the middle
But me and Cinderella
We put it all together
We can drive it home
With one headlight
Well this place is old
It feels just like a beat up truck
I turn the engine but the engine doesn't turn
Well it smells of cheap wine and cigarettes
This place is always such a mess
Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn
I'm so alone
Feel just like somebody else
Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same
But somewhere here in between the city walls of dying dreams
I think her death, it must be killing me
Hey, hey, hey-ey-ey
Come on try a little
Nothing is forever
There's got to be something better than in the middle
Me and Cinderella
We put it all together
We can drive it home
With one headlight

There’s a saying about being on the wrong train
Get off at the first station
It says
But sometimes it’s best to
Just to see where the train goes
One never knows

Anyone can find someone
When just anyone will do
But for some of us
There’s just one of us
Who can complete the one
To two
And for me
That one of us
Is you

You owe me nothing
But why wouldn’t you
Drop some kinda word
Give this poor girl a clue
Is this just a game to you
Where you don’t have to play
And you make all the rules
Do I add up to only entertainment value
Or are you so out of touch
You haven’t a clue
That some crazy girl
Is pursuing you
Questions
Questions
No question marks
The lines are incomplete
Grammarless
Pointless
One grain of sugar
On what should be real sweet
Hopscotch board too far to jump
Some foolish chump
Needs a swift kick in the ****
I went to see Oscar the Grouch
And found ***** the Grump
I’m those ******* morons
Following Trump
Believing he wants to make things easy
At a low point in their lives
They stand there and kowtow and howl
While he throws out some paper towels
I’ve got no ******* and an overactive bowel
It just feels so pathetic and foul
That would be me
Chasing you so pathetically
Not even sure if you see
After all this heartfelt effort
You won’t even acknowledge me
Do you think I’m that lowly?
Or do you no longer even bother to see
The musing of some foolish girl
Who won’t go away
Or do you secretly want me to stay?
Maybe you’ll let me know someday

In matters of the heart
One day
Can be
An eternity

Some kinda something is there
Between us otherwise strangers
Small interactions
Now and then
Mysterious energy
I can’t explain
Between you and me
Over airwaves
Almost anonymously
But some way
Somehow
It means something to me

I only know you
Invisibly
Your face is something
I've yet to see
I know your heart
What's in your soul
I must admit
It's beautiful
It makes me wonder
What I'll see
If you turn out to be
Really ugly

I came here looking for you
You’re not here
Amused myself with something newer
On my way to something new
My attention span is nonexistent
But I stay around the edges
You’ll be back here soon

I got something to say to you
…
Forget it
What’s the use?

Maybe you’re not “him”
But at the very least
You’re a cool spring of water
And a field full of flowers
With the perfect tree for climbing
Along my path
Or maybe
You are an oasis mirage
But I’m heading in that direction
So we’ll see
What may be
Between you and me

I know it when I see it
Trust my own voice
Which means also
Trusting you
Slowly
Slower
Maybe
Fortunate signs
As read by a skeptic

Your such an angle to me
You’re goodness their for all to sea
Your the best person I no
So I must tell yew sew

lady stands before an open window
Staring so far away
She can almost feel the southern wind blow
Almost touching her restless day
She turns from her window to me
Sad smile her apology
Sad eyes reaching to the door
Daylight loses to another evening
And still she spares me the word, "Goodbye"
And sits alone beside me fighting her feelings
Struggles to speak, but in the end can only cry
Suddenly it's so hard to find
The sound of the words to speak her troubled mind
So I'm offering these to her as if to be kind
There's a train every day leaving either way
There's a world, you know
There's a way to go
And you'll soon be gone, that's just as well
This is my opening farewell
A child's drawings left there on the table
And a woman's silk lying on the floor
And I would keep them here if I were able
And lock her safe behind this open door
But suddenly it's so clear to me
That I'd asked her to see what she may never see
And now my kind words find their way back to me
There's a train every day leaving either way
There's a world, you know
You got a way's to go
And I'll soon believe, it's just as well
This is my opening farewell

I stated my peace
Which brought only conflict

Popular opinion
Indicates that or this
But people are stupid
And blind to what they
Intentionally miss

People will have something to say
However you do it, any way
If you stay quiet
Or have a lot to say
Whether you wake up late at night
Or early in the day
Whether you spectate
Or whether you play
Whether you’re straight
Or whether you’re gay
Whether you say
Yay or nay
Whether your an atheist
Or if you pray
Whether you’re black
Or white or gray
On your nerves
It’s gonna fray
If you bother with what
Other people say

Is it almost an insult to you
A low-value me
Thinking anything could possibly be
Do you laugh and mock
At the foolish groupie
If you happen to look
What do you see?
I can only look from my inside view
Thinking I have something of value
To offer you
I am just a joke
I know this to be true
But funny may be something
In your life, you could use
In your serious business
Of blowing your flute
In any event
I offer my fruit
It’s yours
To use
Whether or not
You choose

Don’t choose me
If you have to choose
I’m going to be
With one
Who cannot help
But be
With me

Here now
Hopefully
Comes a celebration of
The ordinary
The man who doesn't
Entertain or incite
The righteously unright
The overly uptight
Armed and angry
It's a disease
The blinding need
To think self righteously
While blaming the needy
For your extra unmet "needs"
But now you live vicariously
Through those you envy for their greed
Out of shape and out of steam
And this is who
You
Choose to envy
We need to look up to
The ordinary

I shot myself in the foot
With all those love poems
Written for someone who didn’t read ‘em
Plastered them here and other places
Write in everyones’ faces
Alright
And now
It didn’t work out
And anyone else I catch feelings for
Is gonna see this whole lovesick score
Written by me
To some other man
Maybe I’ll write for him, too
But I’ve already said every
Romantic thing I could say
And the next one who comes my way
Is gonna get some hand-me-down
Watered down
Version of something I already said
About loving someone else until I was dead
And I’ll never get him out of my head
But, now he is fading
A new one will come soon
(I hope)
And I’ve already promised those stars and that moon
To the one who used to make me swoon
Will I be singing the same tune?
I hope it will sound new
And not like “Love Poems,
Slightly revised version, Two”

It’s done and through
And I am grateful for you

Is this gonna never be
Or a maybe, let’s see?
Bring me in closer
Or set me free
Whatever it be is fine for me
And fine for you, too
You’ll see
It is a kindness to say
“I’m not going your way.”

Outside
Alone
And the sounds
Sometimes just the wind
Peaceful
Even with birds
Fighting in background
Tom cats wailing
Tortured haunts of the quiet
Somehow
It’s still peaceful
Outside
Alone

My guy won’t be the type to ever say
“I’ll die for you.”  
He will say, “I’ll get us both through.”

I miss the beautiful parts of you
Tender moments
And fresh air breaths
But you’ve got ugly parts, too
Angry, mean, and lots of mess
I can’t have one without the other
It’s just who you are
Uglier than beautiful
Unkind words bashing
In my skull
Pushing away against the pull
You can’t be what you are not
And I cannot be blind
I refuse to go through
Thickets of ugliness
To find a tiny field of kind