I tried writing you a birthday poem
(This is draft 22)
I put lots of heart and soul in
But none of them will do
I wish I had more skill
Better vocabulary
You deserve a masterpiece
To honor you perfectly
But instead
You get a poem from me
Happy birthday, Mister
I hope it’s filled with love
Overflowed with joy
And blessings from above
I wish for you perfect contentment
As sublime as you can be
I hope you find something you’ve been searching for
And it is completely free
I wish for you a day
Filled with blessings all along the way
Peace within your soul
Capture of some long-held goal
Knowledge of something
You’ve always wanted to know
Highest high achieved drug free
At least one moment where you say
FINALLY!  
I hope you hear a voice
You’ve been missing for a while
I hope the one you love the most
Gives you the biggest smile
I hope you stay up just late enough
To celebrate your favorite stuff
And when you’re ready to
You drift into a perfect sleep
And your favorite dream
Spends the night with you
I hope you have
Your happiest birthday
Boo

I cannot possibly be
The only one writing you poetry
You’re so **** inspiring
Beautiful too
Not much in this world
More poetic than you

I’m runnin’ this wagon off the road
Horses need to rest
Ya know
Been galloping full speed
As long as they could
And it didn’t do any good
The desert vast
I’m full of thirst
And off this endless road to nowhere
Can’t be any worse

The weary soul on music
Is not so tired

You’re not not there
You got there long ago
But now your eyes have focused
Upon the horizon
There it is
Between you
And resistant distance
Not not achievable
You’re not trying to grow wings
But to grow your soul
Into undeniable
To even yourself
Evolve
Enhance
From “there.”
There is no rule
That one person cannot
Accomplish
Two impossible things
There is always
Not here

I got some razzle
Zero dazzle
What am I supposed to do with that?

It hurts to be missing out on you
It hurts me that you’re missing out on me
Too
I did all I could do
I’m happy that it doesn’t hurt you
I wish for you
A new sun that’s blue
To bring joy and joy and joy to you

How flighty is the memory?
Some things we forget
Immediately
“Did I say I’d help you move?
Oh no; I forgot
I’m so sorry”
Other things, though
Stay in our minds
So long
Until the end of your time
That girl who talked crap
When you were eleven
You’ll be remembering her
When you’re in Heaven
But when hubby tells  you
“Wow, you look great”
That memory won’t even last the day
We’re a flighty  bunch
We human beings
Selective with our memories

I don’t want to brag
Especially in the
Company
Of so many who are wonderful at poetry
But you can search far, wide, cold places,
And hot
And you won’t find a better muse
Than the one I got  
My poetry isn’t really good enough for him
He deserves Maya Angelou
Someone good enough to be known
So the entire world can see
Just how perfect a muse/poet team can be
That incredible human being
Who should be praised
Throughout history
Surely deserves a better poet than me

C’mon Baby
Bring me there
You know where
On the journey from
Your mind
To mine
And maybe back again
Created with a pen
And then it takes me back
A thousand times again
Begging for attention
Never enough
There will ever be
You are like a drug to me

Maybe it will never be
Between you and me
I can’t let go of the fantasy
Until you set me free
I realize it’s not fair
To put the burden on you
A girl shows up from nowhere
And won’t let go until you do
You ignore, and it will continue
And I come back and play a fool
I been hoping and praying
For someone to make me forget about you
And that’s where we’re at now
But not really
There is no “we”
It’s only me
Talking to myself
In front of everybody
Wondering if you even see
I don’t know what would be
More disappointing for me
If you have no idea I’m here
Or if you actively
Ignore me

I was born in Massachusetts
But you put the Boston in me
Adventures by land and by sea
You’ve been gone a while
But the Boston in me
Will always be

Maybe he’ll be back again
Could be soon
Don’t know when
Probably it will be
Some time before he
Isn’t disgusted with me
Deservedly
When I open mouth and stick in feet
Foolishly
I’d like to make him believe
I didn’t say it seriously
But I dislike dishonesty
And at that time
I meant what I said
And frankly I still do
But I should have kept it to myself
This ******* don’t think things through
Fickle and faulted
And dented and dumb
Practically numb
It’s no big surprise
He don’t want him some

Even more maddening than the hateful
**** talker
Is the one who feigns concern
Call up your family and friends
And then proceed to pretend
They’re just looking out for you
Over some made up thing
They claim you do
Spread the lie all around
To anyone who will hear
They’re so worried you’re going down
Not accepting they’re already there

Everything to lose
Or everything to gain
The way things are now
You can’t complain
Why make a move
When you don’t have to?
So what’s this lovesick girl to do?
There’s no reason for you to come through
Blameless, beautiful, too good to be true
You
Maybe you feel you can’t measure up
To the vision I have of you
But isn’t that just another way
Of calling me a fool?
(And you know that isn’t true)
You definitely give me credit
You know I’m properly schooled
We could be cool
I know you feel it, Boo
Open the door
Let me walk through
Who knows where it goes?
Wherever that be
I feel that it’s something
You’d want to see
But maybe it ain’t
You can already tell
Or maybe a mix of the both
I promise you will not regret
Letting me get close
Plain and simple
I promise you will not regret
Letting me get close

What’s to be gained from baring one’s soul
And then
Who will want to see it?
It’s a heavy task
Soul bearing unasked
A chore done in layers
And yet
A labor of love
When what is laid bare
Is unique and rare
Yet as common as
Dirt
Golden dirt

I listen to the wind
Talking to me
Tales of places it’s been
Cheeks flushed
Sails pushed in a clutch
Skirts hoisted unabashed
Jackets opened
Chests aflashed
Windy days artistry
Monet from the sea
Bringing life to the leaves

I yearn
Painlessly
Yet maddeningly
Only for one
You’re my desire
I burn like the sun
I know you feel complimented
By how I cherish you
You don’t play with my emotions
Pretending to ignore me
Is what you do
As for my feelings
They will continue
And you’ll still pretend your feet do not move
To the
The dance without music
Between me and you

Wonderment at what’s on
The horizon
And the determination
To get there

You turned me on
On purpose
I know you knew
Exactly how to
Tingle and jingle
My insides
Giving me all those good lovin’ vibes
You started off ahead of the game
With all that **** confidence
So **** hard to resist
A man who knows he’s got good lovin’
To give
You spread it thin
But I’ll still be taking my hit
When you come around again

And that’s all I have to say about that.

Who knows what could be
The result of all this poetry
That he pretends he does not see

Loss
The greatest teacher of all
You can’t learn to walk
Without learning to fall
Nobody great
Scores every play
Success surely has a cost
Paid in advance through loss

Church
How many souls are here only to be seen
Dressed up in their best
Social events
Where everybody agrees
Who among the crowd
Would dress humbly
In a plain frock
Like Jesus would be?
Those who came to see
And those who came to be seen

My ten year old grandson
The scientist
Doesn't eat like me or you
Since he has informed me
He infuses salt into his food
I told him I thinkle
We all just sprinkle

Something will come
Maybe
A new string of words
I didn’t already say
A genius thing
That brings you towards my way
And I come back
All the time
Trying to get to that day
Even if it takes till never
Apparently

I’m not your one
It is, and has been clear and plain
To see
Everyone else probably saw it
Except me
It took me so long
To let go of a distorted dream
I’m not the one for you
So obviously
You’re not the one for me

This mission
A mere 18 words
Survival is finishing
Winning is finishing early

I am a wanderer
In my soul
Curse or blessing
It may be
Some people are steady
Not me
Yet
My Home is out there
Somewhere
I’ll bet
I just hope I find it
Before my time has set

You are a writer of beautiful
Vampire ****
I wouldn’t have previously thought
Vampire **** could be beautiful
But vampires are deep
And surprisingly subtle
Edgy yes
But also smooth
Who woulda thought
Vampires could be so **** cool

I don’t say
Today
What I almost say
Used to be a day
I would’ve

There he goes
Looking all fine
Natural and easy
Wearing that beautiful smile
There ain’t no gum or no patch
No anonymous meetings
Either
He’s a dream weaver
This is gonna have to be a cold turkey
Quit
How long will it take me to get over it?

…….
                  …….  


     …..

                                    ..


      ..


                                           .
And that’s all I have to say about that.

What do I do with all my time now
When I used to spend all my time
Thinking of you?
It’s not something that can be worked
Through
So I’ve got to get used to un-youing
You
Clearly not an easy task to do

Disagreeing
The only clear way to not agree
But such an annoyance to do
Caught up in random crew
By accidentally
Forgetting to disagree
It’s an art
To do

You ain’t gonna listen
But leaving someone to continue
Upon a hopeless mission
Like this one

Not so fun
For me
At least
You must have got something
From it
It would have been easy to set me free
You chose to leave me outside
On the leash
Chained to a fantasy
And stay there
I would have always
But these **** opposable thumbs
Couldn’t agree

It all came so easy for you
There were no hoops you had to jump through
Now you sit atop that lofty post
Judging those who need understanding the most
You silly fool
You’ll pay your dues, too
Some day your payment will become due
And when that happens
We all know what you’ll do
You’ll act like a victim
And cry a lot, too
Claiming that you don’t deserve to be *******
And you will finally
Understand the blues

I’m sorry lady
You’re so angry
That you cannot make me agree
Your imaginary
Take on the situation
Is how it really be
You are certainly free
To believe what you
Think you can see
But the mirage in your mind
Has nothing to do with me

It used to be
We wore masks
Whenever we went outside
Pretending was the norm
In the natural light
But in our own homes
We showed an honest sight
Then comes internet
Social media highway
Now we live amid the farce of
Fake communique
Cook a five course meal
Just to take a pic
Who cares if the chicken went bad
And got the whole family sick?  
Did it look appealing
On your Facebook feed?
Taste is less important
It’s the photo that you need

I happen to be
A good witch
Bogged down by all that stupid morality
So I can’t make you fall for me
But oh how I wish
A bad witch
I could be
But then again
A forced connection
Isn’t for me
If I ever wind up meeting you
As charmed as it will probably be
I’ll have to find a way to
To make it happen
Magiclessly
It’s a ******, you see
Can use my gifts
To benefit anyone
But me

And so it begins
The social media
Farce fake friendship
Between
Myself and a relative
Who cannot agree
On ANYTHING
Aside from the fact
We both pretend
With great patience and tact
We don’t dislike each other
Immensely
The problem is her
But also me
We just grate against each other
Painfully
But that is kept privately
And we smile
And put on the fake friendship show
In front of everybody

I’m not really a poet
I cannot write ten lines about a blade of grass
Well, maybe I could
But why would
I want to do that?  
Poets love words so much
They use too much
I prefer to conserve
But
Wait a minute!
Maybe I am
Really a poet
Choosing to express myself through words
However I do it
Too big or too small
However it be
Maybe I am a poet, after all

Some people have a need to look down
It could be one of a hundred reasons
Every one of them true
But they got a skew in their view
They don’t even know you
The best thing to do
Is let them pump and postulate
Ego boost and self *******
Then you smile and say “have a nice day”
Thinking “thank goodness I can walk away”

The circus comes to town
And sometimes right to you
No matter what you do
The circus will pass through
Relying upon it
Not smart to do
Unless you wanna let
The circus consume you

It's drama
And you're holding on to it
Because that's
What you feel
You have to offer
If they're not talking about
Your latest meltdown
They're not talking about
You
At all
And you're not responsible for your
Behavior
Anyways
Because you can't control
Your inability to deal
Or at least that's how you've
Conditioned yourself
To feel

The rarity I’m trying to find
The special one
Who’s soul fits mine
One of a kind
So hard to find

It could have been
Spectacular
If you were just a little bit more
Everything
I see the potential
** hum, yet steady
I’ve never once seen
A sincere smile on your face
I need sincere smiles
You think I should have a better reason
I think I don’t need a reason
You simply just don’t take me there
And I have no desire to help you find it
When you pretend to know
Exactly where it is
Maybe you’re there
And I cannot recognize it
Maybe the fool is me
In any event
You and I are not meant to be

What in the actual f!@k
Has happened to this country?
How can one single
Dumb human
Cause so much strife and disharmony?
I suppose this trouble’s been brewing
For nearly an eternity
But to bring it around
For some unfunny clown
Is an embarrassment, globally

She was a demon
Full of sins
According to those who go by the book
But that witchy woman
Was a saint
To people who knew how to look

My guy won’t be the type to ever say
“I’ll die for you.”  
He will say, “I’ll get us both through.”