I have set my limit
Given my conditions
And now I must live with it

How long does one have to boycott
The one they can’t stay away from?  
Is there some magic time limit
That will make him notice I’m gone?  
Or even that I was ever there?  
I had to try something different
To get somewhere
Out or in
Attention either way
Boot me out on my ***
Or tell me you want me to stay
His apathy
Painful to me
I suppose it’s really the boot
But I refuse to see his kicking foot
And knowing it’s happening does no good
I justify, give him excuses
And write all these poems
With the boos and the hooses
And hope at some point he chooses
To see me
And give me a shot
Or set me free
He’s not the only somebody
On this entire Earth for me
I know this, rationally
But he’s the only one I see
So I write him poetry
Which I no longer share with he
My art is inconsequential to him
Aching to me
I can’t seem to win
Unfortunately

If I wasn’t angry
I’d be wishing you a happy birthday
But since I’ve got an attitude
With you
(For good reason, too)
I will not be wishing you a happy birthday
This is not me hoping you’re having a
Wonderful day
Lots of joy and happiness all in your way
I didn’t come here to say
I hope you have a happy birthday
In fact
I forgot all about it
What day is it today?
Probably not your birthday
Which is why I am not here
Shhhhhh
That wasn’t even me

As I am left here
To make up my own explanation
I’m gonna say it’s because of fear
He avoided intensity
And all those big emotions that came from me
He wanted to
But just couldn’t pull it through
It was nothing I did
Or didn’t do
It’s not a rejection
It is a lesson
On humility
And still loving someone
When they have no feelings for me
He never pretended
Or fronted or lied
He kept everything inside
And my interpretation of what it could maybe be
Falls on me
And only me
And we will see
What I can be
Now that I am free
But not really
I’m still the fool who’s writing about him
In my poetry

So many love songs shared
Sweet feelings all the way through
But now
What do I do
Should I share the breakup songs too?  
Nope
He will hear no more of my feelings
Read no more of my poems
Over means finished and gone
So he ain’t gonna get anymore songs

I shot myself in the foot
With all those love poems
Written for someone who didn’t read ‘em
Plastered them here and other places
Write in everyones’ faces
Alright
And now
It didn’t work out
And anyone else I catch feelings for
Is gonna see this whole lovesick score
Written by me
To some other man
Maybe I’ll write for him, too
But I’ve already said every
Romantic thing I could say
And the next one who comes my way
Is gonna get some hand-me-down
Watered down
Version of something I already said
About loving someone else until I was dead
And I’ll never get him out of my head
But, now he is fading
A new one will come soon
(I hope)
And I’ve already promised those stars and that moon
To the one who used to make me swoon
Will I be singing the same tune?
I hope it will sound new
And not like “Love Poems,
Slightly revised version, Two”

I’ve noticed you changing
Being more accommodating
It’s surely nice to see
But this little bit means nothing to me
Develop a pattern
And prove you’re sorry
For that back shelf position
Where you left me
And maybe
Just maybe
I will learn to believe

They always say
“Never give up on your dreams”
But what does one do
When you dream of being loved
By someone who doesn’t notice you?
Do you stalk and plead and chase
Continue forever the unwinnable race?
Sleep alone in an imaginary embrace?
Does a dream turn into a nightmare
Holding out for something that will never be there?
When it causes more questions than answers
Maybe it’s time to let go
Or so my ego tells me so
Is it failure to accept
You’re dreaming of something
You’ll never get?

You won’t notice my presence
You may not notice me gone
Noticing me
Seems to be
The one thing you do wrong

I ask him for what I want
And he will not comply
That’s what I get
For falling for such a hard headed guy

You didn’t steal my heart
But you made it work real hard
Beating intensely
Swelling up so immensely
And all of those flutters and skips
Who woulda thought
A heart could do flips?  
Beautiful, smart, artistic man
You’ve never been part of the plan
Suddenly there you are
Or are you here?
Who knows?
But I’d go anywhere
My heart don’t want to hear
That I’d be willing to walk right there
I know I can think it all I want
And my heart will never know
It’s caused me lots of pain
That my heart never listens to my brain

He’s not the one who made me look foolish
That is all on me
He is too **** coolish
And I could not let him be
And even though I know all this
I cannot get myself free
That beautiful man has captured me
And I sit here day by day
Embracing my captivity

I envy those who have the privilege of wearing their hearts on their sleeves
Mine is right on my forehead
In the game of coy
I cannot win
If I grow bangs
It moves down to my chin

I really miss that man who blocked me
He had a reason
With no rhyme
And that **** *****
Every time
He was right for doing so
Though
Lessons learned too late
It was for something I should already know
I am responsible for that unfortunate twist of fate
Handed down by a man more loyal than I
Punishment for my wandering eye
And talking about what I saw
He was right to kick me out
I broke a cardinal law
Between he and I
He brought near perfection
And I brought the fatal flaw

There is no prince upon a steed
Galloping here to rescue me
No Hobbit fulfilling a destiny
Riding high upon a walking tree
If I wanna find a hero
I’ll have to find her in me

You’ll think of me
Occasionally
Maybe not now
But eventually
I will appear in your mind
I’ve settled in your soul
I went in through your skin
Before you knew I was there
But now
You are aware
You ignore
Which is fair
But there’s still something there
You never saw before
***** and rusty
And so much dust
But I still try to shine
Right through my over-baked crust
Inside the flavor
I cannot say
A unique blend of spices
Mostly

What do I do with all my time now
When I used to spend all my time
Thinking of you?
It’s not something that can be worked
Through
So I’ve got to get used to un-youing
You
Clearly not an easy task to do

What is it that holds you back?
Mistrust?
Probably.
Not sure if your doubt
Is placed in you or me
Truth be told
I’m not ready
So maybe the thing
Holding you back
Might be me

This is me
Desperately
Writing him poetry
He will never see
Apparently
There’s no magic button
To set me free
From he
So I still write him poetry
Maybe foolishly
But not really
These poems are actually
Written for me

If one repeatedly attempts Plan A
Ineffectively
Does it
At some point
Ever become Plan B?  
Or even Plan Z?
How many times
Can an attempt bomb
Before the planner accepts
She was wrong all along?
Time invested
Ego too
All sorts of excuses
She went through
Bargaining, flirting, and pleading too
She tried everything she could possibly do
Still, that girl just came up short
Even after she put in so much work
It was destined to fail from the start
Anyway
Maybe she will accept that one day

I ain’t got any poems in me today
I been hooting and hollering
So much to say
Received by deaf ears
Although that is unclear
Maybe he’s listening
And pretending not to hear
From my vantage point
I’m standing over a cavern
Screaming out
Incessantly
And even my echo is ignoring me
Tomorrow, probably
I’ll feel less hopelessly
But today
I don’t particularly like being me
Put this out for all to see
And I’m starting to feel them laughing at me
Tomorrow, maybe
I’ll feel differently
I hope so
But that’s only
The pilot light I must burn
When I’m feeling dark
And lonely and fried
Hope is sometimes
The only thing upon which I can rely

I keep acting like I want your attention
The truth is
It’s terrifying
I’m the moth who cannot resist the flame
And however I meet it
I will not be the same
I only have myself to blame
The journey of burney
I take willingly
Knowing it probably won’t end
EVER
For me
Maybe I can make myself believe
That’s how I really want it to be

What happens when a bored
Woman
Meets an irresistible Force
Does she, too, become irresistible?
Or does she give way
And step aside
To the inevitable tide
Following the irresistible Force  
She cannot step aside
Of course
Which only proves
The power of the force
Of course

This is me
Again
Offering the rare and exotic
Five million in a lifetime
Opportunity
To talk to me
By tomorrow
It’ll be five million and three

I could get all dramatic
And claim my heart is ablaze
Burning and twisting apart in all ways
I could talk about pretend pillow tears
Force you into the role I want you to play
Pledge undying loyalty for years and years
Guilt you into feeling some kinda way
But it ain’t my nature
To complain
In fact, though
My heart IS ablaze
Embers flying every which way
Smoke sometimes choke
And coughs up some soot
But mostly things feel pretty good
Whether you wouldn’t or whether you would

I’m gonna walk around like I own the place
He’s hanging on every word
In my state of mind
It don’t seem so absurd
And so what if I want to believe?
It isn’t hurting anybody
Except maybe me
We shall see

We don’t talk
About the sweet spot
But we know that it is there
Hit occasionally
Like an ****** through the air
He need put in no effort to ring my bell
It’s just a matter of being himself

And the banjo has come out of it’s case
Spectacular finger picking awaits
Orchestrated with the fates
Tales be told about it someday
This music is gonna stay

The girl I’m meant to be
Will be thanking me
For writing all this poetry

To me this looks like permission
“Run free in your poetry”
And throughout my history
No kinder words have been given
To me

As far as comfort zones go
I fluctuate between gagging on a hot dog
Or a cool breeze
Sometimes very hot
Depending upon
Which air I got

He offered more
Encouraged me to explore
He’s better than I was hoping for

It’s not going according to plan
It is better than
I couldn’t have hoped
When dream becomes reality
And reality even better be
Dream come true
With turbo boost
Hopefully
I still have doubts
In what I think I see
But that probably always happens
When looking at a fantasy

What do you feel
When you think of me?
Am I a responsibility?
You seem kind
Not the type of guy
Who wouldn’t take me seriously
Or play around with what you don’t mean
I know you have respect for me
But you give that to anybody
Which is probably why I feel so free
To leave my heart entrust to thee

The Gathering has thus begun
Signs are everywhere
Something magical
Created by faith
Is heavy in the air
It makes no difference
The majority
The poets have set up
The long game
So spectacularly
And in the end
It will be
The poet who tells the stories
So
We win
Already

I ain’t gonna be dramatic
I’m fine without you
I’m not dying
And I still smile
(A lot)
I need nothing from you
But I see what you can bring
And yearning stings
Just like need do

Am I taking pieces of you
For my own use
When I write you in my poetry?
And if I do
Do I at least
Leave a piece of me?
I feel like the lucky one
To have such a spectacular muse
But I ain’t no slouch
When  it comes to poetry
You got lucky
To be the muse
Of a pretty good poet
Like me
The spectacular muse
With the pretty good poet
There’s no telling what that could be
But it will be written
And thus
A part of our history

It is not a burn
Most of the time
It is a slow hollowing out
Emptying
Of matter and mass
Yet somehow it be heavier

This must be what awe feels like

I want to get under your skin
Infect your within
Shot of my witch’s brew
It might make you itch
Though
At first
Then thirst
You feel the spirit of me
Almost physically
Vibrationally
Thirst turns to burn
The pilot light
Is on
Fuel parasite
Maybe useful it be
We will see

I’ve invited myself in
To an imagination *******
Gonna get me sum
And give it my best
In the beautiful man fest
I’ve created just for me
Imaginarily
I go as far as it can
In every fantasy

Cheering and cheering
Til your lungs get sore
And you’re not even sure
Who you’re rooting for
Anymore

I’d be a better poet
If I thought like an adult
But maybe that’s
Just a lie I tell myself
Maybe I think just fine
And I’ll be a better poet
With practice and time

I have set myself free
Wondering if someone will come after me
It can’t be just anybody
He’s gotta be a special somebody
To me
Maybe he doesn’t exist
Or he’s someone from the past I missed
Lots find their one
I hope I am one of them
Who doesn’t have to wonder
About their someone
For all my days, until they’re done

My crazy is harmless
To everyone, but me
I don’t usually suffer
But I always bleed

The mind plays tricks
Says what it doesn’t mean
When it meant it at the time
Writers have to see their mind
One moment
Splayed out
Never to grow
Stuck in time
Snapshot of the mind

I’m not sorry about the things I said
Yet
But I will be
And that’s the closest you might ever get
To an apology

He’s there,
Somewhere
The one for me
It is certainly true
Whoever he be
Is gonna be a lot like you

Do I have your permission
To continue using you
As my muse?
It’s selfish of me
Maybe
To use you
Good and bad, too
My own ends
Nothing in it for you

I can’t blame him for avoiding a potential train wreck
Or staying far out of it’s way
Uninvolvement completely
Why cross rattling tracks
When you weren’t even going that way?