What’s a heartsick girl to do?  
Maybe you don’t believe in me
Maybe you don’t believe in you
I got enough faith for both of us two

Now I lay me down to bed
Mum doesn’t want me filled with dread
I go to sleep with no sorrow
Knowing I will  wake tomorrow
Thank you, Lord, for every breath
From now until my faraway death
I’ll do my best to live life well
They will never see my soul in Hell

Desire cares not about right or wrong
It don’t give a **** if you wait far too long
Desire will keep you guessing and unsure
It will invite you onto the porch and not open the door
Desire sits in your stomach like a stone
It will introduce you to friends
And you’ll still feel alone
Desire will cause you to obsess
So many options ignored for one best
Desire will bring you down to the well
Dying of thirst
A whole new Hell
Unable to swallow
Throat sore and swelled
Thirst
The worst
When it will end
No one can tell

Breathing through my eyes
Hearing through my skin
Feeling through my ears
You open my senses
And you ain’t even here
I’d probably be able to taste the air
If you were near

Is it a credit to me
That I’m not as bad as I should be?
I had it hard and didn’t crumble
Whoopie
I’d rather have had it easy

I got something to say to you
…
Forget it
What’s the use?

I think of you
And what you may be going through
I think of you
And send my love
Though  I am not one of His followers
I am asking your God for help from above
It’s gotta be an extra special prayer
If I take myself to go there
Praying to your God
Do I even dare?
Yes, I do
Because I care about you
And I’d do anything
To help you get through
So I say “Dear God,”
And I say “Amen,” too

I bet your skin
Tastes like salt and lemon

I didn’t crawl through shards of glass
I didn’t have to scoot upon my ***
I’ve never walked through any fire
Never balanced upon a thin high wire
I wasn’t forced through an electrified grid
But I got no head start, like others did

You the closest to perfect
I ever seen
Any place I’ve ever been
Might’ve had someone good
Beautiful
Smelling like fresh cedar wood
But it’s deeper than that
What comes from you
It’s pure and raw and true
Goosebumps galore
From every pore
Wish you’d bang me til my
***** was sore
Til that poor kitty cat can’t take no more
Settling some ancient score
Finish spent
To refill the core

I see you looking at me
Or maybe it’s imaginary
But I always look to maybe see
You looking at me
You beautiful human being
Got me remembering a forgotten dream

I tell myself lies
To protect my ego
Twist what I know
Ignore the bruise on my pride
I tell myself lies
You enjoy my poetry
You feel very flattered by me
You may not care to see
Or even know me
But I tell myself lies
I pretend to believe

Your silence screams so loud at me
******* out my energy
I strain for a sound
Hopefully
It doesn’t help to beg
But
Please

Sometimes I wish for the chance to be great
Some opportunity where I can test my metal
And find my fate
If it’s gonna come
It’s coming late
Maybe the problem is
That I wait
Whoever waited
To be great?  
Nobody you’ve heard of, I’m sure
The suggestion, itself, is absurd

Letting go is easy
When it wasn’t real
So why is this hard?
Thin air and thought patterns
Connection invented
Somehow cemented
Me to this yard
Even though it isn’t real
Letting go is hard

I am defiantly
Expecting a miracle
Who the **** I think I be?
Worthy?
Why not me?  
I strived real hard
Deservedly
That’s how it seems
To me
Feeling worthy
But it depends upon
What you believe
Which, frankly
Is not a knock on me
I am still worthy
Regardless of what you see
Miracle-lessly

I know you’re not right in the head
Mind tricks via chemistry
The opposite of magic, it be
But I’m wrong in the head
Coincidentally
In the right places
To make closer to you somewhere I would like to be
The somethings wrong with you
Might turn right
When mixed with
The somethings wrong with me
You can see better than me
And it must be
As I believe
Because if it wasn’t
You’d have said that
Somehow
To me
Kindly
This I believe

One day
You will notice me
And everything
Or nothing could be
Either way
It’d still be sweet
You’re missing out on
Just as much as me

The shadow of a beautiful form
After years of weird
The welcome norm
Inexplicably unique
As normal can be
Few people get it
Not you, and not me
Relaxed and routine
And a feeling of free
But when is right
Ever meant to be?

It’s not his fault

I don’t say
Today
What I almost say
Used to be a day
I would’ve

Watch me disappear
Before your eyes
Been hanging ‘round here
Begging for replies
Too many times
Unanswered
Pushed aside
Stayed too long
****!
I’m gone

Some days I feel defeated
Energy depleted
Ungreeted
Unhalfway meeted
Walking down this endless street
Blisters all over my feet
You pass by, occasionally
You look, but you don’t see
Ignoring how hungry I be
It’s not your fault that I don’t eat
There’s a buffet in front of me
But I only want your meat
I’ll starve, rather than eat
Anything but your treat
Wasting away, so skinny
Self-imposed defeat

The yucky part of me
Thinking I’m due some clarity
It isn’t true
But your refusal to give it
Is the yucky part of you
At least that’s how it looks
From my point of view
But all of that is only
Cause I don’t want to see
What you have shown to me
Via blatant apathy
The yucky part of you
Only exists because I refuse
That clarity
You’ve already given to me
I’m too yucky to see it
Willingly
I probably
Owe you an apology
But instead of giving it
I do not give up
My yucky ways
I’m stuck on yucky
You see
And you seem to be
Stuck with me

I have a good life
If you’re paying attention you see
I don’t need anything you could give to me
Materially
I suspect, though
I could gain a lot from you
Spiritually
At least as much as
You could gain from me
Maybe we’ll see
Maybe we’ll see

Look at all these men around
There’s one on the porch
Putting the mail in the box
He’s actually kind of a fox
There’s another mowing his lawn
Low pants showing the top of his moon in the morn
Here a man
There a man
Everywhere a man
Millions in this state, it’s true
So why oh why oh why oh
Why oh why oh why oh
Can’t I want any one of them
Other than you?
So **** set on on the imaginary view
When only the best will do

I tell my truth to deaf ears
And this I knowingly do
Often
It’s true
Dear ears and deaf ears
Both need to hear
Truth
It’s always of some use
Truth is still truth
Even if it’s mute

Every time I think of you
I send good vibes your way
Purposefully
A bunch of times each day
It is my silent gift
You may not even get
But some
You receive
I’ll bet

These are priceless things
I bring

Let me order your chaos
And disrupt your still
Let me be your evil queen
Poison apples
Of red and green
Death so serene
It will feel like a dream
I say all that
But it’s no horror scene
I’m not as dangerous
As I seem

It’s not easy to let go of you
A piece of my soul
Is going, too

I hope I have been a blessing to you
But I could have been a burden, too
Maybe a little of both
I must’ve said something that made you
Choke
But you still got air
And you ain’t broke
I hope you’re better off somehow
Since I been coming around
You’re the silent type
Don’t show any clues
But what you keep in your hand
Screams silently
As loud as a silent scream can be
Everyone hears it
Except me

It’s not really love
It never was
It’s just an overblown crush
Shook in the can
Opened in front of that man
Spewing sticky sweet
“I’m your biggest fan”
And as he gets showered
With bubbles and gush
He doesn’t react much
The boy turns away
Like anyone would
Thinking “this crush spewing ***** is up to no good.”
If it was love
It wouldn’t be messy
But it might not have been as sweet
Love has nothing to prove
Nothing to move
Love is already there
I’ve gotta accept
I’ve been a fool
Claiming feelings that don’t compare
Attached to a man
Who I don’t even know
Foolish girl
To make a ghost
The center of my world
Imaginary position
Of great importance
Without even an interview
All that being said
It still feels just as true

Why I gotta be
Left with regrets
Over things that are never gonna happen
Yet
Someday, some glorious day
It’ll happen
I bet
And this is how I pretend
I don’t have regrets

I have nothing left to show you
My soul came through
I know you knew
You watched it grew
You saw it skew
Slip in the mud
Go for a loop
Some days I gave you a beaut  
There was a lot of ugly, too
I know you knew
I did all I could do
I know you knew

One day
You’re gonna come my way
And that is what I have to say
To keep doubtful demons at bay
They like to play
Rainy games
Rusty chains
Exhausted brains
Unstaked claims
But demons and angels play the same
Too much spare time
Fuzzy frames

I want to taste your sweat
I want to lick clean your ***** places
You’d like that, I’ll bet
I want to untie the knots in your muscles
I want to light the fire under your hustle
I want to make you laugh down in your belly
I want to dance until our legs are jelly
I want to honor you as my muse
I want to feel put to good use
I want your partner to accept a truce
I want you to take a break from the flute
Go down into your roots
Ya Boi likely wants that too
I want to be invisible
To everyone here, but you
I want to be your muse
And for you
To put me to good use

All these little pieces of me
Form a whole
Eventually
What you see
If you piece it together
Maybe
Has nothing to do with me

I am the potter spinning yarn
I’m the cop trying to direct traffic with a broken arm
I’m the stone cutter without a blade
The mafia wannabe, who never got made
I am the Rockette without any kick
I am the lab rat who just won’t get sick
I am the movie that goes on way too long
And on and on
On and on
C’mon Boo, just one more song
I am the prowler audacious
Perpetually
Heading in blindly
Yet apparently
You are blind to me
Because you want to be
And I remain
What you refuse to see
Your choice to not be
You know you
Better than me
The kickless Rockette
Flops around the set
Lamely
Because she stubbornly believes
There are no kicks
Where she’s s’posed to be

You are all of what Disney didn’t show me
On who a prince could be

The desert does not care how thirsty I be
The sun shines on me
Remotely
But I still be
Kissed warmly
By his beautiful heat
Even if I’m thirsty
I stand beneath he
Sweating freely
Hoarse voice
Still speaks

I hope you love
The loveliest one
I hope you smile from ear to ear
Knowing she is near
Despite what you probably believe
It would make me happy
If you showed your happiness to me
Whoever you in love with be
I’d love to see
You happy
With anybody
Even if she’s not me

I wish someone would come along
And I’d be like “Andre who?”
You probably wish that for me too

Sometimes I come here with nothing to say
And try to say nothing
Eloquently

Something will come
Maybe
A new string of words
I didn’t already say
A genius thing
That brings you towards my way
And I come back
All the time
Trying to get to that day
Even if it takes till never
Apparently

In my wildest of dreams
You would acknowledge me
Today, especially
It could possibly be
It’s still early

I happen to be
A good witch
Bogged down by all that stupid morality
So I can’t make you fall for me
But oh how I wish
A bad witch
I could be
But then again
A forced connection
Isn’t for me
If I ever wind up meeting you
As charmed as it will probably be
I’ll have to find a way to
To make it happen
Magiclessly
It’s a ******, you see
Can use my gifts
To benefit anyone
But me

I’m in this moment now
And I don’t know you
Something I’ll continuously have to accept
But not my whole life through
It isn’t painful
Though not without ache
I’ll move past it, someday
I am destined for a different fate
I’m happy and blessed
Either way
Thank you
For being
Someone to aspire to

I tried writing you a birthday poem
(This is draft 22)
I put lots of heart and soul in
But none of them will do
I wish I had more skill
Better vocabulary
You deserve a masterpiece
To honor you perfectly
But instead
You get a poem from me
Happy birthday, Mister
I hope it’s filled with love
Overflowed with joy
And blessings from above
I wish for you perfect contentment
As sublime as you can be
I hope you find something you’ve been searching for
And it is completely free
I wish for you a day
Filled with blessings all along the way
Peace within your soul
Capture of some long-held goal
Knowledge of something
You’ve always wanted to know
Highest high achieved drug free
At least one moment where you say
FINALLY!  
I hope you hear a voice
You’ve been missing for a while
I hope the one you love the most
Gives you the biggest smile
I hope you stay up just late enough
To celebrate your favorite stuff
And when you’re ready to
You drift into a perfect sleep
And your favorite dream
Spends the night with you
I hope you have
Your happiest birthday
Boo

There is no pill
For
Draining will
After using every bit of skill
Still
Uphill
To some distant peak
I may or may not ever reach
And that’s me thinking optimistically
The logical part of me
Can clearly see
I am looking foolishly
Begging for attention from somebody
Who clearly isn’t interested in me
And this I need to force myself to see
So I can search for something I can achieve