I want you to have so many laughs
Sunny days
Health always
Intelligence to know when to pass and fade
So I can’t be butthurt
When you pass on me
You got your reasons
Seen lots of seasons
And know what’s worth folding on
Better hands, and the odds are long
I ain’t giving up
Yet
Holding on by the seat of my pants
Still working on acceptance
Halfway there, maybe
But can’t let it go
Baby
Wherever it’s gonna take me

Is this gonna never be
Or a maybe, let’s see?
Bring me in closer
Or set me free
Whatever it be is fine for me
And fine for you, too
You’ll see
It is a kindness to say
“I’m not going your way.”

What will I do
When I no longer lust after you?  
Am I supposed to find somebody new?
I’m sure it’s something I could do
If I had to

He doesn’t want to see me
Whatever his reason be
But there is no way
I can’t take it personally

One of us is coming up short
And it’s obviously me
I’m just having a hard time
Getting myself to agree

Sometimes, maybe
My soul looks beautiful to you
And you see
Your beauty reflected back
Through what you bring out of me
I’m gonna work for those sometimes
Vigorously
You insatiable well of inspiration
Allow me to give you back
The gifts you give to me

I don’t know if I’m a blessing disguised as a wreck
Or just a wreck
I haven’t figured myself out, yet

I want to bring you peace
But that may be unlikely
I’m not the quiet type
I’m chaotic and flippy
All over the place
Yet steady and fun
A little too trippy
But a fun break from reality
Never hurt anyone
When I know the way
Back to sanity
Maybe you could
Go to crazy with me
And there we might find
The peace we seek

I want to massage your ego
Get those knots out
Right down to your soul
I want to bring you peace
And ease
Cool beeeze
Baby
Let me tell you
How wonderful I think you be
And I ain’t no fool
So you should believe me
Worth all efforts
Time
Raw out open wounds
Ripped from my spine
Still feeling fine
To display it to you
One
Who is
One of a kind
Unscuffable shine
Too much to live up to
At this time
According to the one
Holding up the line
That one be
Not me

You gonna have to
Maybe
Come right out and say
Some day
When you feel a foundation laid
Almost sorta
Depending upon how much attention you paid
And how much you are afraid
I know you ain’t worried about getting played
The risky bet wants to know
Which way you gonna go?

Do you feel the maybes, why nots and what ifs?  
Are you anywhere near catching my drift?
Maybe I see
From my skewed point of view
Almost something from you

It could potentially be
The stuff of myth and mystery
But you’ve achieved that
Already
You’re in chill mode
And here comes an overload
Sustained, reckless, brash
To deliver a swift kick in the ***
Passing gas
Passing gas
Passing
Time
My Adonis
Bring it home
In rhythm and rhyme

Are you almost there
To that turn you need to take
To come my way
Are you on your way?
Maybe it’s right for you to say
If you’re heading in another way

What could it be
Slowly, slowly
Too slow
Maybe
Who knows
How it’s s’posed to be?
Not you
And definitely
Not me
Maybe we

I have no follow through
When it comes to denying myself of you
And vice versa, too
The desire to share
Myself
To you
More compulsion
If I’m being true
Not sure what a girl can do
Once she’s become an addict of you
In my veins and bloodstream
My waking thoughts and sleeping dreams
I am exactly as I seem
Hopelessly bound
Pitifully desperate broken wing moth
Open wound
Bleeding on your porch
Who needs a mess like that?  
Nobody but you
If you do
What you got
Inside of you?

Once upon a time
There was a queen
Of a land nobody’s ever seen
She sent out the brochures
Invited one, in particular
And one only
Whether he showed up
Still remains to be seen

A glorious past
It’s certainly enough
To be great
And you don’t want to become what you
Hate
But I know in my heart you are better
Than that
Greater than a limit creator
Upon yourself
But all of us, too
You can’t be fresh and new
Get ova yaself, Boo
Youth fades
Wisdom  rains, reigns and reins
Don’t you got something else to say?

It’s not nothing to me
Who knows what you see
Or don’t
It must be a pull of some sort
Felt in the tide
Whether you pay attention
Or not
I probably lie
Imagine you see
All this poetry
And it makes you feel
So ******* ****
You muthafuckin’
Beast

Strangers in a crowd
Eyes to smiles
What if?
Or best if not
Not a nothing
Between strangers in a crowd

I don’t want to get all dramatic
And call it an ache
But it’s not not an ache
Either
I don’t think you feel it
With me in your mind
But I might be in your soul
We’re not not soulmates
Maybe one day we will be not soulmates
But we will be good friends
Then

It would take acknowledgment
Whether it came
Or whether it went
Something sure must be sent
But not yet
Maybe
Never

You were privileged
By me
When I wrote you all that poetry
And you
Foolishly
Pretended you couldn’t see
Is that spitting in the face
Of all poetry
Or did you only spit at me?  
You got your own story
That I bet you probably
Almost believe

My journey is heading in your direction
A life still under construction
When I finally get to you
Bringing everything I’ve been through
Will I be so black and blue
That I appear too damaged to you?  
In the big scheme of things
It doesn’t matter what you see
The only opinion that matters
Is the one I have of me
And I’ll keep evolving in my head
Maybe even after I’m dead
It may be we’ll never meet
But you’ve still had an effect on me

It’s not as dramatic as I make it sound
I’m not broken, or damaged, or bound
I was hoping he would come around
But he didn’t
And that’s ok
I am still happy
His reaction
(Or lack of it)
Honestly
Has nothing to do with me
Or maybe it’s all my fault
But ultimately
I can accept finality
And though I should be bummed out
I feel kind of relieved
It’s better to know
One way, or the other
Than to delude in a pipe dream
I gave it my best try
One day
I’m gonna read this poetry
And think
“Who was that guy?”

I’m not your one
It is, and has been clear and plain
To see
Everyone else probably saw it
Except me
It took me so long
To let go of a distorted dream
I’m not the one for you
So obviously
You’re not the one for me

I make demands
Follow through halfway
And wonder if it will be a win
On this one important thing
That means something
To me
Maybe too much
But not enough
To give it up

When I say it in the written word
I feel like I am being heard
Maybe not immediately
But at some point in history
The right one will listen to me
And the right time
It will be
For he or she
To hear whatever words from me
And apply them to the life of thee
This is probably
The entire point of poetry
At least, for me

Are you aware of what’s not there?

I am the harmless nutcase
Sweating over you
Almost obsessively
To a high degree
Which really means
A LOT     AND MORE
But you’re the one I’m doing it for
It’s a mind game on me
And maybe on you
Potentially
And knowing this
It’s something I still do
It is exploitation
Really
To use you permisionlessly
I’ve said this before
And continue
Knowingly
Exploiting you
To the benefit of me
Uncredited inspiration
I plagiarize your spirit
Using it
Pretending I know it
Taking liberties
Telling myself some ******* story
You would feel flattered by me
Justification factory
But I’m not hurting anybody
And if anyone asked
I’d credit thee
The perfect muse for a nutcase like me

He’s out of my league
By a hundred and twenty degrees
And all that really means
Is I can say my heart’s truth
Consequence free
I’m a perpetual youth
Holding a “Tiger Beat” magazine
Constant centerfold is he
Photographs speaking to me
Silently

You witnessed it all
Til it turned to smoke
All the effort
Nothing gained
Lost is hope and confidence
Only the ashes remain
Along with the sooty stain
I know I have no right to complain
But still, I do so, anyway
All the liberties I take
You gave me none
For goodness sake

I write him poetry
Collecting moments
Feelings, musings
Existing once in my mind
And now in my words
Forever together
Words
He and me
Entwined
Via poetry
What that man creates in me
I put out
Universally
Through the art of poetry
And thus
He and I
Will always be
Encapsulated in the free
The oxymoron of poetry

I have set my limit
Given my conditions
And now I must live with it

How long does one have to boycott
The one they can’t stay away from?  
Is there some magic time limit
That will make him notice I’m gone?  
Or even that I was ever there?  
I had to try something different
To get somewhere
Out or in
Attention either way
Boot me out on my ***
Or tell me you want me to stay
His apathy
Painful to me
I suppose it’s really the boot
But I refuse to see his kicking foot
And knowing it’s happening does no good
I justify, give him excuses
And write all these poems
With the boos and the hooses
And hope at some point he chooses
To see me
And give me a shot
Or set me free
He’s not the only somebody
On this entire Earth for me
I know this, rationally
But he’s the only one I see
So I write him poetry
Which I no longer share with he
My art is inconsequential to him
Aching to me
I can’t seem to win
Unfortunately

If I wasn’t angry
I’d be wishing you a happy birthday
But since I’ve got an attitude
With you
(For good reason, too)
I will not be wishing you a happy birthday
This is not me hoping you’re having a
Wonderful day
Lots of joy and happiness all in your way
I didn’t come here to say
I hope you have a happy birthday
In fact
I forgot all about it
What day is it today?
Probably not your birthday
Which is why I am not here
Shhhhhh
That wasn’t even me

As I am left here
To make up my own explanation
I’m gonna say it’s because of fear
He avoided intensity
And all those big emotions that came from me
He wanted to
But just couldn’t pull it through
It was nothing I did
Or didn’t do
It’s not a rejection
It is a lesson
On humility
And still loving someone
When they have no feelings for me
He never pretended
Or fronted or lied
He kept everything inside
And my interpretation of what it could maybe be
Falls on me
And only me
And we will see
What I can be
Now that I am free
But not really
I’m still the fool who’s writing about him
In my poetry

So many love songs shared
Sweet feelings all the way through
But now
What do I do
Should I share the breakup songs too?  
Nope
He will hear no more of my feelings
Read no more of my poems
Over means finished and gone
So he ain’t gonna get anymore songs

I shot myself in the foot
With all those love poems
Written for someone who didn’t read ‘em
Plastered them here and other places
Write in everyones’ faces
Alright
And now
It didn’t work out
And anyone else I catch feelings for
Is gonna see this whole lovesick score
Written by me
To some other man
Maybe I’ll write for him, too
But I’ve already said every
Romantic thing I could say
And the next one who comes my way
Is gonna get some hand-me-down
Watered down
Version of something I already said
About loving someone else until I was dead
And I’ll never get him out of my head
But, now he is fading
A new one will come soon
(I hope)
And I’ve already promised those stars and that moon
To the one who used to make me swoon
Will I be singing the same tune?
I hope it will sound new
And not like “Love Poems,
Slightly revised version, Two”

I’ve noticed you changing
Being more accommodating
It’s surely nice to see
But this little bit means nothing to me
Develop a pattern
And prove you’re sorry
For that back shelf position
Where you left me
And maybe
Just maybe
I will learn to believe

They always say
“Never give up on your dreams”
But what does one do
When you dream of being loved
By someone who doesn’t notice you?
Do you stalk and plead and chase
Continue forever the unwinnable race?
Sleep alone in an imaginary embrace?
Does a dream turn into a nightmare
Holding out for something that will never be there?
When it causes more questions than answers
Maybe it’s time to let go
Or so my ego tells me so
Is it failure to accept
You’re dreaming of something
You’ll never get?

You won’t notice my presence
You may not notice me gone
Noticing me
Seems to be
The one thing you do wrong

I ask him for what I want
And he will not comply
That’s what I get
For falling for such a hard headed guy

You didn’t steal my heart
But you made it work real hard
Beating intensely
Swelling up so immensely
And all of those flutters and skips
Who woulda thought
A heart could do flips?  
Beautiful, smart, artistic man
You’ve never been part of the plan
Suddenly there you are
Or are you here?
Who knows?
But I’d go anywhere
My heart don’t want to hear
That I’d be willing to walk right there
I know I can think it all I want
And my heart will never know
It’s caused me lots of pain
That my heart never listens to my brain

He’s not the one who made me look foolish
That is all on me
He is too **** coolish
And I could not let him be
And even though I know all this
I cannot get myself free
That beautiful man has captured me
And I sit here day by day
Embracing my captivity

I envy those who have the privilege of wearing their hearts on their sleeves
Mine is right on my forehead
In the game of coy
I cannot win
If I grow bangs
It moves down to my chin

I really miss that man who blocked me
He had a reason
With no rhyme
And that **** *****
Every time
He was right for doing so
Though
Lessons learned too late
It was for something I should already know
I am responsible for that unfortunate twist of fate
Handed down by a man more loyal than I
Punishment for my wandering eye
And talking about what I saw
He was right to kick me out
I broke a cardinal law
Between he and I
He brought near perfection
And I brought the fatal flaw

There is no prince upon a steed
Galloping here to rescue me
No Hobbit fulfilling a destiny
Riding high upon a walking tree
If I wanna find a hero
I’ll have to find her in me

You’ll think of me
Occasionally
Maybe not now
But eventually
I will appear in your mind
I’ve settled in your soul
I went in through your skin
Before you knew I was there
But now
You are aware
You ignore
Which is fair
But there’s still something there
You never saw before
***** and rusty
And so much dust
But I still try to shine
Right through my over-baked crust
Inside the flavor
I cannot say
A unique blend of spices
Mostly

What do I do with all my time now
When I used to spend all my time
Thinking of you?
It’s not something that can be worked
Through
So I’ve got to get used to un-youing
You
Clearly not an easy task to do

What is it that holds you back?
Mistrust?
Probably.
Not sure if your doubt
Is placed in you or me
Truth be told
I’m not ready
So maybe the thing
Holding you back
Might be me