Your sword made of words that pierced me for the last time
Your strength made of the blood from my body that you spilled
Your humor made of the bruises of my skin that you caused
Your smile made of the tears fallen from my eyes rolling from my cheeks that you've slapped
Your pride made of the pain and emotional hurt you bestow upon me
The irony of your good points being my weak points
Only my humor is made of the strength I took back from you
My smile is made of handcuffs slapped on your wrists
My pride is the breath I breathe each day your no longer breathing
My life is made of the possibilities and the other plans I could have had that you took but bettered by the fight within my body and my mind to continue to beach waves
My happy place made of sand and salt water
The sea shells beneath my feet
The sound of my voice singing in the night making me feel better when I was all alone.
Because being alone was made of comfort the sound of waves crashing
Because I'm made of happiness and possibilities of positivities and cool breeze from the empty ocean.
I'm made of Star Fish and Jelly Fish
I'm made of Sharks and Dolphins
I'm made of Whales and Sting Rays
I'm made of my happy place
I'm made of all the things that kept me going in my time of struggle and I kept it all and I will always keep it all for the rest of my breathing body.
My secret made of the island I somehow always traveled too.

The waters running
overflowing
The music is blaring
The neighbors are calling
The cops are coming
Gate jumping
Laughing
Friends wondering
Tree climbing and fun having
Knees scraping
Grass staining
Street lighting
Curfew having
Morning waking
Fun day repeating
Ice cream melting
Ball throwing
Frisbee catching
Abandon buildings exploring
Window breaking
Sugar cane tasting
Memory making

I am hear today
I am able to speak
I can breath and my hearts beating
But I feel like I lost
I lost what I thought was the light at the end of the tunnel
The long dark tunnel that all the monsters attacked me
One monster
Actually
I lost you and i lost me in the same breathe that was your final
I lost a bit of me that I won't get back
I fought everyday but that monster took you
And i wish he would have taken me too at times
At  least the nightmares would have ended and I would be holding you
Taking a breath at the same time as you
Watching you grow because I believe heaven is your happy place that you grow in beauty but age disintegrates.
But my age goes up and my body duplicates its self by stealing strength and replacing it with thinks like wrinkles or grey hair
I'm not old enough to have that but it will come soon
But I lost and I'm stuck here looking at the sky
Searching for you.

I can still remember the smell of your cologne mixed with ***
I can remember the smell of your cigarette burning my skin
And I can remember my hopes of someone seeing you doing this
Being shattered
Because you were good
I have to admit that
You were good
Good at picking and choosing your prey
Your were great at created bruises where people would never see
You were good at making your grip seem soft even if your close to breaking my arm
You were good at making it seem like you were a 16 year old even though you were actually 25
You were good at threatening my sisters lives so that I didn't say anything
You were good at making me afraid
Your were good at keeping me hostage without being chained and bound to a cement wall
Oh but that wall was stronger than anything in this world
You were good at making my blood pour onto the floor
You were even better at making knives cut my skin
You were pretty **** good at it all
Apparently you were so good that the police needed
Evidence
All the evidence was on my skin
But i was good too
I was good at smiling when I was scared
I was good at keeping the tears back
I was good at not telling anyone
I was good at keeping your secrets on my skin
I was good at walking with out a limp
I was good at breathing even when it hurt
I was good keeping the cuts close with tape
I was good at living even when I wanted to give up
But you were good at keeping me alive even when i begged you to end me
We Were both good
But I'm better
I'm better because I'm still here
I'm better because even if it felt impossible
I came out on top of things and I came out strong
I came out of all the abuse and i made a life for myself even if it is a little rocky at time
Even if I do fear public places I'm still here
I still made it and you didn't
You're gone now
And I'm better than you would have ever been in your entire lifetime
I am always better than you

I'll hold myself
I'll be alright
I'll stand strong
I'll continue to fight
I moved out at 12
Beaten at 13
Hushed by the voices who spoke for me
Sitting in the back or any corner of a room
Sitting where no one else will
Frightened by every "boom"
Developed things I didn't know about
Was I born with it ?
Am I just now noticing?
Am I getting worse ?
My best friend vanished
I wore his blood as the questions spilled in like water after the dam is broken
Staring off in a gaze because he was all i had at that point and I just lost it all
The gun shot RINGING in my ears
The blood staining my clothes and skin and even with the shower the mirror would show it all
The "I love you " text message that was the last thing I had gotten from him or heard from him
Did he really or was he just saying good bye
I love you too
But it didn't matter
I didn't make it there in time
And his blood splattered
His body limp and his head just... His head
His wrists were.....
His face still had tears
His life was taken
His breath is gone
His heart beat isn't beating
Just a flat line ____
No matter how long I waiting this wasn't a movie and the rise wouldn't come
Just a flat line
So I will forever just draw curves
Because I hate flat lines.

Cut the canvas
And the red paint forms into a beautiful rose
Roses form everywhere
This rose bush grows and grows
With the simple slit from the razor blade.