Some people have a need to look down
It could be one of a hundred reasons
Every one of them true
But they got a skew in their view
They don’t even know you
The best thing to do
Is let them pump and postulate
Ego boost and self *******
Then you smile and say “have a nice day”
Thinking “thank goodness I can walk away”

How does one go about mourning
The loss of something they never had?
This must be what motivates
The villains to turn bad
When what could maybe be
Has really
Always been

Never will happen

One can let it smolder and burn to ash
Or kick that “ain’t gonna happen”
Out on it’s ***
I’m the type to be
Foolish and brash
Particularly when I run out of gas
I thought it was solar powered
But it’s not renewable
It turns out
However
To be entirely screwable
And now it’s in so tight
The head has disappeared
But the mark that it left
Will be there for years

There is nothing wrong with it
But it could be more right
With the right One
Right is rare
When it comes to romance
At least for me
I envy those who have it
It is what I yearn for
A partner
So rare
Yet people find their partners all the time
It is Magic I cannot control
Even when I blatantly try
I have my One
Out of reach
Shooting way beyond my station
I suspect someone will come along
Who captures my attention
Which, admittedly, is not a
Hott commodity
No one around is romancing me
Yet I am haughty enough to believe
My attention is priceless
The realest thing you can give to a person is
Attention
Priceless Attention

You are put to good use
I’ve lost count of all
The nuts I’ve busted
With you as the muse
As far as nut busting goes
You, sir, are a pro
Even when you do not know
You are the best
******* mascot  
It’s pretty cool to be so great
At something in which
You don’t participate

It's drama
And you're holding on to it
Because that's
What you feel
You have to offer
If they're not talking about
Your latest meltdown
They're not talking about
You
At all
And you're not responsible for your
Behavior
Anyways
Because you can't control
Your inability to deal
Or at least that's how you've
Conditioned yourself
To feel

It could have been
Spectacular
If you were just a little bit more
Everything
I see the potential
** hum, yet steady
I’ve never once seen
A sincere smile on your face
I need sincere smiles
You think I should have a better reason
I think I don’t need a reason
You simply just don’t take me there
And I have no desire to help you find it
When you pretend to know
Exactly where it is
Maybe you’re there
And I cannot recognize it
Maybe the fool is me
In any event
You and I are not meant to be

You punish me
Unintentionally
Make me believe you do not care to see
Me
Allow me to walk down this path
Alone
Won’t even throw me a **** bone
Letting me wonder what do you see
Or if you even notice me
Effort and honesty
I present to thee
And you present to me
Empty
I do not know what to perceive
Am I getting on your nerves?
Do you wish I would just leave?
Stop stirring things up unnecessarily?
Throwing flailing, foul curves?
Taking you through uncomfortable swerves
I set myself up for this punishment
So now I can’t complain
But here I am
*******
And I probably will be
Again

I can’t blame him for avoiding a potential train wreck
Or staying far out of it’s way
Uninvolvement completely
Why cross rattling tracks
When you weren’t even going that way?

It was my fault
Really
I tried to blame you
For pretending not to see
But I should have known
Your disinterest was a “no”
I had every reason to go
Just like I do now
Yet here I am
With five encores
And twelve final bows
As a means of explanation
To nobody else but me
Trying to understand
Why I held on so pitifully
I must have gotten something from it
It healed something to some degree
I chained myself to a dream
And now I call myself free
But here I still stay
Tethered to thee

Halfway
Is average
Far enough
But nobody knows
Where they are
On their
Path
Death could come
Anytime
Anyway
And take halfway to
Finish
In the course of just one day

You turn me on
With your mind
Beautiful to look at
As you are
Your appearance is
The second sexiest thing
You got
You beautiful, beautiful
Man
Smoking ******* hott
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

If I were to go away
Would you wish I’d stayed?
It doesn’t matter, anyway
I’d come back, anyday

Arguing over the internet
Futile, probably
Frustrating, surely
But occasionally
There is a hugely satisfying victory
All the better
There in writing
For everyone to see
One would assume
People want to avoid drama
Naturally
But that’s not the case
For some who are so lonely
And inept at being friendly
So they create controversy
Just to interact with humanity
The natural reaction is to get angry
But really
We should feel sorry
Through the curtain of *******
The hurt person inside is hard to see

I saw your poem about how you hadn’t posted in a while
Because you were waiting until you wrote something worthwhile
And I wanted to tell you
Something that’s true
Or, at least, it’s true for me
Of all the critics in the world there could possibly be
I am the WORST critic of my own poetry
I’ll think something is great
And it just sits there, ignored, in unloved fate
While the stuff I just put up because it was there,
Corny and ugly and reader beware
Seems to be my work to which people respond
There’s really no way to tell
Which of your poems will hit who and how many
So put them up!
And put them up plenty
Give us torrents
Give yourself the release
Share all that beautiful poetry
And don’t stress yourself over what you think people want to see
The worst they can do is ignore it
But that happens to everybody

We like to blame
Parents
The system
It’s all the same
It would be a pretty safe bet
There’s a break you didn’t get
You don’t dwell
But I can tell
You feel it in your very shell
Woulda, coulda, shoulda been
The chance that went to other men
Some wasted it
Some made it great
You’ll never know
What you woulda made
Of a better fate

Every time I think of you
I send good vibes your way
Purposefully
A bunch of times each day
It is my silent gift
You may not even get
But some
You receive
I’ll bet

Success is simply
Passing it on
Whatever it is

It might be that
He is too big for me
With
All of that pure energy
And beautiful personality
But I am a woman
Mired in greed
Aspirations bigger than
My ability
I’d rise, though
And grow
To be
Better than I could have believed
And I’ll still do that
Anyway
Regardless of what
He takes or leaves

Sometimes it is a curse
To be a blessing

As far as comfort zones go
I fluctuate between gagging on a hot dog
Or a cool breeze
Sometimes very hot
Depending upon
Which air I got

Begging wouldn’t help
But I would
If it would
I have gotten on my knees
Prayerful pleads
With only myself to see
Myself begging on my knees
I am proud of me
Usually
Even when I’m on my knees
And maybe
Especially

I look at the door
Hopefully
Every time
A shadow appears

Awaiting your entrance
Breathlessly
Your appearance is
A sunrise to me
A more beautiful sight
I never did see

Hemming and hawing
Braying and cawing
Practically bawling
Begging for you
And this inept
Grab at a slice of attention
That never comes
Is all this dummy can do

You carry your pain settled in your bones
I wish and pray you could let that **** go
Those demons
Are merely now almost conquered figments
You’re past it
You have almost won
Drop them
Set yourself free
That surely sounds like winning to me

The high balcony
Far enough away for me to be
Anonymously
Lady teaching toddler about sidewalks
So beautiful to see

Happy Sunday to my soul
Today I wish to grow
I hope to be
A better me
This I pray for
Everybody

Here we gather
Purveyors of angst and bliss
Speak of us how you wish
The long haired, freaky people
Have found their home
Here we gather
Prepare to roam

The problem with you
Still got that same attitude
You had at sixteen
You’re a man living in between
Incorrigible to some imaginary
Enemy
When will you see
It’s within thee?

He thought he forgot
How she thought
But it was more true
That he never knew

Self sabotage
When it’s happening
Feels perfectly justified
Something inside
Gets fried
Maybe from too much pain
Pretending to feel sane
And having no right to complain
Brings about exhausted brain
Frustration, and even pain
Longing isn’t a happy place
Stepping and stepping every day
Yet no closer  to winning any race
No rewards
And this leads to self sabotage

He’s out of my league
By a hundred and twenty degrees
And all that really means
Is I can say my heart’s truth
Consequence free
I’m a perpetual youth
Holding a “Tiger Beat” magazine
Constant centerfold is he
Photographs speaking to me
Silently

Sometimes I come here with nothing to say
And try to say nothing
Eloquently

I hope to fall head over heels
It seems so unlikely
To find a fit perfectly
But that’s what he would have to be
They say there’s a match for everybody
But it’s not a guarantee we’ll meet
If we do, I’ll be ready
And to be my match
So will he

One of us
Owes the other
An apology
The guilty party
Is me
But I twist it to such a degree
I truly believe
I had a good reason to…
Shut up
Self
That’s the ego in me
Feeding me
Stupidity
*******, ignorant foolish, moronic
Bad decision to the speed of sonic
BOOM
Set fire to
The entire
ROOM
But I don’t back out gracefully
Like I should do
Instead
I play a hundred tunes
About fire and heat and burning alive
There I go, spilling out jive
As if that could possibly
Put out a fire

Step one
From hundreds of miles away
Not even sure if I’ll get there someday

I’ve noticed I talk about lollipops a lot
In my poetry
Mostly when I’m talking about a man who is special to me
For some reason
I can’t figure out
It must be his sweetness that reminds me about
Those tasty delights, sticky and wet
He reminds me of a lollipop
But I haven’t figured out why, yet

Cryin' on the corner, waitin' in the rain
I swear I'll never, ever wait again
You gave me your word but words for you are lies
… Darlin' in my wildest dreams, I never thought I'd go
But it's time to let you know, oh
… I'm gonna harden my heart
I'm gonna swallow my tears
I'm gonna turn and leave you here
… All of my life I've been waitin' in the rain
I've been waiting for a feeling that never, ever came
It feels so close, but always disappears
… Darlin', in your wildest dreams, you never had a clue
But it's time you got the news
… I'm gonna harden my heart
I'm gonna swallow my tears
I'm gonna turn and leave you here
… Darlin' in my wildest dreams, I never thought I'd go
But it's time to let you know, oh
I'm gonna harden my heart
I'm gonna swallow my tears
I'm gonna turn and leave you here

"I see the stars in your eyes"
That's what you said to me
I just can't be impressed
With your uncreativity
I get you want to toss a line
Since we are far from shore
But I can't help but figure
You've used that line before

You came for a while
Sat on my shoulder
Enrapturing to my eye
I wanted to keep you nearby
But it’s wrong to rip the wings from a butterfly 🦋

It was the direction
I was once heading
But now I’ve veered off course
Not sure where I’m going
But it can’t be any worse

He doesn’t exist
Who I think you be
And though I know that
It is irrelevant to me
I see what I see
Inside your eyes
Infinite possibilities
A gentle soul
Looking for me

I tend to set my sights high
Impossibly so, really
Go big or don’t bother
Sounds reasonable to me
You are part of all that
You’re probably out of my league
I could try to deny it
But it’s pretty easy to see
Well hey
No harm
No foul
It’s just a little thing that ends up to be
Of no bother to you
And
A whole lot of ***** poetry

I come back here
To the written word
It brings me to clarity
That I can revisit
Frequently

Bonafide nutcases
Explaining their thoughts
Maybe confusion
Maybe clarity
Depending upon
What one receives

You won’t find the same me ever again
I have grown since then

I want to know me
But how can that be?
My mind is my only knowing tool
And it is capable of delusion
I want to believe
I’m good and trustworthy
But my eyes see
Grey areas and excuses
Slanted favorably
Towards me

I wrote two poems about how much I missed you
And you’ve only been gone for a day
I posted
Reconsidered
Deleted
I was scared to come off that way
I didn’t want to appear needy
Or make you feel you couldn’t go away
Too much overthinking
Or maybe too much truth
I have to admit to myself
That I need you
And now, I’m here
Admitting it
To you
I feel your absence right into my chest
Awaiting you with bated breath
And I deleted those poems
I was too shy to show
And I thought to myself
If I’m scared to tell you
It’s probably something you should know
So this is the new,  undeleted poem
Putting my weakness for you
Right on show

You walked in
The room got smaller
You fill up every corner
Presence
You might as well have been wearing
A cowboy hat
With all that swagger
No high horse in sight
But a noble steed
Indeed

Walking away
Ain’t a hard feeling in play
At least in me
Maybe I called you out too familiarly
Truth being
If I was you
I wouldn’t like me
I behaved aggressively
Assuming an almost intimacy
It wouldn’t a worked if it was done to me

Clarity
A gift not often
Gladly received
Or given easily
I could write a poem about it
But I’m still stuck in the weeds