You walked in
The room got smaller
You fill up every corner
Presence
You might as well have been wearing
A cowboy hat
With all that swagger
No high horse in sight
But a noble steed
Indeed

Walking away
Ain’t a hard feeling in play
At least in me
Maybe I called you out too familiarly
Truth being
If I was you
I wouldn’t like me
I behaved aggressively
Assuming an almost intimacy
It wouldn’t a worked if it was done to me

Are you responsible for the version
of you I imagine you are
Or is that all my fault
What did you do to make me idolize you
These aren’t really questions
Because they have no answers
The spark comes
Not on purpose
Especially not to me
But here I be
I’m a hanger on
A weight
Upon something towards you
A burden
Could be
Pushing myself
Relentlessly
You’ve done nothing to encourage me
And me feeling full of myself
Like maybe something could be

Too much said already

It’s not self sabotage
When it was already destined to fail
Could’ve held on
I suppose
But nobody knows
How long one must wait
After putting it out there
Self agitate
Burning, yet wet
Unlikely bets
The dealer ignoring
My cards on the table
And I laid them out there
The best I was able
Avoiding my gaze
Not a worthy bet
But that’s what one dealer said
There gotta be a table for me
I just haven’t found it yet
I gotta learn how to stack that deck

Maybe it’s not so grim
As it seems to you
But being the one
With bad luck
Is really hard to do
******* body
******* mind
Wondering what you did
To deserve this ****** time.

I hope I have been a blessing to you
But I could have been a burden, too
Maybe a little of both
I must’ve said something that made you
Choke
But you still got air
And you ain’t broke
I hope you’re better off somehow
Since I been coming around
You’re the silent type
Don’t show any clues
But what you keep in your hand
Screams silently
As loud as a silent scream can be
Everyone hears it
Except me

The swimming pool that’s only two feet deep
The alarm clock going off when you just fell asleep
The shower with only five minutes of hot water
Desperate for a son, but you get a daughter
The beautiful flower that smells like ****
The fly that just landed in your soup
The day at the beach when it starts to rain
Your beautiful white dress that just got a stain
A bunch of sand on your fingers with your nails still wet
Losing what you were positive was a sure bet
A scratch across your brand new glasses
A highway that doesn’t allow any passes
A baseball game with excessive delays
A guy who tells you he loves you and disappears for days
A fan that only blows hot air
Just sitting down someone takes your chair
A nice stack of pancakes
But you ran out of syrup
Meeting a cute guy just when you burp
Gum on the rug
No rain for your ark
An uninterested shrug
A day that is dark
A weekend you have to work overtime
When your pants won’t zip up and your shoes won’t shine
Boring as traffic when you went for a good time
Trying to keep up, but falling behind
Finding the bathroom you NEED, but with a long line
A date without any wine or dine
Just saying hello, and now saying goodbye
A **** disappointment
But everything’s fine
I’m heading over to the back of the line
I’ll catch you on the flip side
I can see what I would have had in store
I don’t have the confidence to be ignored
I’m also lacking patience too
But it was wonderful
While it lasted
Knowing you
Thank you for that
And I mean it
You beautiful, beautiful man

I just found a treasure
Still in the field
Playing in sunshine gentle rays
I could pick it up
However
Who is to say
The field might be where treasures
Wish to stay

People will have something to say
However you do it, any way
If you stay quiet
Or have a lot to say
Whether you wake up late at night
Or early in the day
Whether you spectate
Or whether you play
Whether you’re straight
Or whether you’re gay
Whether you say
Yay or nay
Whether your an atheist
Or if you pray
Whether you’re black
Or white or gray
On your nerves
It’s gonna fray
If you bother with what
Other people say

I’ve been well loved by many
But I’ve been well hated too
With the right smarmy attitude
The haters can bring the best out of you
Thank you to all those *******
Wishing sadness, talking ****
Without the motivation
To prove you wrong
I surely couldn’t have accomplished
Half of it

Sometimes it’s almost subconscious
My attention goes to you first
I pretend I don’t notice
The warm in my skin
Over anything you’re in
I think you try to impress me
Or maybe somebody like me
I can tell what you’re looking for
And it’s something I think I might already be

Young me and young you
Looking at your dad’s
***** mags

Pictures of oral ***
We both said “EW!”
EMPHATICALLY
“That’s something I will never do”
Call it rich or call it cheap
There’s a word I didn’t keep

When I’m feelin’ cocky
I think of your ****
And even call it a ****
Most other men have a ****
(Some got a little *****)
But yours is a ****
I’m gonna get it hard as a rock
And ride that hammer around the block
Leave your *** in shock
And you’ll be on lock
….
****, just thinking about it….
Hot and flustered and blushed and  brash
Excuse me, for now
Gotta go…. um…take a bath

True genius
Seems to be
Annoying
People get overplayed
Especially the best
Become a cheap joke of themselves
Being best
Lends itself to characatarichsaurs
An ancient, magic mirror curse

I want to bring you discomfort
I want you to feel smothered by the cocoon
You have gotten so used to
It is there gagging you
The butterfly
Refusing to break through
Such is the curse
Of comfortable cocoons
Yet
It’s been so many moons
Your ideas
Breaking through
You simply cannot help it, Boo
That **** cocoon cannot hold you

The seven dwarfs
Disney cut
Were unsuccessful in their lawsuit
Against him
Scratchy
Dummy
Stinky
*****
*****
Hairy
And Fattie
Never recovered from Disney’s burn

I mourn for what we will never have
And things that might have been
If I could go back with what I know now
And do it all again
I would find you, then
If that impossibility was
Something I could achieve
You’d be the first person
I would go to see

I almost feel sorry for you
Sitting over there
Trying so hard to be offensive
And don’t nobody care
It must be thoroughly frustrating
To be ignored
When using every trigger word
Trolling, trolling, vigorously
Screaming “somebody PLEASE notice me!”
And still, nobody bothers to see
Your frustration displayed so angrily
Go back in the basement and shut the door
Cry for ya mummy til your lungs are sore
But whatever you do
WHATEVER you do
Don’t come round here bothering me no more

I got something to say to you
…
Forget it
What’s the use?

I’m not the nothing
But I ain’t the something
Either
What is that?
Not nothing and not something
Maybe that’s really everybody
All us nomethings
Wandering around
Aimlessly

I wanna work you twice over
Sweaty and dirt
Roll around in the hay
But just as importantly
I wanna do all the things that will lead us that way
This ain’t gonna be
A one night stand
Shoot
You ain’t gonna stand when you’re flat on your back
And who knows how many nights we’ll do that

The numbers are sparse
Nobody here is
Searching accolades
Maybe the search is within
By putting our poems without
Sometimes you can’t see something right
Til you put it to another’s eyes
That must be what the search is for
In art and poetry
I’m putting all this out there
In a search for me

Winning, and losing
Wanting, and choosing
What it be
Maybe we see
Already

Wishes are free
And from what I can see
Pretty empty
But it’s not over, yet
We shall see

I wanna ******* so right
Your bones realign

Let me order your chaos
And disrupt your still
Let me be your evil queen
Poison apples
Of red and green
Death so serene
It will feel like a dream
I say all that
But it’s no horror scene
I’m not as dangerous
As I seem

Cut off
Your loss

She is pock marked, scarred
And alienated
So misunderstood
Often, celebrated for her beauty
Scars ignored
Crater pimple face
Injuries
Spotlighted
Unforgiving
It’s like staring at the fattest person in the room
And celebrating the rolls
If only we human beings
Could see other people
And ourselves
With the same loving bias
With which we view the moon

We are one
Within these words
The spell of poetry
The best I can do
When we are really two

You will feel my absence
Musing wondering
How does she be?
And then you will come looking for me
Whether or not
I can see you
You will want to know
What I am up to
And maybe one day
You’ll appear again
And we can be friends

I’m delusional enough to believe
It wasn’t me he decided to leave
At least not because of me
I tell myself
He was scared
Or too busy
What ever fairy tale
That allows me to still believe

The only thing worse than being ignored
Is negative recognition
When people who don’t like you
Go overboard
In hating , **** talking, and dissing
Most of the times
It’s in whispers
And everyone loves to listen
Negativity seems to be
More popular than things that are sweet
I suppose loving the drama and rotting  meat
Is part of being a human being

Rock my brain
******
Of the main vein
Give me tingles
Make me wish I was there
Connection via thin air
Through your poetry
You can bring you along
And I will bring me
It’s magic, really
Connection via poetry
I give you the power
To do that to me
Oh so willingly

Now that you’re on my radar
You are suddenly
EVERYWHERE
That guy has your name
That guy has your frame
And that other guy has your ****** hair
I’m currently being haunted
By all these reminders of you
You’re practically omnipresent
Like no mere mortal should be able to do

I don’t know if I’m a blessing disguised as a wreck
Or just a wreck
I haven’t figured myself out, yet

He gives me a sip
From which I produce a flood
Run dry soon
And parched
Waiting for rain
Again
I suppose the dry times would be worse
If he knew how much I thirst

What do you feel
When you think of me?
Am I a responsibility?
You seem kind
Not the type of guy
Who wouldn’t take me seriously
Or play around with what you don’t mean
I know you have respect for me
But you give that to anybody
Which is probably why I feel so free
To leave my heart entrust to thee

They say “never settle”
What a privilege it must be
To think so optimistically
Should one aspire towards
The best
Who isn’t interested in me
Do I chase forever desperately
Solitarily
The one
Who will never settle for me?

My mistakes
Aplenty
Exist because of me
Behaving foolishly
Some I’ve managed to rectify
Most don’t have that possibility
Time will not reverse itself
And I cannot make it not a part of me
I have no defense for my stupidity
Living in the memory
Of those I’ve wronged
Including myself
This faulted, ugly mess
And so what if I confess
Years after it’s relevant
Maybe if I learn from it
A mistake is
Somehow
More innocent

He must be on some secret mission
Saving democracy
Or maybe he’s climbing Mount Everest
To fulfill some childhood wacky dream
Maybe he’s performing ritual sacrifice
On a spiritual journey
Maybe he got hit by a truck
Or otherwise just ran out of his luck
All of these things I pretend it could be
And I’m over here avoiding reality
He ghosted me

It's the mundane
That causes so much pain

Sometimes I dwell and berate myself
Over details that should remain on
The shelf
Why did she say that?
What did he mean?
Who are these people?
They are nothing to me!
Yet I work myself over
Replaying the scene
Figuring on what might have been
I think maybe it might be everyone's
Fate
To have the perfect comeback
An hour too late

I think of you
And what you may be going through
I think of you
And send my love
Though  I am not one of His followers
I am asking your God for help from above
It’s gotta be an extra special prayer
If I take myself to go there
Praying to your God
Do I even dare?
Yes, I do
Because I care about you
And I’d do anything
To help you get through
So I say “Dear God,”
And I say “Amen,” too

I think it’s probably running dry
When no one else has caught my eye
Directionless
As far as romance goes
Hope the next way I roam
Isn’t destined to remain
Never a home

I brought it down in flames
Purposely
But there’s only so long
A pilot can circle
Before they become
Kamikaze
Blew it up on a cliff
Spectacularly
But that’s what happens
At the death of a dream

How can it be
You have this invisible hold on me?
Unrealistic insanity
Willingly
By me
It’s not unhealthy
Nor ugly
Or something that needs to be feared
But obviously
It’s kind of weird

I’ve invited myself in
To an imagination *******
Gonna get me sum
And give it my best
In the beautiful man fest
I’ve created just for me
Imaginarily
I go as far as it can
In every fantasy

It’s done and through
And I am grateful for you

Hard way learner
Back burner
Is where I seem to stay
Not one compliment
He will pay
Despite the nice things I always say
Maybe I should rearrange
Tactics, goals, or honesty
Cannot figure out
How to get him to notice me
Losing battles fought for love
Are still lost
At whatever cost
No silver-lined cloud
I just said all that **** out loud
Right in front of the crowd
Everyone with the ability to hear
Turning to me their deaf ear
Maybe the fault is with me
Babbling on uncomfortably
While I think I’m being unique and sweet
I cannot tell the perception of me
But it’s all I can be
Just me
Who no one hears and no one sees

Don’t choose me
If you have to choose
I’m going to be
With one
Who cannot help
But be
With me