be the rhythm in my blues
whenever I want to feel loved

be the beat in my flow
whenever I want to move

be the star in my night
whenever my darkness needs light

be the umbrella
whenever my tears feel like rain

be the dream
whenever I lay my soul to sleep

be my everything
a King is lost without a Queen

We were separated as kids & life was never the same
no more around my best friend but who's the blame
because you were disabled mentally
& left me alone with mama, that was killing me
growing up in a house without you
forcing me to get out of the house & come up without you
with you gone, we only allowed me & moms to get close
so as an apology, here's my heart in my note
I know I've done things to you that I can never undone
but it wasn't with ill intent but I guess that's when the hell begun
had a bike when you was 6, I ran it in the ditch
lied to say it was you only for mama to get the switch
dynamic duo, me & you but that slowly died out
saying goodbye to my twin cause I'm forced to stay down south
I've always wanted a brother just to have that connection
not realizing that with you, there was a blessing
although you shared more similarities with mama
I was always jealous of your connection with mama
being that you're the oldest with a 3 year lead ahead of me
making you feel like you were obligated to watch over me
my protector when we were little until we got older
then I became the big brother & my heart got colder
you can say I'm mean as hell but it was for the best
so my apologies for the miscommunication & the stress

the sunshine with a hurricane
a sunny day with pouring rain
the happiness with drowning tears
the pursuit of joy with undying fears

the love of dreams with nightmares
the laughter after the thunder
the rage before the rain
& the light after the pain

poetry in motion
beauty within the madness
comfort within the irritation
the vibes of r&b with the effects of heavy metal

I write for that kid in school
abused at home & bullied in school
with thoughts of suicide or running away
with no friend in their corner feeling alone every day

I write for that man with a golden heart
dealing with ungrateful women tearing him apart
so used to losing that a win goes unappreciated
& a real man continues to this day to be hated
all because dogs have become loved with the hopes of change

I write for the pain within that I keep locked in
whether it's anger or depression that drives my pen
but it's my therapy & sometimes, my only friend
after spending my life defeating odds that I wouldn't win

I write for that woman feeling alone
heartbreak after heartbreak, crying at home
looking for the one thing she's never felt
when she already has it within herself
the lack of a father around so not sure who to love
but how to love, yearning for her white dove

I write for those dark days that only a few feel
diving in that liquor bottle & stuffed with pills
or a razor blade in hand drawing blood across the skin
wanting peace even if it means life will end

I write for the reader of this poem, you're just like me
a gifted troubled soul mixed in a dark world, just like me
blamed for everything & every loss, just like me
whether from family or yourself, you're guilty
but for the love of poetry & relief, you inspire me

i didn't ask to be this way

i didn't ask to feel this way

i didn't ask to rage out this way

but the pain & frustration made me this way

the target of several jokes, the fuel to my insecurities

the hell within the rage & the birth of many personalities

putting me at war with myself to fight the demon within

but i embraced the dark side till it became my only friend

i'm not me anymore, that part of me died long ago

i feel like a monster, that little kid doesn't exist no more

i forgive you for breaking me
i forgive you for forsaking me
i forgive you for tearing me apart
i forgive you for hurting me from the start

i never asked for much
i never asked to be crushed
i never asked to be here
i never asked to live in fear

i never asked to be hated
or to be let down from all the years I've waited
for a bond that'll never see the light of day
or the love I never had, you gave it away
but the one thing that hurts more
is seeing my younger siblings being loved more
by a father that cared for me
but I forgive you for never being there for me

Forgive me for the pain

& any errors I’ve created

for I know you’re pure

& full of love, yet I’ve

underestimated your Greatness

Willing to put others 1st who’ve only used you as a Replacement

You stayed true no matter I put you through

& truthfully, I don’t deserve you

for all the things you do

Loving unconditionally & making many lives beautiful