Currently
I stay attached to thee
Perhaps because you let me be
You do not discourage me
Which I perceive optimistically
But it could be true
That you simply don’t care
Or you’re completely unaware
Or maybe I disgust you
What’s a girl supposed to do
With no idea what is true
And “could be”
Maybe
Vague and shady
Glimmers of crazy
When not a no
Perceived as a maybe

As it stands now
One of us is a fool
It’s probably me
But it might be you

My muse is unreliable
Silent most of the time
But when he finally sings
It’s a sound sublime
Unfortunately
For all of us
Including mostly me
He doesn’t
Believe

I cannot miss what I have never had
Or love who I’ve never met
But that sort of mystery
Surrounds you a lot
I’ll bet

The pedestal is rusty
It lost it’s glisten shine
Busted down and termite-filled
How does it look so fine?

There I go repeating myself
As if it helps
But then again
Neither are you
Saying anything new

Would it help if I cried
Out loud
Instead of keeping it
Inside of me
Silently
Choked throat
Stuffed full of
Heart’s bloat
Burning holes
Through fat rolls
Tearing up
Inside of me
Weight on chest
So heavily
Would it help if I
Let you see
How painful it be?

It’s only real to me
In my tenuous sanity
Combined with vanity
Dreams
And how they be
Only real to me

Who I am
And who I ain’t
Not fairly judged by me
Benefit of doubt
I see
Mentally,
I am lucky
Because it is true
You are much too ******* you

Without you I am
The horse with no back
Roberta with no Flack
The lion with no teeth
The cow with no beef
I am the giraffe with no neck
The priest who says “****”
Instead of “heck”
I am the ice with no cold
The youngster who is way too old
I am the draw with no string
The every without it’s thing
The sun with no rise
The giver-upper before she tries
I am the bay with no dock
The rooster who has no ****
The candle with no flame
The abandoned child with no name
I am the windowless house
The cat who never caught a mouse
The car with no gas
The **** with no ***
The pan with no cake
All the give
And not one take
I am the song with no voice
The re with no joice
The night with no day
The ground with no play
But I still slide
Anyway
Down
Down
Down
Dow
Do
D
Disappear
Into me

I feel spent
I don’t know where all my inspiration went
Silly musing of no worth
Remnants of the afterbirth
Rotting
Putting out a stink
Block my ability to think
I said it all
Real loud and clear
To nobody who wants to hear
Maybe it’s a superpower;
Invisibility
But it sure feels like a curse to me
Echoing here
Silently

It’s in your aura
It’s in your eyes
It’s sitting up between your thighs
It’s locked
It’s loaded
It’s sugar-coated
With that mojo
Over-bloated
Got me singing to the breeze
Begging won’t you
Please PLEase PLEASE!
Get yaself between my knees

Here I be
Your personal freak on a leash
Self-imposed
And unwilling to leave
Here I be
While you ignore me
Apparently
Permanently
Here I be

I wanna be angry
And stomp my feet
Run into the street
And scream like a banshee
I wanna curse
Wish you the worst
Pray for you to feel the thirst
I wanna bring down the boom
Cast a spell so you see me in every moon
I wanna bring myself to you
Then turn and show you my back
I want you to yearn for me
As if I’m all you lack
I want to fill your senses
Till you cannot go without
You can be the teapot
And I will be the spout
I want to be the song
You whistle as you go along
And all who hear it pause
To hear the Pied Piper
And her cause
I want to be the horses and the men
Who put Humpty Dumpty together again
I want to be the plate you lick clean
Or even lick *****
You know what I mean
I want to be the mosquito
Piercing your skin
I want to be the air you’re breathing in
I want to sin and sin and sin
But we both know I ain’t getting in
Meanwhile you sit under my skin

At this moment I am at Peace
With what we will never be
Maybe
But I’m still not really free
Do I have to stop wanting
And trying
To be at Peace?
Is Peace only found when it’s in the past
Or can I still try?
And remain at Peace
Is trying the opposite of being at Peace?
How can I accept what may never be
When there’s still so much of that “may”
In me?

Curse the eyes that won’t look past
Curse the ears that refuse to hear your silence
Curse the heart
And the brain
Stuck on impossibility
Causing themselves such pain
Curse the lack of refrain
Curse myself
For cursing you
With this sorry ***
Poor me
Curse fest
And curse this curse fest too

Why can’t I write about snow
Or trees?
Find passion in what I’m surrounded with
Whatever it be?
Nature
So many poets have done it
Successfully
Not me
I can’t find passion writing about a tree
As beautiful and magestic as they be
Even the blade of grass
Does it’s thing regally
Standing up, though trod upon
Cut down every week
That blade of grass
Exists defiantly
Hey!  There it is!
The poetry

I beg like a ***
For a token or dime
I spend all of my time
On this lonely street
Freezing to death
While you hoard the heat
And just like the typical
One who drives by
You avoid my eye
So you don’t have to see
The hungry
Me
There’s thousands of bums on the street
And you can’t give them all a thing to eat
Least of all

Me

Cracks
Like spiderwebs
Filters
Really
Of what we allow ourselves to see
Living inside the bowl
Pretending to be free
I stare at this one way screen
Wondering if you’re watching me
Building webs
Diligently

I feel drained
Holes on the bottom
A mere drop
Teeny weeny
But that is just this moment
Hopefully
I got a lot of *****
Left in me
You punk

I’ve touched your soul
With my ***** mind
Smeared it all over
With jelly and juice
(And a barbecue dressing of some kind)
Put the thought of you to intimate use
(Repeatedly)
Whispered into your ear
Breathlessly
I’ve presented you with
The longest mental striptease
Anyone’s ever seen
And no matter how much mud I sling
There you sit
Soul pristine

You beautiful wuss
Imperfect and faulted you be
Pretending to ignore me
All publicly
But you and I both know
You come to see
Invisibly
Your superpower
In this realm
Andre the Mighty!
Is invisibility
Which happens to be
A handicap for me

They say “never settle”
What a privilege it must be
To think so optimistically
Should one aspire towards
The best
Who isn’t interested in me
Do I chase forever desperately
Solitarily
The one
Who will never settle for me?

He’s got walls and moats
Filled with crocodiles
Looking for human root beer floats
He’s got the title of GOAT
Unassumingly
He’s got shiny things
Metal, mineral,
Heavy commodity
Spacious homes for his whole family
Choice of beauties bevericiously
Smart ones, too, atypically
But all that fluff, and stuff
And superlative ****
Isn’t as priceless as me
Which he also has
Abundantly

I could make promises to myself I don’t mean
Try to make a break that’s clean
Swear to every deity
Take an aching knee
I wish I could believe
If only so I could pray
For you to notice me
Vibrantly

What happens to all the feels
Unrequited?
Do they evaporate?
Shrink into a lonely fate?
Chasing something
And forever too late
Does it eventually frustrate?
I wonder if it turns to hate

Once upon a time
Should be right now
But my Prince
He cannot be
Bothered with me
And that’s the tale
With this fairy

I planted a lot of seeds
In this here
Outkast orchard
Watered them
Too
Hopefully
The fruit will be
Eaten by you

Maybe you don’t see
That you are a blessing to me
And I hope it to be true
I am a blessing to you

He is built of the Earth
And I am made of the sea
He has good reason to fear
Dissipation in me
But oh how badly
***** water
I wish to be

It is the nature of hypocrisy
That the hypocrite doesn’t see
What he or she
Really be
Sometimes I’m sure
The hypocrite is me

It could potentially be
A sickness
Maybe
Look at all this
Bleed
Senselessly
The only benificiary
Me
I could be draining  you
Selfishly
Just to make this poetry
Creating for attention
Pushed upon you
About you, too
Then
Pressure
On what I want you to do
Guilt trips, too
Placed permissionlessly
You have never encouraged me
Here I be
Stubbornly
Or a sickness
Maybe
Either way
You are the innocent party
Getting bled on publicly

He doesn’t exist
Who I think you be
And though I know that
It is irrelevant to me
I see what I see
Inside your eyes
Infinite possibilities
A gentle soul
Looking for me

It’s still a part of the story
No matter how far apart
It be
Whether or not you read

It is a hard thing to do
To give up on you
When there’s no one else
I want to look to
I wish there could be
Somebody new
To capture me
So I wouldn’t have to be
So hung up on you
Nowhere slowly
Always going to
I’ll never get to you
Obviously
You don’t want me to
A decision made by you
You got your reasons
Probably good
Shoulda coulda woulda
Should
Doesn’t apply
And you are not a stupid guy
Your judgement is clear and sound
I wish you expressed in some way
That you liked me hanging around
But I get it
Everyone would know
And maybe my obsession will grow
Unhealthy
Or maybe it’s been so all along
Ya boi won’t associate with me
Obviously
I cannot see
What I really be
And still believe
I’m heading somewhere
Slowly

I’m not worried about you
My care is more personal
You’ve proven your chops
You’ve got it all
Choices, especially
You’re probably
Mostly right
For not wanting me
And the nutty ride
That might turn out to be  
But the good news is
I’m also not worried about me

Some days
There are shadows of spiders
Hanging peripherally
Almost to where I sort of see
And I haven’t yet figured
If they’re friendly

He’s not a star
He’s a constellation
Cluster of brights
Far
Far                                                     Away
Ever  elusive 👽
Yet
Shiny brilliant light
Prone to a shoot ☄️
Just as soon as one sees
Off goes one of Apollo’s feet
Ever so far away from me

There is obviously
A deep-rooted incompatibility
Between you and me
I trust your judgment
You know you
Better than I do

I am glitter on Birkenstocks
A snazzy suitcase filled with rocks
A staircase leading anywhere
Dim for most the way there
Sometimes “who knows?”
Is the bestest place to go
Birkenstocks are comfortable
And diamonds are rocks too
What you think of me
Mostly
Depends on you

There goes my Mister
Walking by
Giving me a suspicious eye
I cannot imagine what he sees
Or if he even looks at me
Really
My mister he may be
But I am not his lady

We are one
Within these words
The spell of poetry
The best I can do
When we are really two

Right about now
The funk soul sista
Chasing after her mista
Whatever he did he sure musta
Got that sista all aflusta
Mista musta hit sista  
With a brick wall busta

Some days
You live in my mind rent free
All free
Yet  
Priceless commodity
Thoughts of you
Seducing me
To write all this poetry
Beautiful muse
Feeding my mind
Free for both you and me
The way it will always be
Test it out,
You’ll see

There you are
Nearly too far
But that’s just me
Looking at it optimistically

Moving away isn’t easy
I knew it wouldn’t be
Sometimes I like to pretend
You are missing me
Not enough, though
You’re much harder than I am
To let go

It makes no sense to me
That you don’t want to know me
But maybe you do
Maybe you just don’t want me
To know you

Potentially
(Actually, most likely)
It will turn out to be
One day
I’m writing another man poetry
And you’ll smile to yourself
And think fondly
“I remember when she
Wrote for me”
And those poems will always be
The only existence
Of the potentiality
And possibility
Between what could be we
And you will be happy for me

One day
These poems are going to mean something
To somebody
Besides me
Maybe not you
But sometimes poems do
Affect someone
Somewhere
Never around either of us two
Some lonely soul
Will spend time
Over these rhymes
Wishing for a poem
Just like mine
Maybe even in
A thousand years’ time
My feelings for you
Will still be on fire

Far apart
We may always be
But you probably won’t
Be forgetting me
And that may be our destiny
To only exist
In memory
Something felt
And never seen