He must be on some secret mission
Saving democracy
Or maybe he’s climbing Mount Everest
To fulfill some childhood wacky dream
Maybe he’s performing ritual sacrifice
On a spiritual journey
Maybe he got hit by a truck
Or otherwise just ran out of his luck
All of these things I pretend it could be
And I’m over here avoiding reality
He ghosted me

I’m not the type to make announced exits
Unless I love you
Then, you’ll know

Maybe he’ll be back again
Could be soon
Don’t know when
Probably it will be
Some time before he
Isn’t disgusted with me
Deservedly
When I open mouth and stick in feet
Foolishly
I’d like to make him believe
I didn’t say it seriously
But I dislike dishonesty
And at that time
I meant what I said
And frankly I still do
But I should have kept it to myself
This ******* don’t think things through
Fickle and faulted
And dented and dumb
Practically numb
It’s no big surprise
He don’t want him some

You aspire to
Stand out
Turn in assignments
Comic sans font
For it to be memorable
Being different
Yet your work is
Mediocre
There's a lesson in there
Somewhere
Gimmicks are the refuge of  the
Mediocre

Currently
I stay attached to thee
Perhaps because you let me be
You do not discourage me
Which I perceive optimistically
But it could be true
That you simply don’t care
Or you’re completely unaware
Or maybe I disgust you
What’s a girl supposed to do
With no idea what is true
And “could be”
Maybe
Vague and shady
Glimmers of crazy
When not a no
Perceived as a maybe

You are put to good use
I’ve lost count of all
The nuts I’ve busted
With you as the muse
As far as nut busting goes
You, sir, are a pro
Even when you do not know
You are the best
******* mascot  
It’s pretty cool to be so great
At something in which
You don’t participate

Poetry is my ego
Talking through me
It's my words
In my world
And I am the deity
In the world
Of my poetry

I want to ****** your dark places
And spaces
Tell me what keeps you from sleep
Unburden yourself from the secrets you keep
Give me your story of guilt and remorse
Walk me through your mind’s obstacle course
Show me your ugly
Share all the bitter
Truths and lies that make up your litter
Splay yourself all over the scene
In my mind’s eye
Lose control; laugh and cry
Pound your fists on the ground
And ask God “why?!”
Share who you are
Give it a try
I promise you no matter what I see
I will search for it’s beauty
No matter how ugly it be

What’s to be gained from baring one’s soul
And then
Who will want to see it?
It’s a heavy task
Soul bearing unasked
A chore done in layers
And yet
A labor of love
When what is laid bare
Is unique and rare
Yet as common as
Dirt
Golden dirt

I see your loyalty
Pushing your dad
In his wheelchair
Every day
Meandering up the street
And back again
I hear the patient tone in your voice
As he asks you
For the hundredth time
“Where are we going?”
“Just for a walk, dad.”
“Where are we going?”
“Just around the block, dad.”
“Where are we going?”
“Checking the neighborhood, dad.”  
Dad will not remember the walk
But you take him
Every day
He must have been a good dad
For you to turn out that way

I fail to see
What you want me to see
We only just met
We're like on second three
But you think I wanna be
Arguing with you
Over a political party
And some hero you have
Who lacks dignity
You're already wrong
When your vibe is ******
And all you can do is throw insults at me
I have no time for your perceived
Superiority
I'd prove you wrong
But you'd never believe

I am a ****** girl
Rot
Like trash
I would rather
Rot
Though
And become fertilizer

My neighbor is growing ***
Right in the back yard
She goes to work all day
The sun baking those little trees
I’ve been dutifully watering them
I’m sure hoping she sees
Maybe she’ll be inspired
To share some of it with me

It ain’t what it used to be
It’s never been what it could
Hinged upon what almost would
It’s still good
Though

Mostly good

I could tell he wanted my attention
Which was adorable
As adorable can possibly be
In a man of fifty three
For a few seconds
And a few seconds more
He was a little boy of four

I want to taste your sweat
I want to lick clean your ***** places
You’d like that, I’ll bet
I want to untie the knots in your muscles
I want to light the fire under your hustle
I want to make you laugh down in your belly
I want to dance until our legs are jelly
I want to honor you as my muse
I want to feel put to good use
I want your partner to accept a truce
I want you to take a break from the flute
Go down into your roots
Ya Boi likely wants that too
I want to be invisible
To everyone here, but you
I want to be your muse
And for you
To put me to good use

I might be almost ready to move away
If there is no choice
Which there seems to be not
Choice voiced
Accepted not my choice
I suppose you hope for me
To find someone who is healthy
And you will probably celebrate to see
Me writing someone else poetry
That seems to me
The kind of man you be

I would think different and even, as one thinks they feel like a child they feel way too small under I think she believes.  They I would have.

I am not impressed with your excuses
"I am too good of a guy"
Is not a reason to be miserable
Or complain about how much
Too good has cost you
You fool
Good guys don't ignore
Drama or discomfort
Caused by them
So they can pretend
They deserve to complain

I cannot describe the small feeling
Terrified, uncomfortable
When a beloved elderly person’s
Handwriting
Starts to shake
It is particularly painful
Watching them
Watch it happen

I wish I could say that he took me for granted
But he took me for nothing at all
His disinterest would have been legendary
If there was a measure for how much someone don’t want to see
I got on my knees
Said lots of pleas
Asked for help from a God I don’t truly believe
Wrote a whole lot of poetry
Shared lots of music, too
Tried everything I could think to do
He didn’t appreciate even one bit
Nothing ever to come of it
That’s his right
No hard feelings
All my might, I tried
Never got one toe inside
Nothing granted
Except this free ride
Round and round
On the invisible train
To nowhere town

Wonderment at what’s on
The horizon
And the determination
To get there

I wish I had it in me
To be great
And to shine
And create something memorable
On purpose
And to know it
The creation of something memorable
Recognized
By memorable people
And what that feels like
But I don’t have it in me
The ability to bear the weight
Of being great

You gonna have to
Maybe
Come right out and say
Some day
When you feel a foundation laid
Almost sorta
Depending upon how much attention you paid
And how much you are afraid
I know you ain’t worried about getting played
The risky bet wants to know
Which way you gonna go?

Blame doesn’t have to be claimed or assigned
It lies in every adult
You or me
Blame is there
Surely for this or for that
Some carry more
Or less  
Some pretend they carry none
Some really believe it
But no body
Is blameless

He keeps calling you a cheat
Every time you’re not in sight
He claims you’re banging some other guy
He knows he is not right
Guilt unconfessed, held inside
Turns into accusations
On the flip side

I know you've been hurt before
It's unfortunate
What you went through
But stop treating me like I'm
Deceptive
Because someone else lied to you

Gypsy rebel
Never level
****!
And then, she’s gone
Yet still remains
Her spirit
In almost every song

I think
Maybe
You're the man of my dreams
After a long night of drinking
You are the perfect guy
When I'm not capable
Of thinking

You're a ladder without rungs
A bagpipe player with no lungs
You're a car that's lacking brakes
An actor who needs fifty takes
Hot cocoa on a summer day
When ice cream was the better play
You're the guy who's always late
You like to make others wait
I suppose maybe some will
Those who have a void to fill

Hey girls, gather round
Listen to what I'm puttin' down
Hey, baby, I'm your handy man
I'm not the kind that uses pencil or rule
I'm handy with the love and I'm no fool
I fix broken hearts, I know I truly can
If your broken heart, she needs repair
Then I'm the man to see, I whisper sweet things
You tell all your friends, they'll come running to me
Here is the main thing I want to say
I'm busy twenty four hours a day
I fix broken hearts, I know that I truly can
Come, come, come, come, come, come, come
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Come, come, come, come, come, come, come, oh now
They'll come runnin' to me
Here is the main thing I want to say
I'm busy twenty four hours a day
I fix broken hearts, baby I'm your handy man
Come, come, come, come, come, come, come
Yeah, yeah, yeah

If I wasn’t angry
I’d be wishing you a happy birthday
But since I’ve got an attitude
With you
(For good reason, too)
I will not be wishing you a happy birthday
This is not me hoping you’re having a
Wonderful day
Lots of joy and happiness all in your way
I didn’t come here to say
I hope you have a happy birthday
In fact
I forgot all about it
What day is it today?
Probably not your birthday
Which is why I am not here
Shhhhhh
That wasn’t even me

I tried writing you a birthday poem
(This is draft 22)
I put lots of heart and soul in
But none of them will do
I wish I had more skill
Better vocabulary
You deserve a masterpiece
To honor you perfectly
But instead
You get a poem from me
Happy birthday, Mister
I hope it’s filled with love
Overflowed with joy
And blessings from above
I wish for you perfect contentment
As sublime as you can be
I hope you find something you’ve been searching for
And it is completely free
I wish for you a day
Filled with blessings all along the way
Peace within your soul
Capture of some long-held goal
Knowledge of something
You’ve always wanted to know
Highest high achieved drug free
At least one moment where you say
FINALLY!  
I hope you hear a voice
You’ve been missing for a while
I hope the one you love the most
Gives you the biggest smile
I hope you stay up just late enough
To celebrate your favorite stuff
And when you’re ready to
You drift into a perfect sleep
And your favorite dream
Spends the night with you
I hope you have
Your happiest birthday
Boo

I ain’t never gonna really leave
Unless you ask me to
And then I’d go
Happy for you

Please don’t love me more than anything
I don’t need that kind of pressure
Love me like you love pizza
Or maybe your favorite sweater
I don’t want to be the one you worship
It’s too high of a pedestal
From which to fall
If you’re going to love me too much
I’d rather you not love me
At all

Every time I think of you
I send good vibes your way
Purposefully
A bunch of times each day
It is my silent gift
You may not even get
But some
You receive
I’ll bet

It doesn’t have to be
Between me and anybody
I got plenty of friends and family
And the water falls out of my tub faucet at the perfect speed
Whatever the thing between you and me
Maybe something, or nothing, or forever “we’ll see”
You’re not here
And I’m still complete
Maybe as much as I’m ever gonna be
But that’s OK; I’m happy with me
Completely incomplete
There is nothing from you that I need
It just seems
You could take me to my dreams
And who knows what that trip could do for you?
You might find out you’re dreaming too

Cryin' on the corner, waitin' in the rain
I swear I'll never, ever wait again
You gave me your word but words for you are lies
… Darlin' in my wildest dreams, I never thought I'd go
But it's time to let you know, oh
… I'm gonna harden my heart
I'm gonna swallow my tears
I'm gonna turn and leave you here
… All of my life I've been waitin' in the rain
I've been waiting for a feeling that never, ever came
It feels so close, but always disappears
… Darlin', in your wildest dreams, you never had a clue
But it's time you got the news
… I'm gonna harden my heart
I'm gonna swallow my tears
I'm gonna turn and leave you here
… Darlin' in my wildest dreams, I never thought I'd go
But it's time to let you know, oh
I'm gonna harden my heart
I'm gonna swallow my tears
I'm gonna turn and leave you here

Arguing over the internet
Futile, probably
Frustrating, surely
But occasionally
There is a hugely satisfying victory
All the better
There in writing
For everyone to see
One would assume
People want to avoid drama
Naturally
But that’s not the case
For some who are so lonely
And inept at being friendly
So they create controversy
Just to interact with humanity
The natural reaction is to get angry
But really
We should feel sorry
Through the curtain of *******
The hurt person inside is hard to see

It is a mission
Just to get there
Acknowledgment

Harmlessly weird is either fun or
Frustrating
Depending upon whether it’s
Real
Or just
An act

My muse is unreliable
Silent most of the time
But when he finally sings
It’s a sound sublime
Unfortunately
For all of us
Including mostly me
He doesn’t
Believe

It befuddles me
How you can be so surprised
After all those yellow
Flashing warning lights
Part of me wants to be angry at you
But I know
I’ve ignored signs too
I can’t even figure if hazzard is spelled
With one z, or with two

Being remembered by millions of people is no more impressive than being known and loved by tens of people.

He doesn’t think I’m not worth looking at
I see him looking
He sees me looking too
It doesn’t seem to bother him
Though sometimes he pretends not to
Notice
Sometimes I pretend not to be looking
Sometimes we smile
And with all that pretending
It is a surprisingly genuine
Vibe
He and I  
Little moments
Over time

All the things you never said
Sit inside my head
Unspoken almost token
Of what should have been
Yet never was
Could it be the voices
In my head
Are broken?
Or is it the voice you speak with
That is choking?
Maybe both of us are the cause
Ain’t either one of us lacking flaws
But everyone with common sense and eyes to see
Can ascertain quite easily
The problem surely rests in me
With eyes that think they can hear,
And ears that think they can see

It’s not his fault

The internet
Pretends to be intimate
False sense of really knowing
But all we see is the fake
Front that people are showing
Who is really behind
That screen
So many pictures
They paste
But yet
Everything remains unseen
And a whole life
Can be faked
You think you’re talking to a marine
Out on some government mission
But really it’s a twelve year old boy
Using you for his ***** emission
It’s a trap and a trick
To get lovesick
Over someone you can’t really know
But somehow it happens
Over and over again
To Heartbreak Hotel
We go

You worship for the reward
When it should be solely
Appreciation
“Thanks for everything
God
But you owe me extra
Because I have worshipped you
Nobody worships perfectly
But for my imperfect worship
You owe me”

He ain’t fresh out the box
Nicks, scratches, scars
Most invisible
He got his demons
Inner vibe ****
He ain’t as up as he seems
Wearing his mask of other mens’ dreams
Why ain’t it perfect, though?
The answers to everything he wanted to know
Sure put on a lovely show
But there’s more
In store
Fireworks galore
To the man who just wants to
Chill indoors