The loss
The LOSS
The ache of empty
Empty arms
Empty heart
Empty space where he used to be
The ache of watching
Everybody
You love
Hurt so badly
Nothing
NOTHING
Will ever be the same
She is facing the LOSS
Even the hardiest humans
Can never tame
I cannot help her
Neither can you
We write impotent poetry
Recall our favorite memories
Dream of those wonderful days
How it used to be
When things were together
And perfect
Before we recognized that perfection
For what it was
We ******* about minor details
Dog **** in the yard
Taking too long in a line
Flat tire
Ran out of wine
Such a privilege
To ***** about little things
Back when life was fine
I have nothing to offer
But my love
And a few rhyming lines

I wonder if he knows I hate that shirt.  
How could he not?  
I’ve only said it
About him
Out loud
Every time he wears it
He probably wears it to spite me
For having the nerve to have an opinion
He has no obligation to look beautiful
According to my narrow standards
And when I say them
He spites me
By looking beautiful
Anyway
In that **** shirt

I want to be his medicine
I want to heal his soul
I want to bring him peace
Like he has never known
I want to bring him chaos, too
I want to bring it all
Give him pain and comfort
With my wild call
He sits on perches
Preening, playing,
Perfect to view
He wants for nothing
So what’s a hen to do?
He does not sing or caw or call
He thinks he’s already said it all
And frankly he could stay silent
And still be worth the time
Quiet bird
He may be free
When his cage is only imaginary

There is nothing wrong with it
But it could be more right
With the right One
Right is rare
When it comes to romance
At least for me
I envy those who have it
It is what I yearn for
A partner
So rare
Yet people find their partners all the time
It is Magic I cannot control
Even when I blatantly try
I have my One
Out of reach
Shooting way beyond my station
I suspect someone will come along
Who captures my attention
Which, admittedly, is not a
Hott commodity
No one around is romancing me
Yet I am haughty enough to believe
My attention is priceless
The realest thing you can give to a person is
Attention
Priceless Attention

I put these here
Little shards of who I be
One day
There won’t be
A part of me
You did not see

There is no such thing as a path that leads to nowhere
Maybe it didn’t get you
Where you wanted to go
But you’re still somewhere else
Than where you started
And along the way
You grow

Too hott off the press
The girl is a mess
Yet
Very selective
In whom she will
Bless
With her
Disorganized
Chaotic
Beautiful mess
That man is worthy of nothing less

I should be embarrassed
Standing here naked
For all to see
But nobody is paying
Any attention to me
So here I post
Determinedly
Someday
Someone will see
Whoever it be
The right one for me
Will
Tie me up
While setting me free

The beauty in his rejection
Isn’t too hard to see
I’ve created all this poetry
He and I
Not meant to be
But this remains
My testimony
I cannot have him
Like I wish it would be
But still, I approach him
Thankfully

I like me
Maybe it’s overconfidence
Or stupidity
But I’m forcing myself here
So you can know me
Assuming you’ll fall in like
With what you see
All this effort put in by me
It’s like somebody passed me a mike
And I walked up on stage
Filled with sass and frass
Confident you won’t resist my ***
You ain’t no fool
You know I’m madd cool
You won’t hold out forever
I have an invisible way with you  
Deeper than surface
Thicker than blood
Time immortal
This union be
Even if you never connect with me
It’s already there
The stone that will never crumble
Art is eternal

You punish me
Unintentionally
Make me believe you do not care to see
Me
Allow me to walk down this path
Alone
Won’t even throw me a **** bone
Letting me wonder what do you see
Or if you even notice me
Effort and honesty
I present to thee
And you present to me
Empty
I do not know what to perceive
Am I getting on your nerves?
Do you wish I would just leave?
Stop stirring things up unnecessarily?
Throwing flailing, foul curves?
Taking you through uncomfortable swerves
I set myself up for this punishment
So now I can’t complain
But here I am
*******
And I probably will be
Again

It’s a mission
To show you who I am
***** it out here for you to see
Which has to mean everybody
I think I’ve got likability
But I just happen to like me
I don’t know what you see
Brash, brazen, unapologetic me
For who I be
And what I want
And what kind of beautiful picture I see
In a future of you and me
If we get friendly

I presume you find begging unattractive
(Who wouldn’t?)
So I’m trying to do it with style and grace
Prancing  around in a tutu
Pretending that I don’t have egg on my face

I have a super power
Invisibility
Nobody notices me
Trying to see the bright side
In current realities
Which is probably a super power too

If I were Frida
You would be me
If you were the vote
I’d be Susan B. Anthony
If I were a slave
You’d be being free
I am a poet
You are my muse
Maybe against your will
I have put you to use
It is a theft, really
To create art out of someone’s energy
But how can one steal
Something that’s free?  
It’s probably not easy being me
But from my point of view
It seems to be
What more could an artist ever wish for
Than such an incredible muse?
It’s rhyme
And a chaos of words
Right
And left
And mostly right
And then,
Mostly left again
All over the place
Yet so focused
Obviously not bogus
But that’s just from my point of view
I have no idea what it feels like
To be the muse
I do know, for sure
I wouldn’t be as good as you
The perfect muse

It’s only me
Feeling this chemistry
With he
Tie that binds to itself
Wishes and dreams
Too many liberties
With how I perceive it to be
I know it is imaginary
But it seems so real to me

I must remind myself
Lack of resistance
Is not encouragement
In fact
Lack of encouragement
Is resistance

Clarity
A gift not often
Gladly received
Or given easily
I could write a poem about it
But I’m still stuck in the weeds

My children are my legacy
But they are grown
And don’t need me
So now I write my poetry

Everything to lose
Or everything to gain
The way things are now
You can’t complain
Why make a move
When you don’t have to?
So what’s this lovesick girl to do?
There’s no reason for you to come through
Blameless, beautiful, too good to be true
You
Maybe you feel you can’t measure up
To the vision I have of you
But isn’t that just another way
Of calling me a fool?
(And you know that isn’t true)
You definitely give me credit
You know I’m properly schooled
We could be cool
I know you feel it, Boo
Open the door
Let me walk through
Who knows where it goes?
Wherever that be
I feel that it’s something
You’d want to see
But maybe it ain’t
You can already tell
Or maybe a mix of the both
I promise you will not regret
Letting me get close
Plain and simple
I promise you will not regret
Letting me get close

How can it be
You have this invisible hold on me?
Unrealistic insanity
Willingly
By me
It’s not unhealthy
Nor ugly
Or something that needs to be feared
But obviously
It’s kind of weird

I woo him so earnestly
Practically
Like a knight trying to earn
The badge of chivalry
I give him all of me
Albeit distantly
And he pays little to no
Attention to me
Hurtful it be
Because I take it so personally
But how else could one perceive
Baring their soul to somebody
Who does not want to see?
Sometimes I wish he would say
“*****, would you just go away”
He’s got no motivation to speak
My game is too weak
I’m past my peak
I’m not what he seeks
I need lots of tweaks
And then
I realize
It’s really got nothing to do with me
Sometimes there’s just no reason
Things cannot be
And the fault doesn’t lie
With him
Or with me
It might just not be meant to be
And I’m still happy
I really like me
And even though he don’t want it that way
He probably will agree
As far as admirers go
He couldn’t do much better than me
So I’ll keep on admiring
Because he’s so worthy

It might be that
He is too big for me
With
All of that pure energy
And beautiful personality
But I am a woman
Mired in greed
Aspirations bigger than
My ability
I’d rise, though
And grow
To be
Better than I could have believed
And I’ll still do that
Anyway
Regardless of what
He takes or leaves

It is
Indeed
In deeds
We be
But words are free
And serve when deeds are an
Impossibility

I cannot hear what you don’t say
Silence is not your typical way
Could be black or white
But you choose gray
It’s perfectly ok
That you don’t want to play
You have your reasons
Valid and true
If I ain’t your flavor
I hope you find what you savor
I pray you have in your crew
Someone delicious to you

Past the stage of blissful anonymity
He will not acknowledge me
I suppose it means that I am free
These ties are all imaginary
And even though I know it
Chained to him is still where I be
Completely unromantically

I cannot understand how he could have
Fallen  for her
An otherwise perfect man
Feeding the greedy cat with the
Persistent purr
Glamour on the skin
Pettiness within
How he missed all that
Before he got too far in
Is so far from right
It’s almost a sin.
Still smell ****
From what that man stepped in
It will bring stress and strife
Falling for the beautiful ***
Without making sure it’s well-wiped

In my imagination
He finds me highly entertaining
And sometimes I give him a *****

I don’t really belong to you
Yet I kinda sorta do
Since you’re the standard
To which everyone
Is held up to

Bonafide nutcases
Explaining their thoughts
Maybe confusion
Maybe clarity
Depending upon
What one receives

Abandoned
Deserved or not
Maybe a lifetime of this
Set far apart
Missing almost from the grid
Sort of solitary
Confinement
Sad poetry
Written by me
Karma
It must be
Alone with only me
Writing sad poetry
Bumming you out
Probably
What’s the use?!
Sad poetry

I want to bring you discomfort
I want you to feel smothered by the cocoon
You have gotten so used to
It is there gagging you
The butterfly
Refusing to break through
Such is the curse
Of comfortable cocoons
Yet
It’s been so many moons
Your ideas
Breaking through
You simply cannot help it, Boo
That **** cocoon cannot hold you

I write him far-away poems
Jerking off in lamplight
Public *******
Reflecting back on my face
Screen attachment to a maybe
Baby

The undeniable can be ignored
One would assume it couldn’t
I’ve seen impossibilities before
When what one is compelled to do
Might be something they shouldn’t
There’s no way to know ahead of time
Whether it end in roses or in the bramble
But most things really worth doing
Are gonna be a gamble

He is my muse
Rarely on time
Though always with the right line
He will never be mine
But these poems live forever
As part of me
Which is probably more
Than most lovers
Have in store
And ever will be

I am a slinger of words
Some slings linger

Dear future Valentine
I am waiting
Celibately
Until you come for me

I don’t need you to thrive
Or maybe I do
Nobody else
But you
Boo
Maybe some day
You will know it, too

I remain tightly knotted
Intertwined
Bound to your line
But you’ve got so much slack
It’s unnoticeable to you
This tug of war
To get a twitch on your end
Is all this lonely fisherwoman
Can do
I cling to the pole
Replenish the bait
And wait for the current
To carry my fate

Everything to say
Then
Nothing at all
In the space of a minute
The rise…the fall

It will happen
One day
When one you trusted
Will turn and betray
You’ll feel like a sucker
Let yaself get played
But you’re not the one on the fade
The real fool in the room
Is the one who
Looses you

It’s not empty if you can help
Maybe it’s just with positive vibes
And wishes
Helpless
With intention and direction
Is not hopeless

Break my heart
Play me
Tear me apart
Twist me into spiral art
Better than the numbness
No passion
Icy cold against my will
Bring the flames
Relight the thrill

There is no way to play with fire
It can be used
But not played with
Fire wants to be a tool
Not a toy

It is like looking for small roaches in full
Ashtrays
Your hands are gonne get *****
But it will probably be worth it
And the stain washes off
Easily
With soap and water

I get closer
Every day

Sometimes there is only the long way
It’s a magic road that sets me back,
The second I take a shortcut
And the road is already impossibly long
It is worth going
If you are there
And if you are not
There have been sunny days
And enthralling breezes
It was worth going
Either way

The perfect poem exists
But not
It’s the one that jumps into your mind
When you don’t have the time
To commit it to permanency
And as much as you try to
Grasp at the vapors
It will forever remain a mystery
But isn’t that what perfect things are supposed to be?

I wonder if he would notice my absence
Whether by something
Inexplicable missing
Or
Would he recognize
What’s missing was me
Would he come looking
Or would he feel free?
I don’t have the will to test my theory
But I believe he would feel
The absence of me

What you see
Is only me
Standing here, singularly
Invisible to the naked eye
My ancestral team
Riding hard and riding high
The dirt you do may get past me
But I promise you, Boo
They will see