She holds my head high when I drop it low
We build together and help one another grow
It’s dangerous falling in love, this I know
I’m the one to keep you warm during the snow
Like Charlie Puth I’m only one call away
I love hearing your voice every single day
Waking up to you is a dream come true
This love is something I wish to pursue
For now we’re falling asleep on a call
Later on we’ll hug and I won’t let go at all
Cause you’re the reason I wake up smiling
You’re the reason I don’t feel like dying
What’s impossible is trying to stay mad
Honestly, you’ll be the best I’ve ever had
Going crazy with you constantly on my mind
Guess I’m lucky, a girl like you is hard to find
I find myself star gazing in your eyes
I pray we never say goodbyes
I love every moment spent together
This is something that I want forever
Waking up next to you in my bed
I picture this all night long inside my head
I really want to make you my wife
This love is what I want for life

Do you know how it feels
To wake up everyday wishing you didn’t
Because after all you’ve done it never heals
After everything you’d think death’d take a hint
Waking up after nightmares on nightmares
I actually don’t like having nice dreams
I’m screaming out for help but no one cares
My suicidal thoughts are getting extreme
Argued with one of the main reason I’m alive
Every time it feels like I’m being stabbed inside
Been trapped for awhile it’s a surprise I survive
Looking around, no ones by my side
People say that they’re here for me
But when I cry out no one responds
Wish I was nothing more than a memory
Feel like drowning myself in a pond
Went from being a hopeless romantic
To flinching at even the thought of love
A story more depressing than the titanic
A tale no one ever wants to speaks of
Everyone wants to focus on the good times
Like a first kiss, but to me it’s haunting
Continuing to try is like committing crimes
No one ever answers so I’ve stopped calling
I don’t care what happens to me anymore
I could get shot in the heart right now
My blood leaking all over the floor
And I wouldn’t even bother to ask how
I’d just watch as this hole in my heart is torn
These are the thoughts my mind has been on
Wonder how many people would really mourn
I’m tired of holding on, it’s time that I’m gone

This is for everyone hanging on by a thread
Trust me, people will miss you if you’re dead
No one hates you as much as you do
No one knows what all you’ve gone through
Feels like you’re alone but I promise you’re not
It could be slight yet you’ll always have a shot
A shot at finding love, hope, or to get better
Hopefully you’ll burn the suicide letter
There will be a day you smile again
A day where you won’t feel the horrible pain
A time will come where all hope is lost
Yeah sure you could end it but at what cost
To throw away the chance of redemption?
It’s hard but don’t give into the depression
For every story has an ending
Our stories here are still ascending
The time will come for us to fly away
But that day is far from today
So pick yourself back up off the floor
Keep on pushing on more and more
Reach out to someone else in need
Talk to people out of love and not of greed
We’ll make it through this if we stick together
I can’t sit here and promise forever
But we’ll last longer if we stand side by side
Stop isolating and start to feel alive inside
I believe things will get better for us
Keep on trying, for Jarad, Jahseh, and Gus
Or for anyone else you’ve lost before
You’re not alone behind that closed door
I guarantee you’re a reason someone smiles
So keep on keeping on, like I do for Miles
You have to keep getting up when you fall
I promise it gets better, I love you all

Never thought I’d say this but you were right
In love with being sad so I sit here and write
I could never be loved cause I’m chaotic
Everyone can tell you that guy is psychotic
Every night having mental breakdowns
Underwater for years it’s time I drown
I miss brushing your hair behind your ear
Kissing your forehead and telling you I’m here
Here to stay
Here to say whatever you need me to say
I miss our late night walks to the park
Held my hand tight we were scared of the dark
Pushed you on the swing
Cuddled while you’d sing
Our favorite song
Wish I could move on
I miss our petty arguments
Like the time we fought in a tent
About what to name our future daughter
***** to know I won’t be her father
I would’ve chosen Faith
But you wanted to name her Grace
I’d name her Grace just to see you smile
Ever since you left I’ve been alone for awhile
I thought about the night at the lake
You fell asleep on me, I waited for you to wake
The sky above us was so beautiful
However staring at you was so more suitable
My girl, my heart, the one holding onto my soul
Couldn’t picture a life where we didn’t grow old
I’m sorry I blew that chance
I’m sorry we never had that last dance
I’d give anything just to be with you
I miss you.

There’s no point in throwing an insult my way
I’ve told myself the worse things there is to say
Yeah I’ve done some terrible things in the past
And each time it’s worst than my last
I’ve casted aside my feelings
Dove into a bottle for new beginnings
Attempted on multiple occasions
Hate the fact that I’m seen as a caucasian
Grow out my hair to cover up my face
I’m insecure and more fragile than a vase
On the brink of depression and insanity
Can’t find love so I stay in a fantasy
Been in conflict yeah I’ve been in fights
Inside my head at night there’s only fright
Torn apart from my suicidal thoughts
Blood on my wrists red like tomato sauce
I wonder how long I have left before I fall
Til cops have to clean my brains off the wall
Until the haters get what they want this year
Until my friends hear what they really fear
That little old me finally isn’t here
But let me make something clear
I don’t wanna die well me as a majority
Part of me is dead even if it’s a minority
It’s growing very slowly but it’s still growing
Trying hard but these thoughts aren’t going
Dream about my death two times a week
People think I’m strong but truly I’m weak
Could die today or in years it could be either
What’s that, you don’t like me? Me neither

I’m sorry for everything, I’m confused
Planted a happy bomb but it was defused
Telling everyone that I’m numb but I’m sad
Daily my mind sees what we could’ve had
Everyone’s trying to care for me
I love you guys so much but please let me be
Some of you only put me in more pain
Yes I’m fine but things aren’t as I claim
Picture a day where the sun didn’t come up
Or closing your eyes but they stay shut
Everyone telling you things get better
While you’re crying and writing a suicide letter
Well my goodbye letter is actually a poem
I’ll release it before the abyss I’ll roam
I wanna go away but I wanna stay here
Don’t wanna stay but I hope I’ll see you there
Wonder what death is like all the time
Feel like I’m trapped like I’m a mime
I’m sorry I didn’t make a good impression
Sorry I pushed away thanks to my depression
I want you back but I know you don’t love me
Not even a breakup there was never even a we
I wanna die today just to see who cares
At my funeral there’d be less than ten there
I wanted you to go away and so you did
My heart would smile when you called me kid
They say my heart is beautiful like a rose
Like all roses I’m dying starting to decompose
I guess it’s over though, you’ve gone away
and now I think about you less day by day

Played in my head are consecutive sad songs
I think about all our rights and all our wrongs
Think about how with you I thought I belonged
Now that you’re gone it’s hard to stay strong
Remember mid breakdown I asked you to stay
Asked you if you’d leave and you said no way
We all know actions speak louder than words
To think I thought you really meant it is absurd
I drown out the sound of your voice in my head
Bumping these sad songs all day long instead
And at nightfall when I lay down to sleep
I like to play sad songs while I count sheep
It helps take my mind off of you
Keeps me away from feeling too blue
A person I’d hope not to write a poem about
You’ve left and now I’ve been torn inside out
I always checked my phone in the morning
Now I wear all black like I’ve been mourning
Believed you were perfect and special
What a shamed we wasted that potential
Only time I feel joy is if I’m eating pop tarts
Forever alone until the day my heart stops
Eating pop tarts to fill in this hole
Don’t just miss your body, miss you as a whole
Today I cried, ate pop tarts, and sang along
To my favorite x, juice, and powfu sad songs
And mentally I’ve been healing but I’m broken
Talked the today but words were unspoken
So the end I shall no longer prolong
Bye from me, my pop tarts, and sad songs