The hinges upon which a maybe swings
Potential for any things
Sometimes, if one is really
Desperately
Holding onto  what they want to see  
An unsaid no
Can almost be
A maybe
To someone who refuses to agree  
What obviously
Never will be

I want to say
One day it will be too late
But that wouldn’t be true
I cannot imagine
There will be a date
I wouldn’t go running to you

It’s like untying a knot
Work this lace loose
The next and the next
So many
It’s going very slowly
One day
We both will be free
If you happen to want
Freedom from me

I’m not bleeding
Crying
Or claiming needing
Trying
By feigning my brain is frying
Or want to dying
I’m not berserk or flipping my lid
But would it help me if I did?

How can he not sing?  
Deny the beautiful offering
The silent voice that used to ring
Oh the feels that man will bring
When he remembers how to sing

I am proud of myself
For letting you go
There was a time
I didn’t think it possible
But here I am, sights on someone new
Walking away
With nothing but love for you
Ain’t much different
This girl can do

It’s moving on
But not really
I’m looking back
If you called
I’d be there in a flash
Gotta sorta give up
Little by little
Will it ever be gone?
I’ll probably always answer your song
But you’ve  known that all along
Just another groupie
Battle scarred hoopdee
Halfway gone to loopy
Tryna sparkle in the crowd
Teeny light held up to blazing sun
Glowing maybe differently
But the sun cannot notice me
Either by design, or willingly
It is a possibility
To sparkle invisibly
And apparently
The kind of magic to get noticed
By you  
Is not in my ability

Walking away
Ain’t a hard feeling in play
At least in me
Maybe I called you out too familiarly
Truth being
If I was you
I wouldn’t like me
I behaved aggressively
Assuming an almost intimacy
It wouldn’t a worked if it was done to me

Is there a proper protocol for walking away?
Am I obligated to say
We have had our final day?  
Games we almost play
Forfeited for the too long wait
Stayed around way too late
I suppose an explanation isn’t
Necessary

Trying to win you over
Was like trying to take off in a helicopter
From the ground
In the middle of downtown
And I’ve never even driven a helicopter
I didn’t take off
Yet

It’s not really love
I can’t call it that anymore
It’s adulation, or even worship
Probably maybe
Unhealthy
It should be
It doesn’t seem to have that effect on
Me
But maybe that’s something I don’t want to see

I went after you pretty hard
I put what I had in it
I don’t regret one feeling
Spoken or not
I go in for you hott
The thot deep in thought
Brought what she got

Some people have a need to look down
It could be one of a hundred reasons
Every one of them true
But they got a skew in their view
They don’t even know you
The best thing to do
Is let them pump and postulate
Ego boost and self *******
Then you smile and say “have a nice day”
Thinking “thank goodness I can walk away”

You must think it haughty of me
To speak of you so intimately
I pretend to know you
Or really think I do
Some kinda non existent way
To everyone else but me
It’s crazy
So really
Here I be
Trying to be haughty
And I’m really crazy

Forgetting
Trying to
Anyway
Gonna take a thousand days
From the next beautiful thing you do
So
What that means
Is
On top of all your other talents
You are unforgettable, too
There ain’t no how no way
I’m gonna be forgetting you

Loss
The greatest teacher of all
You can’t learn to walk
Without learning to fall
Nobody great
Scores every play
Success surely has a cost
Paid in advance through loss

Your death
Was the least violent part of your addiction
You beat your body up
Starved yourself
Went through daily sickness
Forced your loved ones
To alienate
Resigning themselves
Against their will
To your self destructive fate
Programs; outpatient and in
Everything they could to stop this
Disease from winning
You revolted
And bolted
To be “free”
To live in a cage
Voluntarily
Your body wracked with this
Horrible disease
Until you went forever to sleep
Did you get what you wanted?
In death are you finally free?

I aim to be
His mental ******* machine
Tickle his brain
Relieve some of his pain
Catch his hope in his chest
Fill up his lungs with his next fresh breath
I want him to see himself through my eyes
Sometimes
And feel his own  effect with his beautiful vibe
Maybe he is too ******* himself
Doesn’t feel worthy of **** near worship
Or maybe it’s annoying
For real, who would want that ****?  
All these “maybes”
To hide the fact
The reason is me
Not accepting what will never be
Ownership of what I cannot achieve
Might be what’s most healthy
But pretending he’s  not there
And I don’t see
How beautiful he be
Does not feel like freedom
To me

Giving in is not giving up

I think it’s probably running dry
When no one else has caught my eye
Directionless
As far as romance goes
Hope the next way I roam
Isn’t destined to remain
Never a home

All the things you never said
Sit inside my head
Unspoken almost token
Of what should have been
Yet never was
Could it be the voices
In my head
Are broken?
Or is it the voice you speak with
That is choking?
Maybe both of us are the cause
Ain’t either one of us lacking flaws
But everyone with common sense and eyes to see
Can ascertain quite easily
The problem surely rests in me
With eyes that think they can hear,
And ears that think they can see

It’s not that I deny my damage
Honey,
I’m a hott mess
Gristled over, sharp edges
Rooms that will change you forever if you open the door
For better or worse
Of course
We won’t be the same
I like myself enough
To know I got the guts
To get through the rough
I see in you
The one with the right stuff
Make me corny enough to write this fluff

He ain’t fresh out the box
Nicks, scratches, scars
Most invisible
He got his demons
Inner vibe ****
He ain’t as up as he seems
Wearing his mask of other mens’ dreams
Why ain’t it perfect, though?
The answers to everything he wanted to know
Sure put on a lovely show
But there’s more
In store
Fireworks galore
To the man who just wants to
Chill indoors

I wish to be the water that meanders down his chest and into his *****
I wish to be the oil in his bones
Deep in the grooves
Part of the system’s sustain
I wish to be the fire
That makes him laugh in the rain
Massage out his aches and pain
I think he thinks I overestimate him
But I think just as much of myself
And I know I’m not overestimating myself
He is lucky
Because of me
Whether or not it be
Something he ever sees

He alters my vibe
No tries or even a drain on his own
I think
That is unknown
My effect on him
Could be a drag
But for that to be
He’d have to be
Different completely
From what I see

I been silly
It would seem
Working on a dream
But work is tedious
I feel inspired
Crafted by a Master
Against his will
The monster he created
Has a brain, still

I don’t take it personally
That you are not ready for me
But I wish I knew
What you see between us
In a year or two

He’s got some kinda mojo  
Filled right up to the brim
Spark of creation still alive
In the soul of him
Ancient primal jinn
Magic in his very skin

Do you know me by now?  
Are you paying attention?
Do you consider any potential
Or is it an empty well
Halfway full
Or somewhere in between
Either side?
Is it a matter of pride
Annoyance
Or somewhere in between
Either side?
Does my pushing pressure
Or motivate?  
Has it always been too late?

Beautiful human being
Too ******* yourself
Turmoil from every direction
Losing the will to cope
Let me offer you mine
Wishes
Prayers
Hope
Take some of mine
You darling person
You deserve it

I touch him
Occasionally
Some miracle way
Without ever being there
I feel it in the air
When I bring
Something to him
Invisibly
And magically
He can nonchalant
All he wants
I make him smile
Lotsa whiles
Under the radar
He sees
With me
Strangers in a crowd
Someday maybe
He will see out loud

I am the surprise
That appeared before your eyes
Surprises are scary
Chaotic
Addictive narcotic
It’s probably wise
To avoid the surprise

Are you responsible for the version
of you I imagine you are
Or is that all my fault
What did you do to make me idolize you
These aren’t really questions
Because they have no answers
The spark comes
Not on purpose
Especially not to me
But here I be
I’m a hanger on
A weight
Upon something towards you
A burden
Could be
Pushing myself
Relentlessly
You’ve done nothing to encourage me
And me feeling full of myself
Like maybe something could be

Too much said already

Maybe it never meant anything
Maybe nobody paid attention to it, but me
But that cannot possibly be
When I play the fool
It’s usually something everyone sees

There he goes
Looking all fine
Natural and easy
Wearing that beautiful smile
There ain’t no gum or no patch
No anonymous meetings
Either
He’s a dream weaver
This is gonna have to be a cold turkey
Quit
How long will it take me to get over it?

I do not take it personally
That you view me
So inconsequentially
Silly and frilly and spilly my guts
While you sit in gilded ruts
But who am I to judge or complain?
You and I, we ain’t the same
Despite my misguided illusion
And ignorant confusion
It ain’t you for me
And it ain’t me for you
And if I say it enough
I might believe it, too

I can’t let go of what I never had
Except an illusion
Goodbye mirage of what it could be
I displayed to you the true me
And you glanced, maybe
Occasionally
But pretended you couldn’t see
I’m done displaying
But I am not yet free

I’m gonna have to pause and reflect
He obviously sees me with my neck
Chopping block ready
He’s holding the axe
And instead of giving it a good whack
He’s waiting for something
I don’t know what
Apparently for me to make my own cut
He’s got no plans to feed this chicken
And he ain’t gonna eat me, either
I’m just a self-teaser
Thinking the thoughts
Saying the words
Being ignored, instead of heard
It ain’t his fault
It’s all my own
I went to town
Like a clown
Wondering why he’s not coming around
Silly fool me
I showed up naked
For the costume party
And thought I could see
A really great guy maybe looking at me
Wondering if he could like what he sees
And deciding it’s not worth….

Any effort at all
He’s gonna let me run into that wall

On this journey with no end in sight
And I can’t figure out
Whether to turn left or turn right
Or turn back
On what may be a futile fight
Long, lonely night
Trying to see a little bit of light
With all of my might
I ain’t got the right
To ask you to help me take flight

I threw everything I had at you
Over and over
Relentlessly too
Ringing and ringing
You answer no call
I was playing catch
While you played dodgeball
I could think of it as a downfall
But really, I’ve lost nothing at all
You’ve lost nothing too
So the game is a tie
I thought we could win
But that’s maybe a lie
I told myself so I could almost see
Some ridiculous fantasy
You and me
Not meant to be
And maybe someday
I’ll be willing to see
And I’ll become
Some
Obscure footnote in your history
Apparently
What it was always meant to be

Is it fear
Of the fuzzy person
Trying to make herself clear?
Or perhaps disdain
Of the persistent poet
Putting worms in your brain
Or maybe complete disinterest
Like a forced exercise
When you want to rest
Or maybe it’s really funny to you
Watching some dummy play the fool
Because you are just that cool
To reach on in to your woman pool
And draw out something better
Than anything I could do
Are you waiting for me to disappear
Or somehow be more clear
I couldn’t have tried any harder
I’ve got only words
With which I can barter
But what good will it do
To speak lovingly to you
Through the internet
Far and near
When I’m trying to talk
To deaf ears

You owe me nothing
But why wouldn’t you
Drop some kinda word
Give this poor girl a clue
Is this just a game to you
Where you don’t have to play
And you make all the rules
Do I add up to only entertainment value
Or are you so out of touch
You haven’t a clue
That some crazy girl
Is pursuing you
Questions
Questions
No question marks
The lines are incomplete
Grammarless
Pointless
One grain of sugar
On what should be real sweet
Hopscotch board too far to jump
Some foolish chump
Needs a swift kick in the ****
I went to see Oscar the Grouch
And found ***** the Grump
I’m those ******* morons
Following Trump
Believing he wants to make things easy
At a low point in their lives
They stand there and kowtow and howl
While he throws out some paper towels
I’ve got no ******* and an overactive bowel
It just feels so pathetic and foul
That would be me
Chasing you so pathetically
Not even sure if you see
After all this heartfelt effort
You won’t even acknowledge me
Do you think I’m that lowly?
Or do you no longer even bother to see
The musing of some foolish girl
Who won’t go away
Or do you secretly want me to stay?
Maybe you’ll let me know someday

It doesn’t have to be
Between me and anybody
I got plenty of friends and family
And the water falls out of my tub faucet at the perfect speed
Whatever the thing between you and me
Maybe something, or nothing, or forever “we’ll see”
You’re not here
And I’m still complete
Maybe as much as I’m ever gonna be
But that’s OK; I’m happy with me
Completely incomplete
There is nothing from you that I need
It just seems
You could take me to my dreams
And who knows what that trip could do for you?
You might find out you’re dreaming too

How do you resist?
And why am I the only one feeling like this?  
The rumble in my soul
Inner magnet’s pull
Right down to my pit
Battery-less *******
Sitting on my ****
I don’t know what to do
With any of that ****
If you can’t feel it too
What’s a girl to do?
Focus on something new?  
It’s not the kind of thing I can force
But I’ve gotta fill it up somehow
Of course
Off course
For sure
Thorn and bramble
Quicksand, too
This ******* cursed course!  
Maybe it’s not something I can do
Tomorrow, and lots of tomorrows too
No end
Maybe
I suppose it all depends on me
How long does one walk to feel free?

The version of me
Tethered to you
Is artistic and funny
And hopeful, too
Something more and better
Than myself alone
Sort of almost going home
You bring out the magic in me
Bibbity boop and alicka zee
Your mojo and my magic
There’s no limit to what that could be

He’s ***** deep
In all of this
Losing sleep
Looking at me
That is what I want to see

I am the old lady
Stumbling down a dark, hard path
Telling myself there’s sunlight
And I’m frolicking in the grass
Gassed up grassed up
Ready to go
Fast or slow
Waiting to know
Which direction to go

It could potentially be
Something epic between you and me
Don’t you wanna see?

I am the perpetual optimist
Something right will come from this
Effort seemingly in vain
Something to remain
I didn’t lose
And neither did you

Bit into the hook
Tugged on the line
Lots of times
Sitting out in the sea
Stuck on a hook
Fisherman!
Reel me in
And either set me free
Or eat me!