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Jake Dec 2020
I am questioning
My life
My friendships
My hobbies
My hopes
My dreams
The more I question
The more I doubt
They all disappear
These fleeting memories
These fleeting moments
These feelings
They all disappear
Right before my eyes
But I feel nothing
For them
For me
Nothing at all
Truth is I've always been fleeting
Jake Mar 2020
My arm
With blood pouring
Out and down it
The heat
Yet painful
So lightheaded
The loss of blood almost
Just almost
Making me lose consciousness
I bring myself to the brink
Feeling the pain
The heat
And the cold
The cold
The blade
With the heat
That is my skin
Scarred up
The blade
Cutting through
Layers of scars
And the overbearing
My arm
In warmth
Jake Feb 2020
Why deny it
Why coat it
In a sweet layer
When I have accepted it
I am trash
Useless garbage
A worthless waste of oxygen
So why
If I understand it
And know it
Why can't you
You lie
You say I am not
Not trash
Not worthless
Why deny
Why lie
Why coat it
In sweet
I don't deserve it
So why
Jake Feb 2020
So delicate
A gift
One I didn't ask for
A miracle
Wrapped gently in a bow
If you damage a life
It starts to unravel
So why
Why do I feel so tangled
So twisted
Unraveled and scrambled
Into a tight knot
I should be thankful
For my life
Can I give it back
Jake Feb 2020
Judging me
They don't get to me
Because I know
They are all true
I am ugly
I am useless
I am a waste of space
I don't deserve to live
No, words don't hurt me
But the stares
Silently judging
What is wrong
With me
I am so messed up
I deserve pain
I deserve judgment
I deserve the creeping feeling
Of being watched
My mind tells me things
Horrible things
"The knife is right there"
"One more cut"
"A bit deeper"
Mind on loop
I can't escape
From my own head
The stares
Feed my anxiety
Feed my mind
Makes me think
Of all the bad
About how I am so messed up
About how I don't matter
About how I will be easily forgotten
But my mind
Knows all of my own buttons
To press
I want to cry but
I feel empty
A shell of myself
Yet somehow
I still feel the pain
No matter how numb I feel
The pain is there
And the creeping
crawling feeling
of all of those stares
burning a hole straight through me
Jake Feb 2020
I shake as the blade cuts
Through my skin, gently pressing
Blood streams, dripping onto the wood floors
Like a river of crimson
Drip, drip, drip
Splatting, creating a deep red puddle
I crave the feeling
More and more
Deeper and deeper

— The End —