Should I take it personally
Knowing that you
Don’t want to know me
You’ve got your reasons
Valid and real
I do not possess universal appeal
I can’t question your judgement
I think you’re great
Whether or not
You want me on your plate
I stand aside
Offering a bounty
From which you don’t want to feed
And for now
Alone I eat
Which has to be
Enough for me

I’m buried in red flags
Almost magically
Vivid to everyone else
Invisible to me

Give me a vibe, Boo
I thought you said that you were cool
Ain’t there some kinda rule?
That you gotta keep it real
If you wanna be cool
It’s not something you couldn’t do
Nothing ain’t something
And never could be
And I don’t see
Why you can’t give something to me

I am an ant in the room
Competing with the elephant
For notice
But as an ant
I should plainly see
I don’t want the elephant
To notice me

I can only take it personally
When someone don’t see
The cool in me
Upon which
Not everyone agrees

I don’t know if it belongs where I put it

It means more
Than you give it credit for
It gives you space
You give it space
Which equals time
Standing in place
In all this space

I wonder how it will be
When I love someone other than thee
And he will see
Right here in this poetry
How much you meant to me
And maybe
I’ll wish I never wrote them
Momentarily

Buried in his apathy
There’s a better place to be
Surely
But that would mean
I’d have nothing to do with he
There ain’t no better for me
Even if it means
All I see
Is his apathy
Apparently
That is all he’ll give to me
So I must accept
His gift preciously
His apathy

Temper turns temples to dust
Temper brings about unjust
Washes up a stupid storm
Smart decisions not the norm
I, me, the biggest dummy
When the temper strikes in me

Through these starry eyes which I look
The hint has been took
But that doesn’t mean
I will finish this book
It will probably
Be over someday
We shall see
We shall see
Probably

Giving up
On something important
When do I say when?
Maybe it should have been long ago
But here I still am
Trying as hard as I can
Maybe it’s pitiful
I know I’m a fool
But there is no universal
Giving up rule
I don’t know if I should quit
But you do

It’s not in my destiny
To come to you
Comfortably
Neither for you
Nor for me
It could be
We will never get there
We shall see

It’s hard to be done
With something
I never really got to start
Can a finish be before a start
Or did I start
And get no where?
Is that starting?
And can it be finished
When there’s still so many questions?
I suppose acceptance rarely comes
With answers from anyone
Other than myself

Do you feel bled on?
Or vomited on?
Smelly uncomfortable
Purged onto the page
In front of you
Or is it a delicious stew
Intoxicating
Toxicly
Is that what it be?
Wish I knew
How I feel to you

Rejection
With a side of
Self torture
It’s no one’s fault
It didn’t work out
You quietly ignore
Today as before
Not even sure
If you can see the door

Acceptance
Processed
Painfully
Against the way
I wish it could be
Can’t pretend that I don’t see
You just ain’t feeling me
Maybe I could look at it differently
Now I’m free
Now I’m free
If only I wanted to be
That would make me happy

I thought it would be
An impossibility
That you wouldn’t inspire me
To write more poetry
But you don’t care to see
So I’m really only writing for me
I suppose that’s the best way to be
Self-inspired poetry
But unfortunately
I am mostly bored by me
How can I not be?
When I am always stuck with me
Now I’m mostly bored with you
You give me nothing to believe
Nothing new to see
And when you share the same old thing
It’s rarely

You’re really lucky
To have a stalker like me
Instead of threatening ****** injury
I’m busy
Writing you poetry
One-of-a-kind testimonies
To your unique beauty
Outside, of course
But also internally
I pay attention to
And bother to see
Tell you you’re wonderful
Say when you’re not
Bringing you something priceless
That cannot be bought
You don’t have to wonder
My commitment
Mister, you must know by now
And I know, too
I mean something to you
Though I probably freak you right out
But that only means
It’s not taken lightly
You won’t pretend or let me believe
Something you don’t really feel
And as much as I wish it were different
I thank you for keeping it real

I’m probably crazy
For perceiving your hard no
As an almost maybe
Wanting it so bad
Can make a girl hazy
Which I perceive as
Almost not crazy

I can tell this is not a good day for you
What happened, Boo?
Did you have to keep going
When you thought you were through?
Did you think you had twelve
But you only had two?
Were you interrupted
During your morning *****?
Were you doing *** exercises
And only your stomach grew?
Did the heel break off your favorite shoe?
Did you have a full work load and a skeleton crew?
****** days happen, but you’ll make it through

I wish I could say that he took me for granted
But he took me for nothing at all
His disinterest would have been legendary
If there was a measure for how much someone don’t want to see
I got on my knees
Said lots of pleas
Asked for help from a God I don’t truly believe
Wrote a whole lot of poetry
Shared lots of music, too
Tried everything I could think to do
He didn’t appreciate even one bit
Nothing ever to come of it
That’s his right
No hard feelings
All my might, I tried
Never got one toe inside
Nothing granted
Except this free ride
Round and round
On the invisible train
To nowhere town

I know you’re not perfect
Nobody can be
But that don’t mean
You’re not right for me
It’s a lot to expect
Pressure most likely
But you might regret
If you don’t try to see
But the fact that you’re tepid
Is how you should be
If you had no fear
I couldn’t believe
You felt it importantly

What’s a heartsick girl to do?  
Maybe you don’t believe in me
Maybe you don’t believe in you
I got enough faith for both of us two

Now I lay me down to bed
Mum doesn’t want me filled with dread
I go to sleep with no sorrow
Knowing I will  wake tomorrow
Thank you, Lord, for every breath
From now until my faraway death
I’ll do my best to live life well
They will never see my soul in Hell

Desire cares not about right or wrong
It don’t give a **** if you wait far too long
Desire will keep you guessing and unsure
It will invite you onto the porch and not open the door
Desire sits in your stomach like a stone
It will introduce you to friends
And you’ll still feel alone
Desire will cause you to obsess
So many options ignored for one best
Desire will bring you down to the well
Dying of thirst
A whole new Hell
Unable to swallow
Throat sore and swelled
Thirst
The worst
When it will end
No one can tell

Breathing through my eyes
Hearing through my skin
Feeling through my ears
You open my senses
And you ain’t even here
I’d probably be able to taste the air
If you were near

Is it a credit to me
That I’m not as bad as I should be?
I had it hard and didn’t crumble
Whoopie
I’d rather have had it easy

I got something to say to you
…
Forget it
What’s the use?

I think of you
And what you may be going through
I think of you
And send my love
Though  I am not one of His followers
I am asking your God for help from above
It’s gotta be an extra special prayer
If I take myself to go there
Praying to your God
Do I even dare?
Yes, I do
Because I care about you
And I’d do anything
To help you get through
So I say “Dear God,”
And I say “Amen,” too

I bet your skin
Tastes like salt and lemon

I didn’t crawl through shards of glass
I didn’t have to scoot upon my ***
I’ve never walked through any fire
Never balanced upon a thin high wire
I wasn’t forced through an electrified grid
But I got no head start, like others did

You the closest to perfect
I ever seen
Any place I’ve ever been
Might’ve had someone good
Beautiful
Smelling like fresh cedar wood
But it’s deeper than that
What comes from you
It’s pure and raw and true
Goosebumps galore
From every pore
Wish you’d bang me til my
***** was sore
Til that poor kitty cat can’t take no more
Settling some ancient score
Finish spent
To refill the core

I see you looking at me
Or maybe it’s imaginary
But I always look to maybe see
You looking at me
You beautiful human being
Got me remembering a forgotten dream

I tell myself lies
To protect my ego
Twist what I know
Ignore the bruise on my pride
I tell myself lies
You enjoy my poetry
You feel very flattered by me
You may not care to see
Or even know me
But I tell myself lies
I pretend to believe

Your silence screams so loud at me
******* out my energy
I strain for a sound
Hopefully
It doesn’t help to beg
But
Please

Sometimes I wish for the chance to be great
Some opportunity where I can test my metal
And find my fate
If it’s gonna come
It’s coming late
Maybe the problem is
That I wait
Whoever waited
To be great?  
Nobody you’ve heard of, I’m sure
The suggestion, itself, is absurd

Letting go is easy
When it wasn’t real
So why is this hard?
Thin air and thought patterns
Connection invented
Somehow cemented
Me to this yard
Even though it isn’t real
Letting go is hard

I am defiantly
Expecting a miracle
Who the **** I think I be?
Worthy?
Why not me?  
I strived real hard
Deservedly
That’s how it seems
To me
Feeling worthy
But it depends upon
What you believe
Which, frankly
Is not a knock on me
I am still worthy
Regardless of what you see
Miracle-lessly

I know you’re not right in the head
Mind tricks via chemistry
The opposite of magic, it be
But I’m wrong in the head
Coincidentally
In the right places
To make closer to you somewhere I would like to be
The somethings wrong with you
Might turn right
When mixed with
The somethings wrong with me
You can see better than me
And it must be
As I believe
Because if it wasn’t
You’d have said that
Somehow
To me
Kindly
This I believe

One day
You will notice me
And everything
Or nothing could be
Either way
It’d still be sweet
You’re missing out on
Just as much as me

The shadow of a beautiful form
After years of weird
The welcome norm
Inexplicably unique
As normal can be
Few people get it
Not you, and not me
Relaxed and routine
And a feeling of free
But when is right
Ever meant to be?

It’s not his fault

I don’t say
Today
What I almost say
Used to be a day
I would’ve

Watch me disappear
Before your eyes
Been hanging ‘round here
Begging for replies
Too many times
Unanswered
Pushed aside
Stayed too long
****!
I’m gone

Some days I feel defeated
Energy depleted
Ungreeted
Unhalfway meeted
Walking down this endless street
Blisters all over my feet
You pass by, occasionally
You look, but you don’t see
Ignoring how hungry I be
It’s not your fault that I don’t eat
There’s a buffet in front of me
But I only want your meat
I’ll starve, rather than eat
Anything but your treat
Wasting away, so skinny
Self-imposed defeat

The yucky part of me
Thinking I’m due some clarity
It isn’t true
But your refusal to give it
Is the yucky part of you
At least that’s how it looks
From my point of view
But all of that is only
Cause I don’t want to see
What you have shown to me
Via blatant apathy
The yucky part of you
Only exists because I refuse
That clarity
You’ve already given to me
I’m too yucky to see it
Willingly
I probably
Owe you an apology
But instead of giving it
I do not give up
My yucky ways
I’m stuck on yucky
You see
And you seem to be
Stuck with me

I have a good life
If you’re paying attention you see
I don’t need anything you could give to me
Materially
I suspect, though
I could gain a lot from you
Spiritually
At least as much as
You could gain from me
Maybe we’ll see
Maybe we’ll see

Look at all these men around
There’s one on the porch
Putting the mail in the box
He’s actually kind of a fox
There’s another mowing his lawn
Low pants showing the top of his moon in the morn
Here a man
There a man
Everywhere a man
Millions in this state, it’s true
So why oh why oh why oh
Why oh why oh why oh
Can’t I want any one of them
Other than you?
So **** set on on the imaginary view
When only the best will do

I tell my truth to deaf ears
And this I knowingly do
Often
It’s true
Dear ears and deaf ears
Both need to hear
Truth
It’s always of some use
Truth is still truth
Even if it’s mute