I don’t know if I’m a blessing disguised as a wreck
Or just a wreck
I haven’t figured myself out, yet

I stood there
Looking at him
Adoringly
For faaaaaaar toooooo looooong
And then caught a big attitude
With him
Because he didn’t tell me to leave

Giving in is not giving up

Twisted mind games
Don’t age well
In text
Used to be the users and losers
Got lost
In undocumented abyss
And now
There’s the flood of proof
Often swimming with tides of
Same stories
Realizing similarities
In so many other bodies
A relief and yet a curse
Your pain becomes irrelevant
Against so many others
Who have had it worse
Twisted mind games
Commonly unique
Sounds all too common
From anyone who speaks
Some went on for far too long
Others got out quick
But most of us
Have been burdened
With loving something sick

My story is ugly
No matter how much glitter I apply

I know I ain’t really gonna leave
When I stand up and give a big speech
About all the gripes that push me to go
I  got a whole list to show
Carefully penned
With shaking hands
So much for all my plans
I planned to stay
Then planned to go
Ignoring the truth that I  know
Whether I go
Or whether I stay
It makes no difference
Either way
To you
That’s true
So I stand in the yard
Where you leave me
While you pretend not to be home
And somehow that’s almost enough
I ain’t so tough
And I ain’t so cool
I ain’t got the status to set any rules
None of it went according
To plan
This must be what erectile dysfunction
Feels like to a man

If I wasn’t angry
I’d be wishing you a happy birthday
But since I’ve got an attitude
With you
(For good reason, too)
I will not be wishing you a happy birthday
This is not me hoping you’re having a
Wonderful day
Lots of joy and happiness all in your way
I didn’t come here to say
I hope you have a happy birthday
In fact
I forgot all about it
What day is it today?
Probably not your birthday
Which is why I am not here
Shhhhhh
That wasn’t even me

I brought it down in flames
Purposely
But there’s only so long
A pilot can circle
Before they become
Kamikaze
Blew it up on a cliff
Spectacularly
But that’s what happens
At the death of a dream

Everyone loves the writers
Support them all you can
Yet in cities
Trash will pile up
Before we support the garbage man

Some people have a need to look down
It could be one of a hundred reasons
Every one of them true
But they got a skew in their view
They don’t even know you
The best thing to do
Is let them pump and postulate
Ego boost and self *******
Then you smile and say “have a nice day”
Thinking “thank goodness I can walk away”

Yep we can all agree
Mean people ****
You’ll get no argument from me
But maybe you are the mean sucky one
Always complaining about what
Mean people’ve done
Your toxic vibe
Of searching out
Toxicity
Is just creating it
Needlessly
Now we witness
The persistent victim
Reverse victimize
To same result
But justified
Under the VICTIM
Mighty pen
Been humming that tune
Since I don’t know when

What will I do
When I no longer lust after you?  
Am I supposed to find somebody new?
I’m sure it’s something I could do
If I had to

There is no prince upon a steed
Galloping here to rescue me
No Hobbit fulfilling a destiny
Riding high upon a walking tree
If I wanna find a hero
I’ll have to find her in me

You carry your pain settled in your bones
I wish and pray you could let that **** go
Those demons
Are merely now almost conquered figments
You’re past it
You have almost won
Drop them
Set yourself free
That surely sounds like winning to me

My neighbors’ have a pug
With it’s little, invisible poo 💩
I can search with my eyes
And never find it
But it’s always picked up by my shoe
👟
💩

It was the direction
I was once heading
But now I’ve veered off course
Not sure where I’m going
But it can’t be any worse

I want to bring you discomfort
I want you to feel smothered by the cocoon
You have gotten so used to
It is there gagging you
The butterfly
Refusing to break through
Such is the curse
Of comfortable cocoons
Yet
It’s been so many moons
Your ideas
Breaking through
You simply cannot help it, Boo
That **** cocoon cannot hold you

How long does one have to boycott
The one they can’t stay away from?  
Is there some magic time limit
That will make him notice I’m gone?  
Or even that I was ever there?  
I had to try something different
To get somewhere
Out or in
Attention either way
Boot me out on my ***
Or tell me you want me to stay
His apathy
Painful to me
I suppose it’s really the boot
But I refuse to see his kicking foot
And knowing it’s happening does no good
I justify, give him excuses
And write all these poems
With the boos and the hooses
And hope at some point he chooses
To see me
And give me a shot
Or set me free
He’s not the only somebody
On this entire Earth for me
I know this, rationally
But he’s the only one I see
So I write him poetry
Which I no longer share with he
My art is inconsequential to him
Aching to me
I can’t seem to win
Unfortunately

Questions with no answers
Actions neither right or wrong
All different directions to the same place
Depending upon where you’re from
Trash and treasures
Perspectively
Either way
To you is me

She was searching out drama
And wanted to pretend
I did something to offend
Not sure why
But it would seem
She searched out a beef
With specifically me
And so she imagined it to be
I’d behaved offensively
And with a few twists on the real story
She created a fantasy
That she seemed to really believe
In which I apparently
Did her *****
And now she’s gone from my vicinity
No hard feelings on my part, really
Good luck to her, but stay the Hell away
From me

The demons
In your dreams
Only happen
When your dreams come true

Sometimes it’s smartest to pretend it didn’t exist
Dear  Lone Ranger
Don’t be a stranger

What do you feel
When you think of me?
Am I a responsibility?
You seem kind
Not the type of guy
Who wouldn’t take me seriously
Or play around with what you don’t mean
I know you have respect for me
But you give that to anybody
Which is probably why I feel so free
To leave my heart entrust to thee

Poetry evolving
Personally for me
Different places or spaces
Poetry comes with me
Differently
Happy place
Sad place
Where ever
Whoever
I may be
Poetry comes with me
Evolutionary

You witnessed it all
Til it turned to smoke
All the effort
Nothing gained
Lost is time, and maybe confidence
Only ashes remain
Along with this sooty stain
I have no right to complain
But here I do, anyway
All the liberties I take
You gave me none
For goodness sake

I go by your profile
Every once in a while
See the play
You want to portray
It's always so "you"
Everything that you do
Rehearsed in every way
One time you cried for our cameras
And you couldn't produce a whole tear
And I felt, at that moment
Watching you
That you were empty, my dear
I wish that I could fill you up
Bring back your emotions again
I'm not sure where they went
But it might take more than a friend
I suppose you would say you're happy
And things are good enough
But just cuz you got it better than most
Doesn't mean things don't get rough

T shirt
To
Winter coat
In the course of just one day
You must be in Massachusetts
We get down that way

Bonafide nutcases
Explaining their thoughts
Maybe confusion
Maybe clarity
Depending upon
What one receives

I wrote two poems about how much I missed you
And you’ve only been gone for a day
I posted
Reconsidered
Deleted
I was scared to come off that way
I didn’t want to appear needy
Or make you feel you couldn’t go away
Too much overthinking
Or maybe too much truth
I have to admit to myself
That I need you
And now, I’m here
Admitting it
To you
I feel your absence right into my chest
Awaiting you with bated breath
And I deleted those poems
I was too shy to show
And I thought to myself
If I’m scared to tell you
It’s probably something you should know
So this is the new,  undeleted poem
Putting my weakness for you
Right on show

It's the mundane
That causes so much pain

You will feel my absence
Musing wondering
How does she be?
And then you will come looking for me
Whether or not
I can see you
You will want to know
What I am up to
And maybe one day
You’ll appear again
And we can be friends

And here come all the corny memes
With a man sticking his *** in the air
For the turkey to stuff
And how happy all the cows are
They don’t have to die that day
And the buckle hats
And glorified image
Of a cult
That started their own demise
Show me the Puritan
Today
I’ve never met one
That is what I’m thankful for
This Thanksgiving

Endings aren’t happy at first
But after you’ve been through
What feels like the worst
Dark nights
And dark days, too
The sun will rise
And shine on you
The road had turned
Into a path
Smaller and smaller
Scooting on your ***
Covered in brambles
The plan is in shambles
And your flip broke away
From it’s flop
In bare feet you plod and trop
Still, you’re not gonna stop
Past the ending
Toward the new start
And this is the journey
With matters of the heart

I am the poet
Which makes me the queen
The Queen
Of this land I create
With my brain
With my words
This is my world
And nothing is left up to fate
And dontcha know it
Why not?
I'll make the sky green
Duly banish all creepy ****
And invite
The tastefully obscene
My world is full of things like that
Of which there is no clear line
But all worlds are like that
Too
And that's why this world's mine

Walking away
Ain’t a hard feeling in play
At least in me
Maybe I called you out too familiarly
Truth being
If I was you
I wouldn’t like me
I behaved aggressively
Assuming an almost intimacy
It wouldn’t a worked if it was done to me

You are like a window pain
All fogged up and wet from rain
You like to think you are see through
But you're hidden behind
That foggy view
You are not so crystal clear
You distort it all
My dear
Vapors clogging up the sight
Can't see between
What's wrong or right

He’s there,
Somewhere
The one for me
It is certainly true
Whoever he be
Is gonna be a lot like you

Popular opinion
Indicates that or this
But people are stupid
And blind to what they
Intentionally miss

You wanted to pretend he would love you forever
When you knew it could never be
You blame him, now, because he couldn't live up to the fantasy
You knew you shouldn't beleive
You tell all his secrets
In and out the sheets
Hating him for ending
Something that could never be

It’s not over
Though it should be
It may be finished for you
But it’s not over for me
For now
I sit back silently
Watching, wondering
What will be
It’s still a prison
Even after I set myself free
I’m locked in this cage
Mentally

He doesn’t want to see me
Whatever his reason be
But there is no way
I can’t take it personally

I can’t blame him for avoiding a potential train wreck
Or staying far out of it’s way
Uninvolvement completely
Why cross rattling tracks
When you weren’t even going that way?

I choose to see
Narcissisticly
That the problem is just as much him
As it is me
But how can that be
When everything else
He does so perfectly?

It’s such a beautiful
Destination
I am heading to:
Home
I think I found in you
The road to there is more exciting
This is surely true
Butterfly stomachs
Swelling up chest
Tingly skin
Wetness within
That’s where you take me to
Maybe, together, we can roam
On our way to comfortable
Home

It would take acknowledgment
Whether it came
Or whether it went
Something sure must be sent
But not yet
Maybe
Never

I’m feeling calm, but I’m never relaxed
I feel it coming, but I’m holding it back
I’m off the edge, but I never attack
I’m straight off the moment, but I still come back like that
I’m a strong man, weaker than I once was
**** and bramble, still hard to handle
I can hold my own if you need me
I’m standing here, can you see me?
Sometimes I’m standing where I wanna be
Sometimes I hate you, but you feel so nice
I know you think I’m gone
But I’m all in, don’t get me wrong
Sometimes I know I’m gonna lose it
I’m all caught up. I’m faking
….

You want to know
If you hurt my soul
If I sit and pine for you
Not sure why you're asking
Or why you care
Cuz I know you don't pine for me too
At least not in a normal way
Where you miss and long and wish to stay
You are such an attention queen
You want me to write you poetry
It seems to be
That you only like immortal me

I’m not the type to make announced exits
Unless I love you
Then, you’ll know

In my imagination
You like all the right music
You love to play pinball and pool
You're more concerned with doing the right thing
Than being thought for a fool
You'll always be ready
For what the day comes
With an adventurous flair
All I know is wherever you are
I sure can't wait to get there

He must be on some secret mission
Saving democracy
Or maybe he’s climbing Mount Everest
To fulfill some childhood wacky dream
Maybe he’s performing ritual sacrifice
On a spiritual journey
Maybe he got hit by a truck
Or otherwise just ran out of his luck
All of these things I pretend it could be
And I’m over here avoiding reality
He ghosted me