I don’t wanna live a life without you
Can’t fall asleep until around two
When I wake I think about you
They say every day brings something new
But baby all I can do is picture you
Yelling at the phone “yeah, we’re through”
Somehow I can’t seem to get over you
They can’t name a **** thing I wouldn’t do
Just to be back in that theater with you
I look at all the pictures that you drew
I smile every time I think about you
And how your eyes were so beautifully blue
I can’t believe I’m listening to this without you
Researched some of the things you were into
I could use one of those great hugs from you
Can’t believe from my life you withdrew
You’re so **** beautiful and I miss you
Why do I feel this way still, i don’t have a clue
“Do what makes you happy” words from you
But you’re what made me happy so I pursue
“I think you should move on” again from you
I guess our relationship you outgrew
That girl was my best friend, yeah that’s you
But if what they’re all saying is really true
Then I can’t be the one who gets to say to you
Goodnight babygirl, I love you too
Then they shut their eyes and dream bout you

Lately I’ve been feeling so used and hated  
Didn’t even stay to see the mess you created
Bet you’d love me if I put that gun to my head
Bet you’d love me if I was on that floor dead
You’d miss my smile, my voice and my laugh
Seeing me dying would break you in half
Me being dead is the only way I’ll be satisfied
Soon miles, you and I will be reunited
How’re you gonna stop me from killing myself
Then later tell me to meet death himself
So I guess that’s what I’m meant to do
Tortured in hell Is easier then dealing with you
I put my trust inside of both of you two
But I think my time here is long overdue
Losing love, friends, and hope in one night
Lost all the will I had inside to continue to fight
The thought of my death feeling so right
Y’all keep asking but no I’m never okay
Not even with these video games I play
Every night I have another deadly dream
Seeing myself die different ways a bit extreme
Like it’s jumping into the road to be hit by a car
Getting shot in the heart by a ****** from afar
Rotting away in a cell, imprisoned in my head
Watching her pull a plug from my hospital bed
Watching her press the knife against my throat
Watching you read my final goodbye note
Blood stains on the floor and all over the walls
Blood trail leading from the kitchen to the halls
Watching you stab me over and over and over
Nailed to an upside down cross by my ex lover
Choking on my blood with a smile on my face
Stabbing me a few extra times just Incase
Put two bullets in my eyes while you’re at it
You approach for my throat to finally be slit
Wake up begging on my knees to be set free
Looking in your eyes asking “Do you love me”

I remember what it felt like being numb
Doing drugs until my brain falls dumb
Til I can’t feel all this awful pain
So I can ignore this ****** stain
Because having these feelings get you hurt
So it’s better to just put everything in the dirt
I stare in the mirror and ask myself a question
“Is it really worth risking all that depression”
Thinking about how I felt before you came
I don’t want things to go back to the same
But eventually one day everyone leaves
Lost in the woods staring at the trees
Decided to stop running away from my killer
Staring at the fragment of myself, a lil sinner
Myself and I fighting over control of me
Struggling to not let all my demons free
The better part of me is taking critical blows
He’s getting weaker and weaker and it shows
Evil me is staring down at myself with pride
The better part just broke off and died
I really thought we were gonna be forever
Our relationship was like a mild fever
I knew eventually our love would go away
Something that good will never stay
Now the evil part of me is going wild
“You really thought we’re gonna have a child”
I have this nightmare almost everyday
These demons in my mind I can’t seem to slay
I see you walking with our kid into the street
You get hit by a car and turn into piles of meat
That’s how fast it hit me that you’re gone
From my life you just decided to be withdrawn
I’m not myself anymore and I’m more broken
Feels like the will to live was just choken
Out my body just like these **** tears
I’ve been hurting for years and years
I just want my pain to come to an end
Looking for love in my best friend
Should’ve known I was gonna be played again
Got my head shredded to pieces like Glenn
don’t get that it’s a walking dead reference
Moved on because I wasn’t your preference
You made me be able not to fear death
Now I can’t wait until I take my last breath
I go back and forth between love and hate
I really wish hate would win that debate
Stuck in a dark place screaming my lungs out
Why can’t I hate you what’s this feeling about
I’m such a ******, a loser, an idiot
The pain I’m going through is hideous
I bet you don’t even care do you
Probably already moved into someone new
How’d my bestfriend spot get took in one day
Feeling like youre keeping secrets locked away
I don’t want to breathe anymore I hate it
Loving you or hating you my mind is split
Feel like putting a noose around my neck
Feel like letting you stab me in the back
Feel you already did that though
Said you loved me but it never does show
Someone come strangle this life out of me
Come put a shot in my skull let me fly free
I’m losing everyone and it’s not just us
I lost a friend that was like my little sister
I loved her to death and hell im gonna miss her
She always knew how to make my day better
I hope you know you completely broke me

We talked about those great nights of love
Kinda started believing in a place up above
I went from not wanting to live to being scared to die
Now I’m sitting here writing wiping the tears out my eye
Thinking about how much pain my mom would go through if I finally ended it all
I’m sick and tired of life because all I do is cry, scream, and fall
On to my knees hoping there is a god to take my life away
I can’t keep going through so much pain every single day
I wish I could say I hate you but that’d be a lie
I guess hating you would help numb my pain inside
I just can’t seem to bring myself to do that
I wish I knew I could throw you away like a hat
But I’m just dying because I still love you
I’d do so many things to hear you say it too
Whatever happened to forever and always
Nothing last forever nowadays
I press the knife against my throat
Someone please come sacrifice me like a goat
I told myself I wouldn’t get this hurt
My phone vibrates I check to see if it’s you
But even if it is that **** hurts too
We were supposed to grow old together
Have kids and raise a pig together
Travel around and walk on beaches together
Had each other’s back like Bonnie and Clyde
Said You promise but I guess thats another lie
Broke my heart, my trust, and my soul
I’m just glad I don’t have to deal with this on my own
I want to give a special thanks to my guy Fidel
Without you my body would be found somewhere in a wishing well
I just don’t know if I can take much more
Now I wish you were just some little *****
So I wouldn’t have to be so upset
But you’re so perfect in my mindset
Last night I walked on a bridge and I thought about jumping
But then I thought what If this all blows over like it’s nothing
And we get back together and be happy once again
But now all think about is all this hurtful pain
So hey I know you read this
Don’t worry about me
I’m fine

Do you even know the definition
Do you even know the critical condition
Puts you in a ****** up position
Feel like disappearing like a magician
Routined like a ******* tradition
Feeling like there is no opposition
Only loved for a lil while, I’m being used
The physical and mental states are confused
Hearts asking my brain to be excused
Before another attack leaves it bruised
Physically and mentally beaten
It’s got me feeling like a heathen
Like if god existed why the demons
Really feel like this worlds uneven
There is no good or evil
It’s a dark place we live in
You can get stabbed in your own kitchen
The thought of that is crazy
Betrayed by the one you thought was a daisy
The way she left got me hazy
I was told to not give up on love
I was told to believe in a place up above
I was told to believe in us
How do I do that when you destroyed my trust
When you mentally ****** me up
When you mentally abused my mind
Told me people like you are hard to find
And now I’m really hoping that’s true
Because what you did to me was cruel
And I don’t wanna go through that again
Crazy how the people with the most blessings
Have the most outrages curses
Said you love me and played with my emotions
Just like a baby I’m going through abortion
Crazy how the good people were abused
Now the abused are used for you to be amused

Miles Joseph Saunders
A friend, an idol, a brother
This guy was like no other
I swear this guy wasn’t human
A stranger? He knew none
Everyone he met he loved
Even in basketball he shoved
His way to the front and on top
Persistent, he never did stop
He would love you and hug you
Even if he didn’t know you
He welcomed everyone in with a warm heart
When I heard the news it tore my heart apart
17 years young and gone with one bullet
He always told me live life to the fullest
You never know when it’s time to go
Feels like yesterday even tho it was ages ago
I just wish i could die to come and see you
Nowadays everyone is fake it’s sickening
And now I’m thinking back to the beginning
The first day we met and hung out
I knew we would be good friends no doubt
I loved every day we spent at Goshen
Now im lyin down in an ocean
Of my own tears filled with sadness
But I think of you and smile of happiness
I sit here and think about the good times
Like the night we stayed up before Florida
When everyone tried their best to ignore ya
When we played 2k and pulled some pranks
When we joked about robbing banks
Thinking of you now just brings pain
Tears fall all day long like the rain
But I know I should be happy
Because being sad is ******
And I know you wouldn’t want that
**** it up like you did in combat
Never let anyone see me cry
Miles, you better fly high
Without you it’s so hard
I ******* miss you ******
Every move you made was for the good
I could tell just by the way you stood
You would never back down
You were the toughest guy in town
I’m sitting here thinking you’re still here
The thought of you gone isn’t clear
Like how is someone so great
Gone the very next day
Got me in dismay
Pray to you my life to take
Wish the news was fake
Scratching my heart with a rake
Visiting your grave ******* hurts
Heart feeling like I need a nurse
A lambo you should’ve pulled off in
Couldn’t even bring myself to your coffin
I didn’t want that to be my last memory
Didn’t want that to be the end of our history
Last time I saw you, you were thriving
With positive energy, **** was exhausting
I’m so glad we were friends, you and me
But now I’m the one saying, Rest In Peace.

I swear to you I’m fine
I just want you to be mine
It takes nothing but time
Baby you’re one helluva dime
For you I’d commit that crime
I only wanted the best for us
But then you went and blew my trust
Crumbled my heart to dust
It wasn’t love just some lust
But baby I swear to you I’m fine
Just keep on pouring that wine
Maybe again, our lips will combine
I was lost and to you I’d confine
The crazy look in your eyes was divine
You’d come over to my house at nine
But now when you call I decline
Back in the day we used to shine
Back in the day you were all mine
But I swear to you baby I’m fine
I think about you on a daily basis
And I don’t know if I can take this
The good old’ days I reminisce
Way back to our very first kiss
And now it’s the little things I miss
Like the way I got lost in the abyss
Of those beautiful eyes you had
Thinking back now it’s kinda sad
The thought of you drives me mad
I’m really tired of this life of mine
****, maybe I’m far from fine
These thoughts I can’t define
I’m a mad man, Albert Einstein
Everyone says Im a genius
I’m actually just hopeless
Anxiety and stress
I’ll be fine I guess
Im a ******* mess
Dark entity in my mind
Peace I can never find
Wish I could rewind
Followed you around blind
So sure I was safe from behind
But it turns out you were the wielder
Knife in my back you’re the dealer
You were supposed to be my healer
But you just drove the knife in deeper
Baby I swear to you, I’m far from fine