I did learn a lesson
In case you were wondering
Not that it will bring you back around
Or change anything
The lesson learned
Is only applicable
To the rare situation
That happens to involve you
I think you mighta paid a price
For me to learn that lesson, too
Someday I may
Get the chance at thanking you

Here I am
All brash and cocky
Talkin’ ‘bout
“He’s gonna miss me”
Been saying it over and over again
Surely because I’ve been missing him
He might be back around one day
I might find the right words to say
On this forgiveness mission
None of it matters anyway
When he’d be foolish to listen
Tangled webs hanging
In the corner I painted myself within
When one cannot blame anyone else
Excuses wear real thin
His final gift to me
The growth I feel within

He has blocked me
Probably permanently
I deserved it, too
The awkward part is
I keep talking to him
And it will continually be
Something he never knew

I know I ain’t really gonna leave
When I stand up and give a big speech
About all the gripes that push me to go
I  got a whole list to show
Carefully penned
With shaking hands
So much for all my plans
I planned to stay
Then planned to go
Ignoring the truth that I  know
Whether I go
Or whether I stay
It makes no difference
Either way
To you
That’s true
So I stand in the yard
Where you leave me
While you pretend not to be home
And somehow that’s almost enough
I ain’t so tough
And I ain’t so cool
I ain’t got the status to set any rules
None of it went according
To plan
This must be what erectile dysfunction
Feels like to a man

One of us
Owes the other
An apology
The guilty party
Is me
But I twist it to such a degree
I truly believe
I had a good reason to…
Shut up
Self
That’s the ego in me
Feeding me
Stupidity
*******, ignorant foolish, moronic
Bad decision to the speed of sonic
BOOM
Set fire to
The entire
ROOM
But I don’t back out gracefully
Like I should do
Instead
I play a hundred tunes
About fire and heat and burning alive
There I go, spilling out jive
As if that could possibly
Put out a fire

Gone
I may be
But it brought him no joy
To get rid of me

It’s not self sabotage
When it was already destined to fail
Could’ve held on
I suppose
But nobody knows
How long one must wait
After putting it out there
Self agitate
Burning, yet wet
Unlikely bets
The dealer ignoring
My cards on the table
And I laid them out there
The best I was able
Avoiding my gaze
Not a worthy bet
But that’s what one dealer said
There gotta be a table for me
I just haven’t found it yet
I gotta learn how to stack that deck

You ain’t gonna listen
But leaving someone to continue
Upon a hopeless mission
Like this one

Not so fun
For me
At least
You must have got something
From it
It would have been easy to set me free
You chose to leave me outside
On the leash
Chained to a fantasy
And stay there
I would have always
But these **** opposable thumbs
Couldn’t agree

How does one go about mourning
The loss of something they never had?
This must be what motivates
The villains to turn bad
When what could maybe be
Has really
Always been

Never will happen

One can let it smolder and burn to ash
Or kick that “ain’t gonna happen”
Out on it’s ***
I’m the type to be
Foolish and brash
Particularly when I run out of gas
I thought it was solar powered
But it’s not renewable
It turns out
However
To be entirely screwable
And now it’s in so tight
The head has disappeared
But the mark that it left
Will be there for years

I brought it down in flames
Purposely
But there’s only so long
A pilot can circle
Before they become
Kamikaze
Blew it up on a cliff
Spectacularly
But that’s what happens
At the death of a dream

It’s not a big thing
But it stopped a big thing
Which previously
I thought no thing could be
The thorn and the crown
The “**** girl, you let yaself down”
The “when and if he comes back around
He may listen, but he won’t believe”
The girl who apparently
Got cheap tricks up her sleeve
He ain’t missing nothing
Smartest to leave

It was less a move towards him
As it was
A move away from you

I am a ****** girl
Rot
Like trash
I would rather
Rot
Though
And become fertilizer

Not sure what could have been
If I had only seen it then

Maybe he’ll be back again
Could be soon
Don’t know when
Probably it will be
Some time before he
Isn’t disgusted with me
Deservedly
When I open mouth and stick in feet
Foolishly
I’d like to make him believe
I didn’t say it seriously
But I dislike dishonesty
And at that time
I meant what I said
And frankly I still do
But I should have kept it to myself
This ******* don’t think things through
Fickle and faulted
And dented and dumb
Practically numb
It’s no big surprise
He don’t want him some

You gonna come back
One day
And I won’t make the same mistakes

You will feel my absence
Musing wondering
How does she be?
And then you will come looking for me
Whether or not
I can see you
You will want to know
What I am up to
And maybe one day
You’ll appear again
And we can be friends

You’re the one
But maybe it’s time for me to move on
Silence from you
What’s a girl to do?  
Set my sights on the two

What I am
Who I am
I will probably
Always be
Potentially
Great
But not likely
Above average probably
But not enough so that anybody sees
I’m not sure, though
I would want that to be
The world calling me out on my poetry
I don’t know if I’d wish that fate on
Anybody

How do you stay grounded and sane
When you’re the best
And it’s been that way
Barely a contest
Everyone bows
Kowtows
Tell you you’re great
Repeating every line you say
Going so far out of their way
For a sliver of attention
You may, or may not pay
But either way
They will say
A repeat of some fake fantasy
That you and they
Jammed and played
And now they claim to know you
Intimately
And you’re like “what the heck is that one’s name?”
But you play the game
Smiling and nodding and many
Hand shakes
So much work
And Fuckery and Fakes
To build up a legend
But that’s what it takes

You probably hear it
Often, and over again
How special you are
True, and deep, and aware
You make me see things
That never before were there
Thank you for the vision
Increase my field of view
The sight not otherwise seen
Except through knowing you

One day I am going to know what he smells like

It is a devilish pleasure
Watching someone I dislike
Get their comeuppance
Admittedly
There is evil in me
The part which tells me
I am worthy to serve
An opinion regarding
What others deserve.

Can I force it?
What will come to me
Inspirationlessly?
Nothing to say
All the space to say it in
And a brain all too thin
On ideas and big thoughts
What can little thoughts be?
Meaningless nothings
Wasted on a brain
Almost insane
Wanting to say
Something, anything
Waste paper space
But starting is something
Every poem needs
Even the waste of paper ones
Paper is worth wasting on potential

My story is ugly
No matter how much glitter I apply

Wonderment at what’s on
The horizon
And the determination
To get there

Connection abruptly paused
Neither at fault for the cause
I dwell for days
On the things I wish I could say
Wondering if you’re
Wondering what happened to me
I know you’re not taking it personally
It’s such a **** shame
The internet isn’t free
But here I am today
Temporarily

Maybe you’re not “him”
But at the very least
You’re a cool spring of water
And a field full of flowers
With the perfect tree for climbing
Along my path
Or maybe
You are an oasis mirage
But I’m heading in that direction
So we’ll see
What may be
Between you and me

Wake up, Boo
I wanna tickle your brain
Tease it and please it
Til you feel insane
And give in to
The madness
With gentle refrain
Bliss can be true
If you let the madness
Encompass you
What other option
When only a dream will do

Some kinda something is there
Between us otherwise strangers
Small interactions
Now and then
Mysterious energy
I can’t explain
Between you and me
Over airwaves
Almost anonymously
But some way
Somehow
It means something to me

I don’t know what I’m searching for
With this poetry
It certainly means
Something to me
My ego massaged
Maybe
To be the Creator
Of poetry

It is a mission
Just to get there
Acknowledgment

I would pray for you
But God has better things to do
I’m gonna have to pull this one off myself
But what else is new?
Thus far
Not me and you
My dream come true
If I add an “amen”
At the end
Will this “prayer” do?
Amen
Then
Praying might work
And I’ll try anything

When I’m feelin’ cocky
I think of your ****
And even call it a ****
Most other men have a ****
(Some got a little *****)
But yours is a ****
I’m gonna get it hard as a rock
And ride that hammer around the block
Leave your *** in shock
And you’ll be on lock
….
****, just thinking about it….
Hot and flustered and blushed and  brash
Excuse me, for now
Gotta go…. um…take a bath

I’m not really a poet
I cannot write ten lines about a blade of grass
Well, maybe I could
But why would
I want to do that?  
Poets love words so much
They use too much
I prefer to conserve
But
Wait a minute!
Maybe I am
Really a poet
Choosing to express myself through words
However I do it
Too big or too small
However it be
Maybe I am a poet, after all

And so it begins
The social media
Farce fake friendship
Between
Myself and a relative
Who cannot agree
On ANYTHING
Aside from the fact
We both pretend
With great patience and tact
We don’t dislike each other
Immensely
The problem is her
But also me
We just grate against each other
Painfully
But that is kept privately
And we smile
And put on the fake friendship show
In front of everybody

Mister
Ain’t you gonna change those clothes?
It’s a sorta cute outfit
I suppose
But pretty soon
That whole ensemble
Is gonna get up and walk on its own

Peace is the greatest commodity
A soul can have
Individually
Or globally
And if it’s done properly
It is also free

Maybe it will never be
Between you and me
I can’t let go of the fantasy
Until you set me free
I realize it’s not fair
To put the burden on you
A girl shows up from nowhere
And won’t let go until you do
You ignore, and it will continue
And I come back and play a fool
I been hoping and praying
For someone to make me forget about you
And that’s where we’re at now
But not really
There is no “we”
It’s only me
Talking to myself
In front of everybody
Wondering if you even see
I don’t know what would be
More disappointing for me
If you have no idea I’m here
Or if you actively
Ignore me

Your familiarity
Is an illusion to me
I know this
Yet continue to pretend I see
Commonality
But maybe it’s a reality
This thing between you and me
Palpable on my side
Through distance
Space
And silly dreams
I wish you could see
Me
But as it be
I suffer from invisibility
And it’s likely
To be so
Perpetually
But that doesn’t mean
I won’t write you poetry
Which will remain
Eternally
Whether or not
You ever see

Is it alright
If I imagine you
Sweaty and ****?
Do I have your permission
To pretend you’re positioned
On top of my body
And under me, too?
Can I lick all over you?
In my ***** ***** mind
You taste so salty
And feel so **** fine
Do you mind
What I do to you in my mind?  
Bumping, rocking, forceful grind
I’m taking advantage of you
Using your body
Tasting your sweet
Tenderizing your meat
In my fantasy
You’re doing the same to me
If you do not disagree
In my imagination
That’s how it will be
You making it hot and heavy
With me

He’s looking for a woman
And he’s looking DESPERATELY
Inbox inundation
Woeful, longing pleas
Compliments of irrelevance
He only notices what he sees
He’s looking for a woman
With his eyes and not his soul
And he wonders why
He is still alone
Nobody wants to be
Committed to someone
To be their eye candy

People will have something to say
However you do it, any way
If you stay quiet
Or have a lot to say
Whether you wake up late at night
Or early in the day
Whether you spectate
Or whether you play
Whether you’re straight
Or whether you’re gay
Whether you say
Yay or nay
Whether your an atheist
Or if you pray
Whether you’re black
Or white or gray
On your nerves
It’s gonna fray
If you bother with what
Other people say

I have no walls
I am an open field as far as you can see
I refuse to blueprint my soul
By past wins and losses
I have no walls
But a strong reflex to flee
As soon as I dislike something I see

I’m sorry lady
You’re so angry
That you cannot make me agree
Your imaginary
Take on the situation
Is how it really be
You are certainly free
To believe what you
Think you can see
But the mirage in your mind
Has nothing to do with me

Breathing life
Into someone already living well
Is probably impossi-bell
And now
I sit here
Pondering
The intricacies
Of turning impossibilities
Into likelees
But if I can turn
Likelees
Into a word
You needing fresh air
Might not be absurd

This right here
Is the rarest commodity
There’s never gonna be
Another ME
One of a kind
All throughout history
So it would be foolish to
Pretend to be
Some commonplace personality
Seen online or on TV
Altogether too frequently
But there is only one me
And, it is also true
There is only one you
And another
There never will be
A uniquely precious rarity
So, ROCK THAT ****
Vigorously
And be the youest you can be
Never offer an apology
Let the real you wild and free
If the you you are
Doesn’t hurt anybody
Wave your you flag determinedly
And celebrate when you see
Someone else say “this is me!”

He walks so far away
Distance
Yesterday and today
Tomorrow
Maybe he will see
One would think that would be up to me
Make myself known, flail about
Jump up and down
Scream and shout
Amid the crowd
Millions of kitties
Pulling up shirts
And showing off *******
I got ******* too
But my brain is
So much more beautiful
Like most things that are hard to see
You gotta pay attention to notice the beauty

Trying to think of something poignant to say
But I’m not sure poignancy works that way
Think and think til your brain turns blue
But it’s just the kinda thing that’s gotta
Come  to you

I wanna see your ugly
I wanna smell your stink
Show me the dry, cracked heels
You walk upon
Present the dirt under your fingernails
Blackheads, zits, and straight up ****
Blow ya nose into a napkin and show ya boogasnots
Display the ***** q-tip pulled from your ear
Ingrown toenail, weird hair
There’s gotta be imperfection there
Somewhere