After months of torture, of you destroying my self confidence - I have found someone who early in the morning, or late at night. Explores, in great detail, every inch of my naked body. He runs his fingers across my tense skin spelling out ‘beautiful’ with his finger tips
And even when anxiety is suffocating me,
With her crimson eyes and deadly stare -
Compressing my chest,
Till my lungs can no longer breathe.
I do not reach out to you.
Even though all I want,
is for you to hold me ever so tight.
And tell me, that it will all be okay.
I don't reach out to you, because I'd rather suffocate, than be rejected.
And I go out,
wearing a dress,
face looking pretty, covered in carefully constructed make up.
To cover up the soulless wreck I had become.
"Cheer up child" she said
But mum, how can I cheer up.
For I am drowning in an ocean of sadness.
For my demons have learnt how to swim.
There's no lifeline out of this.
My Prince Charming has become my worst nightmare.
There's no way out of this mum.
His once subtle kisses, had become purple bruises.
His once charming words, bullets in my ear.
I can't do anything mum.
Not sure about this
You say, that love is a weakness.
I think my soul is your prisoner.
And my heart a slave of yours.
Pounding, to the rhythm of the notes you play.
How many cigarettes had I smoked,
Trying to get rid of you, with each exhale.
How much alcohol had I drank,
Trying to drown the thoughts of you.
How many lips had I kissed,
To wash away the taste of yours off mine
I think I'll always love you.
The moment you came,
Viciously haunts my mind,
Ribcage piercing out of your chest,
Subtle brittle voice,
Weakened limbs resting on me.
I stood still, I soothed your raw face.
I heard the angels - and,
They were calling out your name
In this poverty, my darling,
You could not stay.
So I sacrificed your soul
And the deed was done
I lost my son
But gained an angel up in the heaven above.
The moster underneath my bed,
She comes to me nightly,
Gently plants her arcane kiss of fear,
Upon my pacing heart -
Her name is anxiety; she's with me again.
Oh why won't she just leave me alone?
I beg her to go, but instead -
She sentences my mind, to the darkest punishment.
An ongoing cycle of panic -
She consumes my rationality
She paralyses me, with terror.
I'm trapped in my own body
I lay restless.
Leave me alone.
Please go away.
Please go away anxiety.
She doesn't listen to my pleading.
What if you die in your sleep?
Did you google these symptoms yet?
— The End —