I am questioning My life My friendships My hobbies My hopes My dreams The more I question The more I doubt They all disappear These fleeting memories These fleeting moments These feelings They all disappear Right before my eyes But I feel nothing For them For me Nothing at all Truth is I've always been fleeting Disappearing Doubting Questioning
My arm Burning With blood pouring Out and down it Everywhere The heat Comforting Yet painful So lightheaded The loss of blood almost Just almost Making me lose consciousness I bring myself to the brink Feeling the pain The heat And the cold The cold Contrasting The blade Contrasting With the heat That is my skin Scarred up The blade Cutting through Layers of scars Overlapping And the overbearing Heat My arm Engulfed In warmth
Why Why deny it Why coat it In a sweet layer When I have accepted it I am trash Useless garbage A worthless waste of oxygen So why If I understand it And know it Why can't you You lie You say I am not Not trash Not worthless Why deny Why lie Why coat it In sweet Kind Words I don't deserve it So why
Life So delicate A gift One I didn't ask for A miracle Wrapped gently in a bow If you damage a life It starts to unravel So why Why do I feel so tangled So twisted Unraveled and scrambled Into a tight knot I should be thankful For my life But Can I give it back
Watching Looking Judging me Words They don't get to me Because I know They are all true I am ugly I am useless I am a waste of space I don't deserve to live No, words don't hurt me But the stares Silently judging What is wrong With me I am so messed up I deserve pain I deserve judgment I deserve the creeping feeling Of being watched My mind tells me things Horrible things "The knife is right there" "One more cut" "A bit deeper" Repeat Mind on loop I can't escape From my own head The stares Feed my anxiety Feed my mind Makes me think Of all the bad About how I am so messed up About how I don't matter About how I will be easily forgotten Words Don't Hurt But my mind Knows all of my own buttons To press I want to cry but I feel empty Hollow A shell of myself Yet somehow I still feel the pain No matter how numb I feel The pain is there And the creeping crawling feeling of all of those stares burning a hole straight through me
I shake as the blade cuts Through my skin, gently pressing Blood streams, dripping onto the wood floors Like a river of crimson Drip, drip, drip Splatting, creating a deep red puddle I crave the feeling More and more Deeper and deeper