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KillerKhooler Oct 2018
I don't need drugs to help me cope
I drink out of affinity not out of sorrow
All I have are my fist and a obstacle
As my sorrow fights my happiness
Same time I'm fighting a nonliving enemy
At same time I'm fighting bad memories
I make the mistake of letting it get to me
Nothing wrong with blood on the walls
To the sane something not right with me
Replace one pain with another
It reset me or put me back in place
Crash my fist til it hurt then get numb
Pent the animosity in my mind
Physical wounds I incessantly reopen
Emotion always scar me both ways
I'll pray and do thing to lead me away
I'll fake a smile surround myself with good
It a battle with no end or liberation
It give me little rest and very little peace
KillerKhooler Sep 2018
Admiration
Don't stop showing up
Don't slow down the pace
Don't relent your attention
Don't cheat on me
Don't expect much from me
Don't hurt me
Don't take this for granted
Don't think I want one thing
Don't leave me
I will die if had to look for another
Don't exaggerate
Don't expect the worse
Don't think I won't commit
Don't think I can stop loving you
--------------------------------------
               Abrasive
Don't stop committing to me
Don't get loud with me
Don't be surprise
Don't hurt me please
Don't expect much from me
Don't touch me
Don't hide
Don't block or fight back
It will only get worse
Don't let anyone know
Don't let them see the bruises
Don't run from me
Don't think you can do better
Don't think I don't love you
KillerKhooler Sep 2018
Another transaction
One more fix
Get my mind correct
Get my head on right
Can't remember how it begins
But lately it been getting out of control
Adding to the mixture unsafe experiments
And nonconventional method
When it happens or take effect
I want to do as much as possible
Then nothing at all when it's done
Powerful enough to overcome the day
Desperate enough to do anything for more
If I'm offered I will not refuse
Their for the taking it mines I don't care  
Addiction isn't the word for this
Caught in a trap I don't want to escape
Caught in a loop am I in hell or heaven
If I'm in hell this punishment I deserve
If in heaven then paradise is just a release
It's not about drugs
KillerKhooler Aug 2018
Waiting for me at night
Keep stalking me in the dark
Always catch you in the corner of my eye

Disappear so fast
Faster than I can turn my head
Years have past still can't understand your intension

Ready to have you expose
No more wondering tired of guessing
Never was afraid just need to know what is hiding from me

Silent and covered in black
Delusional but not out of my mind
You run from eyes and leave me in doubt but I feel your presence so I don't need my sight

Maybe I will or will not have my answers
Or you'll never be reveal to the light and haunt in the shadows some more
Just know I'm not the one hiding and  watching awhile they're asleep but
I will be the one that's up
I will be the one to face
KillerKhooler Jul 2018
Sun
Always waiting for the sun to rise.
Constantly waiting to know what the night have in store for me.
Only at night the days become wicked.
When it's dark out they start to haunt.
A blank paper on the table, a pen somewhere near by, and open bottles to help convince myself.
The day is always promise.
The night is full of uncertainty.
My thoughts are unstable and my soul wants to escape.
My hands wants to write another poetry to express my deepest desire.
If I fail again, in the future I may have to spin the revolver around.
Or my friend who's only warm to me when she's in use.
But right now the sun is coming up and this sad night is finally over.
I have to live another day.
KillerKhooler Jun 2018
Just want to let you know.
You will suffer from depression.
You can't always be happy.
Life can balance or unbalance you out.
The first time will be hard.
It will drain you, it will put you into dark places, you will lose faith and wonder if you'll return to normal.
Count it as a phase once it evanesce.
If your anything like me it will come back and this one will be the worst.
It will do things to you and make you do thing to yourself.
You may shed tears or blood.
You may lose your love or life.
You will disconnect and lose your mind.
The best thing you can do is suffer through It.
Yes you will be alone, people say they care but they don't.
They'll never understand your burdens and what drove you to this state.
Just pray 'til it thoroughly goes away.
Fake being happy and smile until it becomes genuine again.
The light is out but the belief in you isn't.
It will be frequent in your memories but no worries tell yourself it's over with.
Just remember it's part of life, part of you, then you'll truly realize what happiness really is.
KillerKhooler Jun 2018
Can't feel anything when I roll
Can't feel nothing when I drink
Can't feel when I'm asleep

I feel power when I roll
I feel invincible when I drink
I feel almighty when I dream
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