He wants us to believe
He lost his poetry
When that cannot be
He has it so naturally

I survived many things that should have shattered me
My people know what I mean
Now I stay here
Unangry
Peaceful as a girl could be
I don’t want to hurt or blame anybody
And I think that is the strength in me

You won’t find the same me ever again
I have grown since then

I come back here
To the written word
It brings me to clarity
That I can revisit
Frequently

It cannot only be me
Who unfortunately
Thinks to myself
Bashedly
“If I were to go
Would they even know?
Stand in the doorway
And want to say
“You won’t see me from this day”
But it would be foolish show of despair
I’m not going anywhere

Between what you don’t know
And what I can’t see
We’re the least informed duo
In history
We are **** ******* cool, though
Admittedly

I’m sorry, mister
But it don’t be
Like that for me
You and I cannot be
And I shouldn’t have to feel sorry
But you have tried so earnestly
And I perceive you tenderly
Mostly

Poetry doesn’t have to be wordy

If I ever find where I’m going
I hope it’s a nice place

As far as fools go
I’m one of the best
Usually I’m pretty bright
It’s only to you
I be the fool
Some primal urge
To bow and purge
Adorations, speculations
Whatever comes to soul
I have the urge to let you know
You ignite fire all around
Raze debris right to the ground
And now new growth is found
Rich, volcanic stew
All because of you

I won hundreds of times on the way to that loss
And time was all it cost

The problem with you
Still got that same attitude
You had at sixteen
You’re a man living in between
Incorrigible to some imaginary
Enemy
When will you see
It’s within thee?

I could tell you my story
And make it rhyme
But you would think
I was lying

This is not me writing you another poem
This is not me
Alone
It isn’t me
Pretending to be
Willpowerly
I ain’t the one stalking your profile
I haven’t been there in a while
You won’t find me right nearby
Listening for your call
I surely have erected
An impenetrable wall
You won’t hear me ever cry
I ain’t got even one more try
You won’t hear my wild wolf howl
Not because it isn’t there
It is me to whom you turn a deaf ear
And it’s not me still here

I tried and tried and tried for you
I wished it for me
But also you, too
I woulda made you happy, Boo

Happy Sunday to my soul
Today I wish to grow
I hope to be
A better me
This I pray for
Everybody

Can you please **** up?
Be abusive to some pup
Walk around with ****** types
At least for one picture-filled night
Don’t you have any dirt
To put under the light?
Please move those rugs
Show some swept under
Give a clue when you feel the thunder
Bare the rust attached to your bones
I wanna see the moss on your stone
Ain’t there a mistake
A time you were fake?
You know you have been a flake
Display imperfections
For goodness sake
Beautiful faulted cage
Sometimes rage
Against destiny fate
Tell yourself it is too late
Yet here we wait
For you to collaborate

I am the persistent bee
Buzzing around for your honey
Nobody bothers me
Or gives me anything sweet
Beautiful flower I see
Distantly
Honeyless I still be
This is no existence
For a bee

Boundaries may be
Nonexistent
When it comes to you and me
Goalposts moving constantly
Down or up
Never near
Coach calling plays
I cannot hear
Defensive line so clear

So many songs
I gotta disassociate
From what they used to mean
Happy tunes
Somehow turned blue
Letting go of you
Hopefully
They will remind me
Of somebody new
Soon

We are done
You ain’t the one
My vision was skewed
But this is not news to you
I tried too hard
Or not hard enough
But that is irrelevant
I still took so much away from it
Maybe more than I gave
Thank you for the inspiration
Thank you for being my muse
Gratitude is what I feel for you
At this moment of truth

Currently
I stay attached to thee
Perhaps because you let me be
You do not discourage me
Which I perceive optimistically
But it could be true
That you simply don’t care
Or you’re completely unaware
Or maybe I disgust you
What’s a girl supposed to do
With no idea what is true
And “could be”
Maybe
Vague and shady
Glimmers of crazy
When not a no
Perceived as a maybe

As it stands now
One of us is a fool
It’s probably me
But it might be you

My muse is unreliable
Silent most of the time
But when he finally sings
It’s a sound sublime
Unfortunately
For all of us
Including mostly me
He doesn’t
Believe

I cannot miss what I have never had
Or love who I’ve never met
But that sort of mystery
Surrounds you a lot
I’ll bet

The pedestal is rusty
It lost it’s glisten shine
Busted down and termite-filled
How does it look so fine?

There I go repeating myself
As if it helps
But then again
Neither are you
Saying anything new

Would it help if I cried
Out loud
Instead of keeping it
Inside of me
Silently
Choked throat
Stuffed full of
Heart’s bloat
Burning holes
Through fat rolls
Tearing up
Inside of me
Weight on chest
So heavily
Would it help if I
Let you see
How painful it be?

It’s only real to me
In my tenuous sanity
Combined with vanity
Dreams
And how they be
Only real to me

Who I am
And who I ain’t
Not fairly judged by me
Benefit of doubt
I see
Mentally,
I am lucky
Because it is true
You are much too ******* you

Without you I am
The horse with no back
Roberta with no Flack
The lion with no teeth
The cow with no beef
I am the giraffe with no neck
The priest who says “****”
Instead of “heck”
I am the ice with no cold
The youngster who is way too old
I am the draw with no string
The every without it’s thing
The sun with no rise
The giver-upper before she tries
I am the bay with no dock
The rooster who has no ****
The candle with no flame
The abandoned child with no name
I am the windowless house
The cat who never caught a mouse
The car with no gas
The **** with no ***
The pan with no cake
All the give
And not one take
I am the song with no voice
The re with no joice
The night with no day
The ground with no play
But I still slide
Anyway
Down
Down
Down
Dow
Do
D
Disappear
Into me

I feel spent
I don’t know where all my inspiration went
Silly musing of no worth
Remnants of the afterbirth
Rotting
Putting out a stink
Block my ability to think
I said it all
Real loud and clear
To nobody who wants to hear
Maybe it’s a superpower;
Invisibility
But it sure feels like a curse to me
Echoing here
Silently

It’s in your aura
It’s in your eyes
It’s sitting up between your thighs
It’s locked
It’s loaded
It’s sugar-coated
With that mojo
Over-bloated
Got me singing to the breeze
Begging won’t you
Please PLEase PLEASE!
Get yaself between my knees

Here I be
Your personal freak on a leash
Self-imposed
And unwilling to leave
Here I be
While you ignore me
Apparently
Permanently
Here I be

I wanna be angry
And stomp my feet
Run into the street
And scream like a banshee
I wanna curse
Wish you the worst
Pray for you to feel the thirst
I wanna bring down the boom
Cast a spell so you see me in every moon
I wanna bring myself to you
Then turn and show you my back
I want you to yearn for me
As if I’m all you lack
I want to fill your senses
Till you cannot go without
You can be the teapot
And I will be the spout
I want to be the song
You whistle as you go along
And all who hear it pause
To hear the Pied Piper
And her cause
I want to be the horses and the men
Who put Humpty Dumpty together again
I want to be the plate you lick clean
Or even lick *****
You know what I mean
I want to be the mosquito
Piercing your skin
I want to be the air you’re breathing in
I want to sin and sin and sin
But we both know I ain’t getting in
Meanwhile you sit under my skin

At this moment I am at Peace
With what we will never be
Maybe
But I’m still not really free
Do I have to stop wanting
And trying
To be at Peace?
Is Peace only found when it’s in the past
Or can I still try?
And remain at Peace
Is trying the opposite of being at Peace?
How can I accept what may never be
When there’s still so much of that “may”
In me?

Curse the eyes that won’t look past
Curse the ears that refuse to hear your silence
Curse the heart
And the brain
Stuck on impossibility
Causing themselves such pain
Curse the lack of refrain
Curse myself
For cursing you
With this sorry ***
Poor me
Curse fest
And curse this curse fest too

Why can’t I write about snow
Or trees?
Find passion in what I’m surrounded with
Whatever it be?
Nature
So many poets have done it
Successfully
Not me
I can’t find passion writing about a tree
As beautiful and magestic as they be
Even the blade of grass
Does it’s thing regally
Standing up, though trod upon
Cut down every week
That blade of grass
Exists defiantly
Hey!  There it is!
The poetry

I beg like a ***
For a token or dime
I spend all of my time
On this lonely street
Freezing to death
While you hoard the heat
And just like the typical
One who drives by
You avoid my eye
So you don’t have to see
The hungry
Me
There’s thousands of bums on the street
And you can’t give them all a thing to eat
Least of all

Me

Cracks
Like spiderwebs
Filters
Really
Of what we allow ourselves to see
Living inside the bowl
Pretending to be free
I stare at this one way screen
Wondering if you’re watching me
Building webs
Diligently

I feel drained
Holes on the bottom
A mere drop
Teeny weeny
But that is just this moment
Hopefully
I got a lot of *****
Left in me
You punk

I’ve touched your soul
With my ***** mind
Smeared it all over
With jelly and juice
(And a barbecue dressing of some kind)
Put the thought of you to intimate use
(Repeatedly)
Whispered into your ear
Breathlessly
I’ve presented you with
The longest mental striptease
Anyone’s ever seen
And no matter how much mud I sling
There you sit
Soul pristine

You beautiful wuss
Imperfect and faulted you be
Pretending to ignore me
All publicly
But you and I both know
You come to see
Invisibly
Your superpower
In this realm
Andre the Mighty!
Is invisibility
Which happens to be
A handicap for me

They say “never settle”
What a privilege it must be
To think so optimistically
Should one aspire towards
The best
Who isn’t interested in me
Do I chase forever desperately
Solitarily
The one
Who will never settle for me?

He’s got walls and moats
Filled with crocodiles
Looking for human root beer floats
He’s got the title of GOAT
Unassumingly
He’s got shiny things
Metal, mineral,
Heavy commodity
Spacious homes for his whole family
Choice of beauties bevericiously
Smart ones, too, atypically
But all that fluff, and stuff
And superlative ****
Isn’t as priceless as me
Which he also has
Abundantly

I could make promises to myself I don’t mean
Try to make a break that’s clean
Swear to every deity
Take an aching knee
I wish I could believe
If only so I could pray
For you to notice me
Vibrantly

What happens to all the feels
Unrequited?
Do they evaporate?
Shrink into a lonely fate?
Chasing something
And forever too late
Does it eventually frustrate?
I wonder if it turns to hate

Once upon a time
Should be right now
But my Prince
He cannot be
Bothered with me
And that’s the tale
With this fairy

I planted a lot of seeds
In this here
Outkast orchard
Watered them
Too
Hopefully
The fruit will be
Eaten by you

Maybe you don’t see
That you are a blessing to me
And I hope it to be true
I am a blessing to you