Younger me would be so proud
And loud
And rejoicing
And voicing all her wins
Younger me would scream from roof tops
And climb the highest mountains
Younger me would be a force
Take every road and every course
Because she would know that I have her and she has me and I am her and I won’t let her fall
Younger me would love so hard and be so far ahead and never be in bed
Younger me would love this life and be here without a fight
Younger me is happy now
Younger me is alive and well

I keep looking for this on and off switch in my head.
Turning corners
Wondering where the switch is.
Those switches are for my emotions
But I can’t seem to find the right one.
There’s no labels
It’s like going through a fuse box and looking down the hall way to see which switch turns off which room
But this isn’t a room
And there’s no switch to stop all this.

Nothing from my mouth means much
I am silenced
I am unheard
Nothing from my mouth carries volume
I am over looked
I am unappreciated
Nothing from my mouth makes sense
As I am driven away with screams from your mouth that seem to hold much power in my head.
My mouth will have power once again.

I just saw your name
And **** what a shame
You’re still breathing

I shall not beg for your crumbs
I shall not eat at your feet
I shall now bow down with hands outstretched together towards you hoping for any ounce of love of nurturing.
My hands are clean my heart is pure.
Your mind is corrupted by the greed your heart produces so deep you can’t even see it
I shall not beg for you to do what you should
To do what you have an obligation to
For maybe you have no obligation to me but me to myself to set these boundaries.
I shall not allow you to enter my mind space and steal what I cherish.
I shall not beg for your crumbs when there is a full meal for me to prepare

Round and round in this tornado
Snatching up every part of me that couldn’t escape its path
We spin fast
Fall and then rise and then left and then right
Faster and faster till you get to the eye
It becomes calm there
Still watching the wind and objects spin around you
I’m just waiting for everything to stop spinning
Will I plummet to the ground quickly?
Will I fall so softly?
Will I die before I reach the ground ?
Will I jump back in ?
What will I do in this tornado?

When I am gone
Remember the actions you showed
And the intentions behind them that you’ll never own up to.
When I don’t want anymore to do with anything
Remember what your mindset was
Remember how you never could hear anything other than your own excuses or lies
Remember who was telling the truth and labeled a liar
Remember the liar who was always believed.
But you’ll never get a glimpse of my truth.
You don’t deserve it