Pull the restraints tighter my Love
For I will try and break free
To keep the possibility of pain away from you
To save me from myself

Who knew that I would be feeling this pain
I swore that I would never do this to someone
Let alone live it through

Yet here I am
Doing what he did
I could not be anymore ashamed than I am
Trying to cope is not really working out
It feels as if the world is casting me out

Holding on leaves burns and scars
I do not know what to do
My words are leaving me

If there is anybody out there
Please hug me and say it will be okay
Stop me from curling in on myself

I hope you find the button to stop the self destruction
Otherwise I will pull the plugs
Force a complete shutdown and never reboot

That is the fate that I have saved into my system
Maybe someone can change my coding
Say your goodbyes as my eyes fade out

I will remember the good times
Just like the bad times
One last chance

That is all I have left for myself

soundless joy surrounds me
yet when I reached out I can only feel the ambiguous bubble
all sadness and joy drifts by, waving to me as they go
apparently I am better yet my whole body is enveloped by a warm yet cold layer

it shields me from many things
it is also overprotective
hiding and avoiding experiences and emotions
am I missing out or is it better this way, to let possibilities go
or is it steering me away from the cliff I sometimes call home

the sight of dark waves clinging to the shore is something I miss whether it is good or bad for me
the birds that climb the heights were my dreams
the sly winds pulling and pushing; my laughter and my sorrow

don't even get me started on the ships sailing at the horizon...
my friends finding their way, my sight of them has dimmed
my wishes for them have long been yelled out
hopefully they'll come my way again some day

for today my legs have over the edge, a sad smile on my face as I wave goodbye to the sun and welcome the night

I jump back and forth
Between motivation and desire to
Sorrow and self-loathing

Life is what you make of it
Something I want to live by
Yet I fail things before even trying

Everything is stagnant
I'm frozen in time by myself
Yet I'm running as my lungs scream

Why do I give myself false hope all the time
I'm my biggest enemy
I'm waging warfare with my hopes and dreams

Every step has two consequences as it seems
Acceptance and understanding was one
The opposite was less than pleasant

Why I don't hate her?
Hating my life line would be pretty ironic
We all were hurt, not just you and I
Hurt can cause many misunderstandings
Something you and I should know very well by now

Neither want to say goodbye
Yet I don't want to walk on eggshells around my friends
I don't work that way and I hope that we can agree
Friends aren't there for that or creating hurt

I should not be your friend
Fingers get burned when playing with fire
We've learned this
Scars cover my hands, how are yours?

There's nothing left to say
Tears will run down my face when I give you the hand
Bringing you into the arms of someone who can make you happy
I wish it could have been me but it simply is not

I'm sorry for what I have done
I hope that one day you can accept my apologies
Why forgive me yet ignore her hurt?
I know I cannot change what happened

Turning back time
I would change this
Less tears for you and her
Less tears for me for sure
Therefore I must go

I can't stand in your way forever
The love seems too deep
I was walking blindfolded but I see now
I cannot provide what you want or need

I am sorry and I love you
One day I hope for you to see too
Just how beautiful you are

The day we say goodbye
Won't be a happy day
I'll cling onto the hope to see you smile one last time

Short spurts  get me through
I'm running out of fuel
The siren in warning of the fall to come

By now the idea of making it
Seems like a joke from long ago
Definitely not as funny as I thought it was

Would it change if I closed my eyes
Or is it all the same
Imminent reunion with the prison

Part of me cannot wait
The familiarity of it all drawing me in
Just as it is with human ideology

I  name it 'H.O.M.E'
So I don't confuse it with home
I reside here so I might as well make myself comfortable

This all may be cliche
Yet it is nothing but the truth
So hear me out

I'm the lucky one
No matter how many times she says she loves me more
She is beautiful

It would only take me a sliver of time
To see her in a crowd of a thousand others
My music is her voice

Her eyes
They're a whole other story
Mesmerizing like nothing else

With all this
How could I not see
That I can't help falling in love with you